


Early Summer Rain

by Orlha



Series: Sakura blossoms in April's showers [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Canon compliant when it fits, Character Development, Depression, Developing Friendships, Families of Choice, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Happy Ending, Haruno Sakura-centric, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kakashi being a good teacher, Mental Health Issues, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Sasuke barely appears in this, Socially Awkward Kakashi, Team as Family, Tsunade isn't Sakura's teacher, sakura has a bad childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orlha/pseuds/Orlha
Summary: Having parents doesn't always mean it's a good thing and just because scars can't be seen doesn't mean they don't exist. The Chuunin Exams leaves Sakura an orphan and she doesn't cry.





	1. Chapter 1

Sakura stands at the entrance of the hospital, staring out at Konoha. A war of emotions churns in her as she repeats the words the nurse had told her only moments ago.

_I'm sorry, your parents have died. They were crushed by the falling building._

The Chuunin Exams leaves Sakura an orphan and part of her wants to sob, the other part feels so light. She is free.

She touches her trembling lips, unaware of the tears trailing down her dirty face. She'll need to settle their funeral, settle any inheritance she received from them.

 _What inheritance?_ Inner snarks. _Me?_

She doesn't answer Inner because Inner doesn't exist. She's only a fragmented part of herself that Sakura had untethered in order to survive, a method she had gotten the inspiration from Ino’s family jutsu, albeit unhealthy method.

She makes her way back to the house she lived in for the last twelve years and stares at it. Sakura could feel a clawed hand scraping up her spine, the bitter aftertaste settling at the back of her throat.

They are dead, she reminds herself. They have no more power over her.

Her limbs shudder when she forces herself to take a step towards the dark house.

“Oh, that does look bad,” a male voice remarks beside her. She forces herself not to twitch, instead turning her head like she had known he was there. Sakura knows that she had not fooled her teacher, but he doesn't call her out.

“It does, doesn't it?” Sakura is surprised that she managed to keep her voice light.

Her house is smashed on one side, the beams had collapsed inwards - the beams that killed her parents.

 _Sage praise the beams._ Inner sings.

Sakura hushes Inner. Her parents just died, how could she be happy? More importantly how could she not?

“I came to tell you that all genin teams are being ordered to do D ranks until further notice,” Sensei paused and heaved a sigh.

Sakura didn't entertain thoughts that sensei actually liked her. She knew it all too well with his nonchalant attitude towards her. It was difficult to impress her teacher when her parents starved her. Rations bar only went so far. They weren’t meant for yearlong use or at least yearlong usage without any supplements. They provided the required nutrients a body merely required to maintain itself. Most shinobi supplemented their diet with fruits and animals from the wild.

“But where are you and your parents going to stay while they rebuild the village?” Sensei continued, oblivious of her dark thoughts.

 _In the morgue,_ Inner sneers. _Should have stabbed them, before we left._

“Ahhh… Somewhere.” Sakura shrugs. She could hardly ask Ino to take her in, not after how their Chuunin Exam fight had gone and she had no other friends. “I'll probably ask Ino-chan, ” she lies with an exaggerated mournful sigh.

Sensei eyes her long enough that Sakura wonders if he would call her out on her lie. He doesn't.

“Well then, six am tomorrow at the mission building,” he only says and dismisses himself with a hand seal.

Right. A kage bunshin. Sensei wouldn't have spent so much time talking to her if he had been here in person. She stuffs the thoughts into the team seven box at the back of her mind and stares at the house, willing herself to do something, decide something.

 _Pathetic._ Inner sneers again. _I’m sure there’s shelters for the homeless somewhere. Or maybe Sa-Sasuke-kuuunnn can take us in._

She can hear the condescension dripping from Sasuke-kun’s name. Mama would take- Sakura stops the thought.

Mama is dead. She doesn’t have to pretend to kiss Sasuke’s ass anymore.

Finally, Sakura lets the grin dance across her face. “I am _free_ ,” she finally whispers. Laughter bubbling out of her chest. She crouches, her shoulders shaking with suppressed joy. The freedom that she finally gained all these years doesn’t taste as good as she thought it would be. Shouldn’t she be sad that they’re dead? Or is she sad but don’t know how to express it?

Mama said that girls should only cry when it is to take advantage of a situation. There’s no situation here to take advantage of. She sobers herself up and stands. By now the sun has almost already set. Her limbs ache from  helping with low ranked messenger runs and the administration building is a good thirty-minute walk from here.

 _There’s training ground thirty-two around the bend. Bet with everything going on, no one is gonna be training now._ Inner suggests.

Sakura unseals a ration bar, making her way to training ground thirty-two. It’s empty like Inner said it would be. Sleeping on the trees wouldn’t be comfortable, but she’s slept in worse places.

✥.✥.✥

Sakura has always been Kakashi’s easiest student. Or rather, not student. Unlike his other fellow jounin who are sensei as well, he didn’t believe in trying to motivate his students. Initiative and eagerness is rewarded and with Sakura’s the lack of any interest to improve he had written her off quickly. Even with the aftermath of the terrible clusterfuck of a mission, Sakura had happily continued her ridiculous diet, always hurrying home when he dismissed them.

Kakashi had guessed then, that she would never amount anything beyond genin corps. That was fine, he supposed. Konoha would always need the corps to keep the wheels running smoothly. There isn’t any shame in being one. All he needs is to make sure that either Sasuke or Naruto would be promoted and Team Seven would effectively be disbanded. He would take on which that hadn’t been promoted and apprentice him then send Sakura to the genin corps.

And as much as he didn’t have interest in his female student, he wasn’t going to be _that_ bad of a sensei and not follow up on why his student smells of tears and fear or why the house she lived in stunk of blood.

He swallows a sigh at his clone’s memories and ambles to the hospital. Perhaps her parents had been injured? He waves at the receptionist before picking up the list of injured civilians. Flipping through the twelve page list, he goes through it once then twice. His stomach sinks at the varying possibilities.

“Saa…” Kakashi leans over to the blonde receptionist, noting the uncanny shade of blonde closely resembled those from the Yamanaka. She tilted her head in response, who paused in her writing and arched a well-groomed eyebrow at him. “Do you know where I can find… Haruno Mebuki and Haruno Kizashi, Receptionist-san?”

“Oh, poor Kizashi passed away.”

He frowned. Kizashi’s loss would be quite heavily felt with the considerably high toll of casualties. Kakashi knew of Kizashi even though he had never been personally treated by him. He had been a decent medic, a kind and gentle one too if he remembers correctly.

“What is your relation to them?”

His fingers twitches for the orange book hidden in his pouch. No. Running from hospital right now wouldn’t be the definition of a good teacher. His student, no matter how useless he thought she was, needed him now. Kakashi mentally squares his shoulders for responsibility.

“I’m Haruno Sakura’s jounin-sensei.”

“Oh! Good.” The blonde receptionist stands and Kakashi can see the nametag on the rather generous chest. Minori Akemi, it reads. Perhaps a parent is a Yamanaka? He absentmindedly takes the proffered forms from Akemi’s hand, casting a lazy eye across it.

_What._

One registration form for cremation, an orphan assistance form and... He stiffens. Two death certificates.

“Poor kid, she ran out before I could get her to sign these.” Akemi slides the clipboard to him with an attached pen. “If you’d sign here to acknowledge that you’ve received this.”

Kakashi barely remembers his father's funeral. Minato-sensei had taken care most of it then. Money. “Does she have money for their funerals?” he asks and cringes at the awkwardness of his question.

Akemi shakes her head. “I don’t think her parents left her anything. Perhaps you should check with the Shinobi Law Office?”

Sakura’s mother was a merchant right?

Kakashi signs a henonomoji on acknowledgement slip and flickers to the Shinobi Law Office feeling like a money-grubbing civilian. He’s here to check if his student has inheritance from parents that aren’t even buried yet. Scratch the _feeling_ , he _is_ a money-grubbing civilian considering that almost fifty percent of the people in the queue are civilians. He is almost tempted to use his jounin rank to skip the queue except Aoba is manning the counters today.

Oh Shodaime’s balls. Aoba would never let him hear the end of it.

He stands in the queue for thirty minutes longer and looks upward at the pale yellow ceiling, thinking which idiot would paint a wall pale yellow. The queue shifts forward just a little, it’s like they’re taunting him. Maybe he should stop making people wait for him so long. Kakashi waits another five then snaps, flickering to the front of the queue.

“You owe me lunch,” Aoba grins to Kotetsu beside him. “Told you he wouldn’t wait for the entire distance.”

“Sage’s balls, couldn’t you wait like ten minutes more?” Kotetsu stamps on a form hard, sliding it back to an old man.

In another time, Kakashi might have snarked back. He thinks of all the things he would need to arrange for Sakura and imagines the kind of talk he would need to give her. She already cried so she wouldn’t cry again, right?

“Aoba, I need to check if Haruno Kizashi and his civilian wife, Haruno Mebuki left anything for Haruno Sakura,” he says briskly.

“Haruno Kizashi-” Aoba sends his thought to the six other shadow clones in the archives. A short minute later, his shadow clone appears with a single paper. Shouldn’t inheritances and wills should be thicker?

Aoba readjusts his glasses, lips thinning into a single line.“Odd. Looks like they only left her a house.”

Kakashi rips the sheet from Aoba’s hands. Sakura only got the house because the other people in her clan didn’t qualify for it. What kind of parents would leave their relatives things and forget their own daughter? He barely reads the paper that Aoba makes him sign before flickering over to the funeral services and by the time he’s settled everything, it’s dark.

His shadow clone reports that Shikamaru had dragged Naruto to the Nara house so he doesn’t need to worry about Naruto for now. Sasuke is _still_ out training though by now Kakashi knows that unless he forces Sasuke to stop with threats, nothing would stop him Sasuke will be as fine as he always have been. Or at least for one day.

He hops over to the Yamanaka’s house and peers into Ino’s room feeling like he’s doing a Jiraiya except it’s a _thirteen year old girl’s_ room. He definitely needs a shower after this.

 _Ugh_ , he’s never doing this again.

The hair on back of his neck stand. “Hatake-san, may I know what you’re doing?” Inoichi calls out from the shade of the tree.

“Yamanaka-san, Nara-san,” he crinkles his eye at the two clan heads. “May I know which room Sakura-chan is in?”

“Sakura-chan?” Inoichi furrows his eyebrows. “Why would she be here?”

Huh, his little pink hair student managed to lie quite convincingly to him. He feels slightly proud of her and deflates.

“Maa… I guess I heard incorrectly.” Now he has to find where she went to.

✥.✥.✥

Sakura wakes in a manner that is slow yet paradoxically sudden, disoriented by the odd position she had fallen asleep in and the the presence on the branch next to her.

“Twenty minutes, Sakura-chan,” Sensei says and flips a page. ”We need to work on your awareness.”

She blinks blearily, wondering why her teacher was there on the tree with her and how did he read in the dark?

“Uss timmme uuss?” she mumbles, shifting. There’s a shuriken print blanket on her that she knows she didn’t have when she fell asleep and ewww- it smells like dog.

“Five-fifty am,” he replies.

“Oh. Stillll arly-” she yawns then freezes. “It’s five-fifty! We were supposed to meet Naruto and Sasuke-kun at six!” She leaps up, running a hand through her hair, deftly folding the blanket up.

“Maa maa, there’s no hurry.” Sensei lazily yawns. “How about we first go and get cleaned up then get breakfast?” Without waiting for her to reply, he grabs her by the shoulder and flickers them into an apartment.

“Did you just break into someone’s apartment?” Sakura tightens her arms around the blanket, staring wide-eyed at the somewhat bare apartment. The couch in the middle of the living room looked like it could fall apart if she just sets the blanket on it and the dining table has one single ratty chair. “If you were going to break into someone’s apartment, couldn’t it be a nicer one? Instead of a hobo’s one…”

“How mean, Sakura-chan saying my apartment is a hobo apartment.” Sensei wipes a fake tear from his eye and sets his hand on his chest.

“Sensei, I-”

He waves off her apologies and points to a door. “The bathroom’s over there, do you have a towel?”

It wasn’t like she had her fanny pack when she went to the stadium. Her parents had been home that day, it had been difficult enough sneaking out of the house. And all the showers she had since then had been a quick rinse in the genin corps. They had needed so many couriers that it hadn’t mattered if she was part of the corps or not. It wasn’t as if her team cared for her.

Sensei drops a towel on her head. “There’s soap and shampoo inside already. You can use Pakkun’s strawberry one.” He crinkles an eye and shoves her into the bathroom. “After all you use the same shampoo.”

“I don’t use that one anymore,” she whines but doesn’t really argue. She’s so tired of pretending. Mama always said that good girls hide their true emotions. She strips her dirty clothes off, throwing them into the sink to wash later and steps under the shower, bracing herself for the icy cold water. The water is warm unlike the showers she took at the home. Are showers supposed to be this warm? Holding a hand out, she stares at it in amazement.

 _Hurry, or else Kakashi will get mad for wasting water,_ Inner says.

She hurries through her shower, wiping herself dry with the soft, thick towel and dons her clothes again.

Well this is as good as it gets, she says to herself.

There is the aroma of grilled fish and rice when she steps out. Sensei wearing an apron, setting food out like a housewife. Sakura barely holds the grin back. She wouldn’t want to offend sensei any further, she’s heard of stories how jounin-senseis would make life difficult for their students and eventually doom them to genin corps, or worse, get them killed. Sensei said that he would protect them, but all adults lie. The only person that can protect herself is herself.  

 _And me,_ Inner adds.

Oh no, she forgot to clean the towel. “Uh-uhm...” Sakura flushes and holds the towel out, bowing her head. “Sorry, I forgot to clean your towel.”

He hums and reaches over- Sakura clamps her reflexes down, allowing him to take the towel without any reaction. She breathes a sigh of relief when he only pulls it open and sets it on the single chair.

“Well, eat up. I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Is that all…” Sakura starts and trails off when sensei disappears, the apron fluttering onto the counter, before she could finish her sentence. “...for me?” She eyes the large bowl of rice and whole grilled fish with trepidation. She hadn’t had so much to eat in like… forever.

Her stomach clenches unhappily and she gulps.

Better get to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by Denilmo and [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019
> 
> Banner drawn by [Patty](http://pattymaxus.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

Sakura struggled to keep up with her sensei as he weaves through the morning crowd. “Sensei?” She calls out, her stomach churning from the too-full feeling. He doesn’t pause or even indicate hearing her calls, his unkempt hair just inches above the crowd like a wisp of onibi guiding her to somewhere ominous.  

Where is he bringing her to? Her gut twists like that time she accidentally drank some of Ino’s mum’s poison. Sakura falls back far enough that Sensei notices and he loops back to her; his tall figure cutting through the crowd with ease.

“Sensei, mission room is in the other district.” she says, trying not to give in to the turmoil that Inner is making.

“Today we have other things to do other than missions.” Sensei crinkles an eye at her.

“But-”

He swings her over his shoulder like a sack of rice, cutting her protests off. Perhaps she’s overthinking it, but Sakura can’t help but think that Sensei is acting differently than usual. For starters, he had let her use his shower and towel, and even made her breakfast! Sakura can’t remember when she had a breakfast, let alone a freshly cooked one. Mama had rarely let her eat at home. Children weren’t meant to be seen or heard. Even after she had gotten her hitai-ate, Mama and Papa said she wasn’t a _real_ adult.

Bad children get taken away. Is that what Sensei is doing now? But she’s been good right? Or was she getting punished for not washing the towel? Or is Sensei punishing her for eating the breakfast? He said look underneath the underneath, right? Maybe it had been all a test that she had failed.

She grips the back of Sensei’s vest, watching the direction that he is carrying her to. A district that she’s never been to and very few of the people they walked past had children. Sakura forces herself to slow her breathing down. Wherever Sensei is bringing her to, going hysterical would only make things worse. She could feel Inner rising, whelming at the base of her throat, her fingers tightening her grip on his vest. Then his large hand rests on her head, ruffling her hair almost like trying to comfort her.

“Don’t worry Sakura-chan, Sensei will be right beside you,” he says.

“I’ll be good, Sensei,” she half-sobs. Tears streaking down her face and though she tries to scrub it away furiously, the more they persisted. “Don’t-”

She gulps and he sets her down on an empty bench along the pathway, squatting before her. “Shssh, it’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.” He pulls out a ragged handkerchief from one of the various vest’s pockets and wipes her tears away. “I already did all the paperwork, we’re just going to cremate your parents, okay?”

Cremate what?

 _So he wasn’t going to give us to the creepy old man?_ Inner says.

She takes the tortoise print handkerchief from Sensei’s hand and wipes the rest of the tears.

“Are you ready?” Sensei asks. The look on his face is unfamiliar and Sakura almost giggles at the idea that she might tell what Sensei is feeling from just the tiny square of his eye. Whoever can decipher his emotions from just that tiny square must be someone very, very close - someone who isn’t his least favourite student. Awkward, she guesses judging by the way he squares his shoulders. She clenches the handkerchief and nods, following closely behind him.

Now that she knows where they’re going, it makes sense why the people they walked past barely had children following them. She’s going to go and watch them _burn_. The discordance of joy and grief stirs in her chest.

She has to look sad.

Normal people look sad when their parents die. Sakura casts an eye to the other families huddling together, memorising their emotions. Inner picks out a mask, a mimicry of the emotions that the families she passed by portrayed and Sakura slips into it as they approached the funeral home.

Her shoulders once relaxed are now shaking, her jaw clenching so hard she thinks she might break it. Inside she is hollow, feeling none of the pain she fakes outwardly. Sensei’s warm hand on her shoulders warms her as they enter the funeral parlour and a man approaches them, taking the paperwork from Sensei. How had sensei known about her parents?

She stares resolutely at the ground even when they are steered into a private room.

“Sakura-chan, do you want to say anything to your parents?”

 _See ya like never later!_ Inner crows.

Sakura shakes her head, forcing a tear to slide down her face.

 _I’m sure really sad people actually cry more,_ Inner says. _Think of the time they brought you to the basement._

Her shoulders tremble for real this time, her lungs stuttering as Sakura struggled to rein in the memories. She looks up, seeing the roar of fire within the circle of fuinjutsu.

“They’re dead-” she murmurs as if still unable to comprehend the surety of their death.

What was she going to do now? Where was she going to stay? Could she continue being a kunoichi? And how could she? Sensei never did like her. Papa said that it was because of his influence that sensei continued to train her. Now that Papa is gone, Sensei would drop her faster than a poisoned kunai. The trees worked well for a night, but could she take it sleeping there for the next undetermined period?

The fire dies and fuinjutsu on the outer circle lights up, cooling the ashes enough for Sakura to scoop them into the box. She didn’t _want_ the box or their _damned_ ashes. She didn’t care for them.

‘Is it weird to feel empty inside?’ she wonders. ‘Empty like a doll.’

The box that Sensei places between her hands is warm. It’s a nice cypress box. Sakura grips the box tightly. The allure of chucking the ashes into the trash bin grows as they pass each trash bin. The man leads them down the hallway and into a room where he pulls out a map of what seemed to be cemetery with red marks to probably already filled graves.

“Do you want to pick a lot for them?” Sensei asks her.

She shakes her head, clenching her jaw. She’s afraid that if she loosens her grip on her jaw or hands, she might blurt out that they don’t deserve it. Mama said that dirty laundry shouldn’t be aired out in public.

Sakura is the dirty laundry.

She ducks her head, letting Sensei take the box from her. Relief flushes through her. Sakura doesn’t want to care about them. She just wants to run to Ino’s closet and hide.

Sensei steers her out of the oppressing building. His hand never leaving her back even as they make their way down the streets and it’s a comfortable weight. She doesn’t know how long this will last, but Sakura hopes it’ll last a long time - or at least another day more.

✥.✥.✥

By the time they get to the administrative building, the sun has risen fully in the sky. Sakura could see the two figures waiting outside. The blond one angrily pacing while the dark blue one leaning against a pillar.

“You’re late!” Naruto yells. “You said nine but it’s already noon!”

Sensei chuckles. “Did you two do your training routine like I told you to?”

“Of course, you know!? All twenty laps! I beat teme’s time too!”

“Dobe, I ran faster than you.” Sasuke sneers.

Sakura has to clutch the side of her shirt. Sensei _has_ been giving them specialised training that didn’t include her. Assuming that he did and finding out that he really did apparently doesnt quite feel the same.

She almost steps back from the trio, had it not been for Sensei’s firm hand on her shoulder blades.

Sasuke barely glances at her and when he does, there’s a look of utter disdain on it. “Hn.” He turns his head away, arms folded across his chest.

“Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, why are you late too? Are you picking up Kaka-sensei’s bad habits, you know? Should we expect an orange book too from you? It’s almost noon! It’s time for lunch! Wanna go on a date? Or ramen? Like a ramen date!”

She leans away from Naruto. The sheer energy he is emitting is more overwhelming than prior to the Chuunin Exams. Luckily, Naruto didn’t seem to demand an answer and happily skipped down the road with an excited scream to Ichiraku’s when Sensei offered to pay.

Perhaps this would be her last team lunch.

Sakura watches her two teammates’ back, thinking that maybe - just _maybe_ she could just disappear. Goodbyes are always hard. She tries not to think of the time she had to say goodbye to Ino. If she just took another turn, no one in her team would probably notice.

Or so she thought. Before she could disappear into a side road, Sensei falls beside her, his orange book open in front of him.

“Ichiraku is not for another two blocks, Sakura-chan.”

Wouldn’t it be easier to just let her slip away now?

 _He probably wants to make fun of you before letting us go,_ Inner says.

Sakura keeps her head bowed, finger twisting the hem of her dress. “What is going to happen to me now, Sensei?”

“Well, since neither of you three were promoted, Team Seven will continue taking D and C rank missions. Apart from the fact that most of our D ranks would consist of clearing the debris, nothing else will change.”

All that sounded too good to be true. _Nothing_ would change? Why would he keep her around now that Papa is gone?

Sensei taps her on the head with his book and scratches the back of his head when she looks up. Uneasiness oozes from his posture, like he’s trying to say difficult words or things.

“It’s ok Sensei,” she smiles bitterly at him. He probably meant Team Seven _without_ her and couldn’t figure out how to tell her. She bows deeply like Mama taught her to. “Thank you for all your help.”

“Sakura-chan-” Sensei shakes his head.

“What is going on?” Sasuke eyes them.

“Oh, Sensei helped me with something,” she replies, wondering if it would be too forward to announce that her parents are dead. People usually act more delicately around the death of people, right? Mama had done that when Nanako-obaa had died.

“ _Something?_ Are you giving _her_ specialised training and not me?” His lip curls. “That’s why you two were late, weren’t you?”

 _You mean specialised training that Kakashi’s already giving you?_ Inner says.

“Sasuke, we had to settle some personal matter-” Sensei starts but Sasuke presses on, stepping into her personal space.

“Why would he give _you_ specialised training and not me? I’m better than _you_!”

“Ah, well.” Sakura falters. She always had known that Sasuke was intense, with his one-track mind. Why would he ever think that Sensei would give her any time of the day?

 _Probably cuz he already gave you the whole morning,_ Inner quips.

“-he didn’t.”

“Sasuke-” Sensei pulls him away from her, his eye is colder than Sakura could ever remember seeing. “Sakura’s parents perished in the invasion. We went to get them cremated this morning. But I don’t see how this is an issue regarding you.”

Sasuke rips his arm from Sensei’s grip. “It is when I spent the whole morning waiting for you and you spent the whole morning with _her._ ”

Sasuke smirks at her. “Well, congratulations on the news. Now you don’t have parents to tell you what to do and what not to.”

“Sasuke!” Sakura barely hears Sensei scolding him, only the roaring of her blood pounding in her ears.

Whatever happens to her now, she doesn’t have parents to tell her what to do and what not to. She lets her lips stretch across her face, her first genuine smile since she had to say goodbye to Ino. “Yeah. You’re right.”

✥.✥.✥

His little genin had been unnervingly silent the whole trip from the funeral parlour. Words that he read once upon a time in Jiraiya’s book were unusable in this situation. What could he say or do to make this better?

Kakashi remembers how it had been after his father died. The look that Jiraiya and Tsunade had given him and the words only served to antagonize him. There had been nothing that could make the guilt go away and though Sakura’s situation is vastly different from his, he’s not stupid to assume that condolences or pitiful looks would make her feel better.

So instead of sending her back to his apartment to rest, he thought that seeing her team might help perk her up a little. She did have that terrible crush on Sasuke, after all and Naruto’s cheery attitude might just help.

But instead of perking up even a little, Kakashi could see Sakura withdrawing into her shell. If only there had been time to track down and ask Kurenai. Kakashi stifles a long suffering sigh. The jounin-sensei guide book indicated _talking,_ so he fell back, hoping to talk and set her at ease. However, just like not a few moments ago, the words he wants to say were conveniently missing.

She smiles and thanks him for his assistance and maybe things are going right. Instead, his little ball of vengefulness decides to _congratulate_ Sakura. Who in sage’s balls does that?

Sasuke only jerks his arm out with a grunt and an all-too familiar sneer. “She said that too,” he insists.

Why did Sandaime give him, the socially-stunted assassin, a team of itty bitty, socially awkward genins?

The smile Sakura gives them is not just eerie but disturbing.

He _really_ has his work cut out for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that my Headcanon is that Kakashi hadn't seen Sakura say that to Sasuke. I think he'd have at least scolded her if she had said it in front of him like Sasuke did.
> 
> Sasuke's still an ass and that isn't likely to change... _much_.
> 
> I changed the way she called her parents, because of reasons. Also I'm very proud of Kakashi for standing in queue for 30 mins in chp 1, even if no one else is. *wipes a tear away* I'm very blown away by the reactions I got from chp 1, thank you so much for commenting and bookmarking! I hope this chp lives up to your expectations.
> 
> Beta-ed by: [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019
> 
> P.s: Kakashi definitely took that handkerchief from Gai


	3. Chapter 3

Sakura sketches a perfunctory bow and slips away down the alley and along the next street as Sensei started to rip into Sasuke. Now that she’s no longer Team Seven, she has to figure out what her next plan is. Would it be better for her to continue as a kunoichi? Could she find another teacher to mentor her? Was she even worth teaching?

Her answers to all three questions are a depressing no. Even if Sensei had mentioned that she had good chakra control - which she doubted that he actually meant it, considering he had followed it up with gloating to the boys- she was a shuriken in a dozen; in other words, nothing special. Right now, she could probably still function as part of the genin corps. There are buildings to sift through, manpower required to assist the builders in building faster. And when all that is done, then what?

She skirts around a burnt wooden column, eyes averting from the homeless shelter.

With all the funerals going on, Yamanaka Flowers would probably need extra help. If she retired, she could ask to…

 _After Ino called you an abomination, do you seriously think she’d let you anywhere near her civilian relatives?_ Inner scoffs.

Sakura cracks her neck, trying to ease the tension that rose from Inner’s words. She _could_ go to Yuriko-obasama. Yuriko-obasama is the head of the Haruno clan and leader of the Haruno merchant route. There are always jobs within the clan itself. Even if Yuriko-obasama didn’t like her, Sakura is a Haruno. Yuriko-obasama would definitely take her in because her living on the streets would bring shame to the family.

Her feet stopped and Sakura found herself in front of the house, _again._ Unconsciously, she had hurried back to home.

 _Are you going to be useless and stand around moping again?_ Inner asks.

Unwilling to prove Inner right again, Sakura compelled her feet to step up to the house.

She might as well look for her kit while she’s here.

A china cup cracks under her sandals and as she glances down to look at it, the air in her lungs freezes in her throat. The walls have collapsed enough to expose The Stairs. She stares at it, unable to move from it. Inner has taken to howling in rage, her emotions a dichotomy. She needs to kneel and apologise… Papa might…

“..id! Kid! _Kid!”_

She drags her eyes from The Stairs, focusing on the voice. A chuunin waves at her, his senbon bobbing up and down as he calls her. “You might not wanna stand there,” he says now that he has her attention. He sighs at her stare and steps over the debris, tugging her back to the street. “Didn't you read the notice?” The chuunin motions to a wooden sign by her house. “The structure integrity has been compromised. Apparently the house is about to collapse into the basement”

“Oh.” Sakura blinks slowly at him, her body half turned from the house. In the end she was useless. Useless like she has been her entire life. She clenches her fist, trying to stop the trembling. The chuunin is still staring at her when she turns back to him.

“Where's your team?” he asks awkwardly after a beat.

“I don't have one,” she tells him.

The chuunin chews on his senbon then huffs, his broad shoulders shrugging lazily. “Then you're with me now.” He steers her to the next street, to another team of shinobi digging through the rubble. “Which is good because we need someone your size and weight-”

Sakura tunes him out, only paying attention when he and the other chuunin gives her instructions. The work that they give her is hard and it helps. She is unable to hear Inner indignant sneers or let the residual fear take over her when she is managing fine requirement of chakra control that she needs to balance herself of half burnt columns or leaping across half collapsed walls for scrolls and traps.

“Come on kid,” the chuunin says. He grabs her by her shoulder, steering her to a shinobi encampment where the rest of the team have dispersed. He takes the wrapped onigiri and the cups of lukewarm miso soup and hands it to her while stuffing his pocket with even more, gripping one paper cup with his teeth when his arms become full.

“Oi! Genma!” The staff yells at him. “Only three per person!”

Genma holds his 4 fingers. “Gud fur in ma deam!” He yells back and bumps Sakura on the shoulder, jerking his head towards a tent encampment.

His team is now sitting around the two tents with a small fire start in between them. Must have been what they disappeared off to do, Sakura guesses. “Well, this is it. Home sweet home,” he says sarcastically, flopping onto an empty spot. He motions to the spot beside him and purses his lips after giving out the food and soup. “Well this is awkward. Not sure if I ever introduced myself... but I’m Shiranui Genma. ” He scratches his cheek sheepishly, dodging a kunai that the kunoichi with pale grey hair chucks at him.

“You mean to say we’ve been working together for seven hours and you’ve never even told her your name or introduced us?” She asks. “Well since this dumbass couldn’t remember to do it. I’m Kuroda Hisae, the one on my left is Namiashi Raidou and the one who is half asleep eating is Okita Takeo.”

Okita almost droops into his soup before he jerks back, eyes blinking owlishly. “I think I’d rather go on a solo A rank than to dig through more rubble,” he mutters.

“Or build more houses,” Kuroda adds. “Pity all shinobi are village bound unless it’s an essential mission...”

“I’m Haruno Sakura,” she says, bowing politely.

“Haruno? You must be Kizashi’s kid.” Kuroda tilts her head at Sakura, her dark eyes crinkling at her. “Where’s your dad?”

Okita yawns, putting his empty cup and wrappers with the other trash. “Obviously at the hospital considering he’s a good medic. Bet you two hundred ryou that he’s swamped completely.”

“Who’s stupid enough to take that bet?” The others laugh and throw their wrappers at him.

Sakura only sips her miso soup, trying not to think of Papa, the good medic. With the lull of things to do, her mind somehow decides to fixate on how Papa’s face looked like when the glow of his medic chakra illuminated it. Her dinner sits uneasily in her stomach. Unused to the weight of anything but her ration bars, she rationalises in spite of the two non-ration bar meals she has gotten.

“Sakura-chan, come on. I’ll bring you to the washing house. We can get our clothes cleaned while we take a bath there. It’ll be fun.” Kuroda beckons to her. They loop through rows and rows of tents built too close to each other. Some of the shinobi don’t even have a tent, resorting to looping their sleeping backs on the trees.

“The residential district took the bulk of the boss summons fight,” she explains. “The shinobi gave up the dorms to temporarily house the civs. Civs can’t stand rough necking out for too long.”

Kuroda says it like they’re delicate and breakable, but Sakura knows that neither Yuriko-obasama nor Saito-ojisan would classify as that. She doesn’t call Kuroda out on perceived ideas of civilians. It wouldn’t do her any good to draw a chuunin’s wrath, adults never like being told that they are wrong.

She strips and puts her clothes with Kuroda’s, putting copious shampoo into her hair, following Kuroda’s actions. Quickly, she douses herself with water and scampers after Kuroda into the largest bathtub she had ever seen. The one Mama used at home wasn’t even this big! Kuroda is leaning back with the small towel flopped over her eyes. Is she supposed to do the same?

Sakura sinks into the water, jerking at the heat. It’s hotter than she’s ever imagined. Are they supposed to just sit here? How can this be fun? She eyes Kuroda. Kuroda has been sitting there unmoving and the woman opposite them - definitely a kunoichi judging from the scars, has been doing the same as Kuroda. She wets the towel and squeezes it dry. Eyeing Hisae again, she leans her head back and places the towel over her eyes.

The heat rises. Sakura can hear the swishing of the bamboo leaves surrounding the bath house. Across the thin divider, there are sounds of people murmuring, and getting in and out of the bath.

How long is Kuroda planning to stay here? Sakura feels like she’s being boiled alive. She pulls the towel off, trying not to fidget.

“Ooh- Hi-chan has a kitten!” A husky alto jabs from behind them, followed with a splash to her left side. “Lookie, lookie.” The fingers cup Sakura’s face, forcing her to turn to stare at the speaker. A large smirk stretched from the woman’s face, her dark purple hair hastily bundled on the back on her head. “Awww she’s so cute with her pink hair!”

“Anko, don’t mess with her. She ain’t mine,” Kuroda drawls.

“Clearly not. She’s all red-faced from heat and you’re still letting her sit here,” Anko’s companion says, her bright red eyes sweeping up and down Sakura’s frame.

Sakura hunched, sinking into the water, recognising that look that the dark haired kunoichi is giving her. It’s the same look that mama gives right before scolding her. She’s focused on trying to stop her stomach from flipping that she isn’t ready for flinch that rises unbidden when the kunoichi raises her hand to grab Sakura. She manages to wrestle the flinch down but the awkward silence that follows tells her that she hadn’t been as successful as she had hoped it’d be. They glance at each other, as though some unspoken conversation is going on in front of her and the dark-haired kunoichi with her red eyes reached forward again. Her hand gently gripping Sakura’s bicep and lifting her up onto the edge of the pool.

“Come on,” the dark-haired kunoichi says. “You’re going to faint if you stay in there any longer.”

“But Kuroda-san...” Sakura half-protests. What if Kuroda gets mad at her for leaving? Would she still get paid for today’s work?

Kuroda chokes and says through stifled heaving laughs, “kid. It’s Hisae, not Kuroda. You can call me Hisae-neechan or Hisae-senpai. Kuroda-san are my parents or for civilians.”

“Hisae…” She clenches her fist, forcing her mouth to obey Kuroda’s orders. “...san.”

She ducks her head, waiting for Kuroda to berate her; except Kuroda only barks a laugh with a lazy wave. “Just like Kizashi. I’ll take her, Kurenai.” Kuroda nods at the dark-haired kunoichi and stands from the pool, her feet slapping noisily towards the lockers.

✥.✥.✥

When the spiteful words that Sakura had come to expect didn’t come on the way home or the days after, the tension in her shoulders eased up a little.

After the first day, it was clear that Genma lied. The team really didn’t need her and while they didn’t need her, they didn’t leave her alone. Raidou taught her how to lighten her weight with chakra in order to scale perilous-looking beams. Hisae, the tracker of the group, taught her how to enhance her sense of smell. Takeo, the chakra sensor, wasn’t able to teach chakra sensing to her. Apparently chakra sensing is a particularly niche skill that required inborn talents. It was a pity. Of all the things that Sakura would have liked to learn, chakra sensing would be one of them.

Genma, on the other hand, simply hovered over her. He monitored her chakra, her food intake, nagged at her to eat more and made her take breaks even when she wasn’t that tired. Was this what having an older brother felt like?

Sakura reminded herself not to get attached. After all the rebuilding is done, she would be shuffled back into the corps and would be probably dropped from the whole programme. Soon, she would have to go and beg Yuriko-obasama for a job. She chokes down another onigiri that Genma stacked on her plate, trying to distance herself from the warmth they were giving her.

 _Don’t trust them. They are adults. All Adults lie,_ Inner reminded her.

“Are you going back to your team soon?” Genma asks four days later.

“My team?” Sakura repeated with a furrow between her eyebrows. “I don’t have a team.”

Hisae shakes her head. “Now now, Saa-chan. My little cousin has been moping around here every night to check on you, so don’t insist you don’t have a team.”

“Cousin?”

“Kakashi is my cousin on my mother side. He’s terrible when he’s mopey. I don’t know what your team did that warranted Kakashi thinking that you wanted space, but it’s been over a week.”

Genma nods in agreement to Hisae’s words. “It’s time to go back and reconcile with them. And if that doesn’t work, you can always beat them into the ground until they apologise.” He pulls his senbon out of his mouth and hands it to her. “I’ll even give you my trusty senbon to throw at him.”

Sakura looks at it in disgust. “Genma-san…”

Hisae throws a kunai at Genma. “Don’t be gross Genma. How long has _that_ been in your mouth?”

“But it’s my trusty senbon!”

“Trusty my ass! I know you have the same ones in your pouch!”

“They’re different!”

Raidou leans over. His scar ripples over his dark skin as he smiles. Sakura thinks that Raidou is the coolest among all of them. He’s always so patient and quiet, unlike Hisae and Takeo. “Even if you don’t like them, you should at least try to reconcile with them.”

She looks down at her half-eaten onigiri in her hands. “What if… what if they don’t want me…”

“Considering Kakashi has been here every night to check on you, asking how you were doing and so on, I don’t believe he wouldn’t want you.”

None of these people have realised how bad she is. That’s why they are so accepting. “But I’m a _bad_ kunoichi,” she whispers.

“Sakura-chan, look at me,” Raidou orders softly. She tilts her face up, eyes falling back down, unable to meet his eyes. Now that he knows, he wouldn’t want to be her friend. “Sakura-chan. Look at me,” he repeats. She raises her eyes, meeting his eyes then quickly falling back to his collarbone.

“Sakura-chan…” he sighs and raises his hand, slow enough that Sakura can anticipate his motion and ruffles her head. “You’re a bad kunoichi and you hate it right?”

She nods.

“Then all you have to do is keep working at it,” he says like it’s a matter of fact. Sakura knows otherwise. Papa always told her that she was useless and would never amount to anything. Useless, talentless Sakura.

“There are only those who put in effort and those who don’t.” Raidou continues. “That’s the only difference between good and bad-”

“That’s not true,” Sakura says, appalled that she interrupted an adult speaking.

“What’s not true?” Raidou stared at her. “Tell me, Sakura-chan. What’s not true?”

“... Papa… Papa said…” She wrung her hands nervously. She shouldn’t have gotten angry and interrupted Raidou. Now he wants to know what horrible thoughts she’s thinking, she should have stayed quiet like Mama always told her to be.

“Papa what?” He prompts her again.

“Papa said… that… that… I’m a… talentless, useless kunoichi,” she replies, her voice faltering towards the end.

“You’re not. He’s wrong.” Raidou waves her silent and continues on, “you took less than three hours to pick up the chakra weight trick. Majority of jounin and even anbu that I taught that to took days to master it. You’re not useless and you’re certainly not talentless.”

She gaped at him, mind floundering for protests. The very idea that she had some form of talent astounded her.

“And if you go back to your team and they don’t want you, then you can always come back to us. Same camp, same timing and if we’re not here, you can always go to the jounin lounge and look for us.”

 _All Adults lie,_ Inner repeats to her.

Sakura only nods. Whether it’s to Raidou’s words or Inner’s words, she can’t tell.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! An update the features Sakura's self-esteem issues. I wanted to add Team 7 in this chp, but it didn't flow quite well. So ho-hum, I cut it off and we'll see them next chp instead. Next chp is particularly the one I've been looking forward to. 
> 
> (I really should be working on my other long fic...) 
> 
> Beta-ed by: [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019
> 
> P.s: Socially awkward Kakashi has taken to stalking Sakura around instead of talking to her directly


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had to give a theme for this chp, it'd be this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL1r6AnWx-0

The mood in the camp is weird when Kakashi slinks into it late at night.

“Ah, Kakashi. You’re here,” Genma greeted.

Kakashi cast his eye to where Sakura is sharing the tent with Hisae, taking two quick steps to peer into the tent. “What happened?” he asked after ascertaining that she is all physically sound.

“Did you know? Or at least suspect something?” Hisae says. The campfire flickers, casting shadows across her face. Though the shape of her eyes were mostly from her dad, most of her remaining features reminded Kakashi of his father and a part of him ached. Had it not been for his little genin, Kakashi would have safely remained far away from the rest of the Hatake Clan. The shame at the sight of them seemed to yawn at him.

“Something?” Kakashi asks dumbly.

“She flinched rather violently when Kurenai reached over for her. Not the sort of flinch you get from anticipating an attack.” Not the sort she’d get from training goes unsaid. Hisae stares into the fire, her silence thickening into a heavy tension as Kakashi tried to think back on all the training practices he had with her. None of their conditioning training had brought up issues. “Her mother, perhaps?” she finally says. “We need to bring the mother in to see if she’s…”

“Or her father,” Raidou adds.

“Her _father?_ ” Genma repeats. “Have you met him? Kizashi’s a good person.”

“I know! It’s just…” Raidou trails off. “It’s just… she said Kizashi called her a talentless, useless kunoichi. It just bugged me.”

Takeo scoffs. “Maybe you all are overreacting. I’m sure whatever that flinch was, it might have been a genin’s aborted attempt for reflexes. And I’m sure _all_ of us had arguments with our parents that ended up in bitter words.”

“Still. We should at least check. Bring them in, check it out. If it clears, then it’s good, if not then at least we caught it,” Hisae insists.

“She’s a genin! A kunoichi of Konohagakure. You mean she couldn’t stop her civilian mum?”

“It’s not about the physical-” Genma motions angrily to Takeo.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kakashi interrupts, his quiet voice cutting through their argument. “I didn’t know she hadn’t told you, but they’re dead.”

The campfire falls silent at his words and really, Kakashi shouldn’t have been surprised that Sakura hadn’t told them anything. Apart from that day at the morgue, Sakura hadn’t displayed any signs of grief. She carried on her day-to-day slightly subdued but otherwise normal. Kakashi, himself had been through the stages many times of his life. He knew the stages of grieving intimately. His little genin, is like him, in this emotional sense.

Had she been abused? Sakura, like Naruto, has always been upbeat and easy with her smiles. Even if she is useless as a genin. He would like to think that he is perceptive enough to pick it up, but truthfully, he hadn’t spent a lot of time with her.

The Chuunin Exams was supposed to make them bond better in adversity, not make it worse. His own Chuunin Exams had helped to bond better with his teammates then. Kakashi firmly stuck the thoughts of Obito and Rin to the back of his mind, refusing to fiddle with the scabs.

He sinks his hands deeper into his pocket, exhausted from trying to care for three emotionally-wrecked genin, almost wishing he could go back to his anbu days. _His_ genin, a part of him bares its teeth to the thought of running away.

Genma rubs the back his neck, his senbon clacking against his teeth loudly in the silence. “I guess… she wouldn’t have told us anyway. It’s not we were friends before this… invasion.”

Raidou mournfully agreed with him. “It’s not like we could raise the dead to find out either.”

Kakashi chokes. “But I know someone who can,” he chuckles lowly, tilting his head slightly to avoid Genma’s senbon.

“Too soon Kakashi!”

“Are we going to do anything about Sakura?” Hisae asks. “It doesn’t seem right… to just leave it alone.”

Genma shrugs. “What _can_ we do? Ask her? If anything had happened, it’d be like putting salt to a freshly closed wound. And none of us are probably close enough to actually get an answer. We met her a week ago and Kakashi here is famous for keeping people at arm’s length. I _still_ don’t know what his face looks like. And _I’ve_ known him since he was _six_.”

Slumping his shoulders, Kakashi sighs. “My face has nothing to do with this.”

“No, but Gen’s right.” Raidou shakes his head. “You probably spend the minimum hours on your genin. You probably don’t even know that Sakura’s a mini-prodigy in the making. She thinks you don’t even want her.”

“Mini- what? _What_?”

“Mini- _prodigy,_ Kakashi. She picked up the chakra weight trick in three hours. Even _you_ took half a day.” Genma lifts an eyebrow at him. “But you don’t know that, do you?”

Kakashi hunched further, unwilling to admit to it. Sakura hadn’t shown a shred of interest in being a serious kunoichi, why should he make the effort to train her if she wasn’t? Not even training at home, and just barely completing his training regimen. The bare essentials. Naruto and Sasuke were far more interested in being serious shinobi. So what if she had talent? Kakashi knew that talent didn’t make a shinobi.

Obito was one such example.

His chest throbs painfully at the memory of Obito. Obito was talented enough to be assigned to his team, just not interested enough to maintain being on one.

Hisae leans over and touches his arm. “I know you believe that she has to _want_ before you’d train her, but if what we think about her mum is right, then she might need encouragement to grow.” Kakashi takes a seat beside her and lets her slump her arm around his shoulders. “Promise me you’ll try and be gentle.”

He heaves a large sigh, leaning into his cousin. “Ok.”

✥.✥.✥

Sensei was already sitting by the tent when Sakura woke up the next morning.

She briefly entertains the idea that Sensei is really keeping her on team seven then scoffs.

 _He didn’t even bother to train you, why would you suddenly matter?_ Inner says moodily.

Sakura scarfs down the breakfast Sensei had brought for the team and her, trying to bury the hurt. Regardless of what Raidou and Hisae said, Sakura knew better. In the bigger picture, Haruno Sakura is someone that would never amount to anything. Below average taijutsu, below average chakra stores, no kekkai genkai, no clan. So what if she had excelled in practical knowledge? Nothing else but that stood out. Even with Papa’s training, she had never managed to catch up with her peers.

Haruno Sakura didn’t matter.

She wasn’t going to let optimism blindly raise her hopes. If she had no expectations then she wouldn’t need to suffer. Staring blankly at her empty plate, she tries to swallow the fear in her throat.

 _Don’t bother dragging this out. Might as well get it over and done with this,_ Inner nudges her.

Hisae said that Sensei had been asking after her, but _really,_ who wanted her? She stands, dropping the plate into the used dish box. Genma grins at her, slapping a hefty slap on her back. “Remember you can always beat them into the ground until they apologise.”

“Genma… Please don’t teach my student bad things.” Sensei’s tone almost sounds like a petulant whine in her ears. Her stoic, lazy teacher whining. Sakura ducks her head, walking quickly towards him, resolutely refusing to react to their bantering.

All Adults lie. Haruno Sakura didn’t matter, she reminds herself, squashing the fledgeling hope that maybe, just _maybe_ they wanted her.

“They aren’t _bad_ things if she needs them.”

Sensei sighs and pushes her towards the exit. “Genma is _such_ a bad influence. I can’t believe I let you stay with them for a week,” he grumbles.

Sakura fists her dress, trying not to give away the anxiety rolling in her stomach. Real Sakura has no place in the real world. Real Sakura is pathetic and shy. Breathing in deeply, she slowly releases her breath, donning her extroverted Sakura persona. She already has accidently let Sensei and Sasuke see parts of her real self, she can’t risk them catching on. After all, no one likes her real self.

 _Definitely better to pretend to be extroverted,_ Inner agrees.

She blinks and plasters a large smile on her face, half-bobbing with each step. “Bet Sasuke-kun has grown more handsome since I last saw him,” she says, mimicking the adoring look Ino frequently spotted. Faking an infatuation with the Uchiha grates on her even more now, now that she doesn’t have the fear of her mother’s wrath hanging over her. Sakura didn’t care if Sasuke looked at her anymore and there is no one to show her efforts anymore.

“Sakura-chan, what Sasuke said the other day was terrible of him-”

She spins on the ball of her foot to grin at Sensei. “It’s okay, Sensei! Sasuke-kun was right after all!”

“No, he wasn’t,” Sensei says firmly, stilling her with a heavy hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay to grieve for your parents. It’s okay to cry.”

“I’m a shinobi now, Sensei.” Sakura didn’t get it. Shinobi weren’t supposed to show their tears, shouldn’t Sensei be frowning on her crying? Or is there some unsaid social etiquette that she is missing?

“Just because you’re a shinobi doesn’t mean you’re not human.”

“I am fine, Sensei.” She shakes his hand off and runs a few steps forward. “Come on! Just because you are always late, doesn’t mean I have to be too.” She turns, pretending not to feel Sensei’s gaze on her back. Why are people always so contradicting?

✥.✥.✥

Naruto jumps off the handrails, bouncing towards her the moment he sees her. “Sakura-chan! Where did you go? Kaka-sensei said you had things to deal with and you weren’t coming for a while! Then I had to do team practices with Teme. Kaka-sensei was really hard on Teme too and Teme was so sulky the whole time you were away. It’s so terrible! And all the D rank missions we had to do without you!” He pauses in mid-rant and then does a mini-shriek. “Kaka-sensei! You’re here! You’re not late! Teme! Kaka-sensei is not late today!”

Sasuke skulks towards them, a deep frown furrowed between his eyes. “You _came_ ,” he says to her like he’s surprised she even showed up.

 _Now would be a great time to throw yourself at him,_ Inner prompts.

Sakura twists her fingers together, trying to drag the energy to put on the charade. “Good morning, Sasuke-kun!” she chirps. Her smile plasters oddly on her face and even without Inner telling her, Sakura knows she screwed up the greeting.

“Hn-” He turns from her.

“Sasuke,” Sensei says in a half-scolding voice. “Remember our talk?”

Sasuke’s lips spasms, stiffly folding his arms across his chest.

“Sasuke…” Sensei’s tone is colder now and heavy with warning. “There will be no training for you if you don’t apologise.”

“It’s okay, Sensei!” Sakura quickly interrupts. “Sasuke-kun did nothing wrong!”

Sasuke jerks his chin at Sensei with a self-satisfied air.

“No Sasuke. Just because she _will_ bend over backwards for you, doesn’t mean you _should_ let her do it. You were in the wrong, you need to admit to it.”

“Ne, ne, Kaka-sensei, what did Teme do?” Naruto asks, wedging himself in-between Sensei and Sasuke.

Sensei leans away from Naruto and oddly, still has no orange book in his hand. “He congratulated Sakura on losing her parents.”

Naruto gapes at Sensei, his blue eyes flickering between Sasuke and her. “Wow, Teme. You really _are_ a Teme.” He whirls around, sticking his face right in front of Sasuke’s. “You definitely need to apologise. Even _I_ know that’s wrong.”

Sasuke harrumphs, turning his face from them. “She did it too. Why should I apologise for repeating her words?”

“Two wrongs don't make a right, Sasuke,” Sensei tells him, exasperated.

“It’s okay,” Sakura repeats. “Sasuke-kun did nothing wrong.”

“She doesn’t care anyway, I don’t see why you care.”

“Whatever it is. No apologies, no training.”

Sasuke gnashes his teeth angrily, then finally looks at her with a sneer. “I’m… _soorrry,_ ” Sasuke says. “ _Happy?_ ” He asks Sensei.

The look that Sasuke gives her is also as frightening as Mama’s. Why Sensei and Naruto insisted on Sasuke apologizing to her baffles her. Why was it wrong of Sasuke to congratulate her? She _is_ happier now, is that wrong?

Sensei slumps his shoulders with a sigh. “Fine. Start your laps. It's time for Team Seven’s dodge training.”

Naruto groans loudly. “Oh, Sage of the six paths, not dodge training! This is all your fault, Sasuke!”

Sensei whips out his shurikens and shoots one at Sakura, narrowly missing her flesh by a millimetre. She jerks out of her thoughts, staring wide eyes at him. Is she being included in training? Isn't this their specialized training time?

“What are you waiting for, Sakura-chan? That includes you too.”

Sakura quickly hurries after her two teammates, dodging his shurikens.

 _Includes her? Since when we are still part of Team Seven?_ Inner asks.

Sakura couldn't help reflecting on Raidou’s words. If Sensei came to check on her every night, then he _did_ want her to stay, right?

✥.✥.✥

Sakura stretches. Her back cracks from the long hours of moving through the rubble and debris. Genin missions are unlike the ones she did with Genma’s team. Those had been about stabilising buildings, rebuilding the foundation, removing traps. Even Sensei hadn’t been spared the brunt of D rank missions. Unlike all those times where he had sat around and watched them work, Sensei had been moving the large pieces of wall and beams that none of them were capable of moving, though Sakura thought that with chakra enhancement, she might have been able to move them. If circulating her chakra in a particular manner could lighten her weight, surely there had to be a pattern for strength and durability.

She tosses the last few pieces of rock into a pile for Naruto to clear, missing the chuunin team’s presence and bantering already. After this morning’s argument, team seven had fallen into an awkward silence. Before today, Sakura didn’t know Naruto was capable of being silent for an hour, let alone the seven long hours, and he hadn’t even asked her out for ramen or a date.

She stands and rotates her arm, feeling her joints crack loudly as Sensei motions them over.

“Today’s mission is over as of now. Tomorrow, I expect to see you at five a.m. at training ground seven.”

Naruto makes a loud disgruntled noise and jabs Sasuke in the ribs. “That’s like eight Kakashi-time, ne?”

Sasuke grunts, appearing to agree with Naruto. She hears a muffled snort as Sensei ruffles his hair roughly. “Back talks isn’t something to be proud of, Naruto.”

Naruto swipes Sensei’s hand away and ducks away. “No, but forward thinking is!”

She watches Sensei and Naruto rib each other with Sasuke adding on with his grunts, and a sense of isolation envelops her. She shuffles back and team seven doesn’t even notice. She dithers. Or perhaps, it’s like that time with the Ninja tag. They said she was on their team, but she really wasn’t. That made sense. Officially, she is part of Team Seven, but unofficially, she’s just a nominal member.

Genma had said that she _could_ go back to them. They probably would be okay with putting her up for one more night, right? She backs up further from them, giving team seven more space for their roughhousing.

“Five in the morning, just as the sun appears on the horizon. Not six, not seven,” Sensei says.

Naruto nods solemnly and turns towards where Sakura knew Ichiraku had set up their shop. “See you at eight, Kaka-sensei.” With that, Sasuke separates from them, taking off to wherever he goes to after training.

Sensei exhales loudly. “Naruto’s been spending too much time with the Nara.”

Deciding that her presence is no longer required, Sakura slips into one of the side roads only to be stopped by Sensei.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Sensei catches her by the elbow.

Sakura stiffens, fighting the urge to pull it out of his hand. Had she done something wrong? “I was… I was…”

“Come on,” Sensei says. His voice is uncharacteristically gentle. “You can sleep in my apartment. But first, why don’t we head to your house and find some more clothes for you to rotate in?” He rubs her threadbare sleeve with his fingers. “Your clothes don’t look like they can survive any more washings.”

“It’s okay, Sensei!” Sakura chirps. “I have enough!”

“Well, even if you don’t want clothes, let’s go back to your house and pick out some things you want to keep.”

Sakura’s stomach flops when she remembers The Stairs are exposed. “N-no! It’s okay.” She smiles a little too widely and Sensei frowns.

“Listen. I know you’re probably thinking that no one can understand what you’re feeling.” He steers her down the street, a hand on her back. “But when I was young, my mother died. My father… he killed himself a year later. I hated my father for leaving me behind.” His voice is quiet, barely audible over the din of the streets. “In a fit of anger, I burnt all their effects. I was six. Now I’m twenty-two. I wish I kept one or two.”

They stop in front of her house. The same broken beams and collapsed walls, the half-burnt garden where Mama’s flowers used to be.

She takes a step to the house. Sensei’s presence is right behind her. The wind blows. Sakura can see Mama’s curtains fluttering in the breeze. The books from Papa’s study is strewn across the ground, damp and half mouldy.

Inner is yelling for her to move at the back of her mind, echoing the jitteriness in her muscles. She takes another step. Her hand reaches out for the fence - the half broken fence that is smashed along the neighbour’s uprooted tree.  

She’ll have to get whatever things she has eventually. Sensei is here. She can do it with Sensei watching her. She _has_ to.

She puts one foot after another and stops at the doorway. Her hand shakes as she leans against the frame. She closes her eyes unwilling to see The Stairs. Her foot trembles, Sensei’s stare weighs heavily on her back.

Just a thing or two, like Sensei said, Sakura tells herself.

She picks up a random book, it’s a book the anatomy of the body. Her stomach lurches. She can taste the bile in the mouth. She remembers Papa using this book to teach her. Turning around, she pulls the edges of her mouth upwards. “Sensei, I got-”

Her foot slips on a damp cupboard door. She jerks back to regain her balance. Her eyes are wide open, scanning the ground for anything else she could trip on and lands on half hidden Stairs.

_No, no, no!_

Her body convulses, her throat muscles protest as she tries to heave air into her lungs.

_No, Papa._

“Sakura-chan,” she hears a masculine voice call her. A warm hand is on her bicep and she screams, drawing a kunai.

“NO!”

✥.✥.✥

“I need your help,” says Kakashi the moment he lands on the tree branch next to Tenzo.

Tenzo groans, leaning his head back onto the tree branch. “I don’t want anything to do with your shenanigans, I _will_ not help you prank-” he pauses at Kakashi’s glare. “What happened?” Tenzo asks, quickly gobbling his onigiri down.

Kakashi leaps deeper into the shinobi encampment where Genma and his team had been sleeping. Tenzo is right behind him, and he can practically smell the curiosity wafting off his kohai. Better than his little genin. Kakashi clenches his jaw as he remembers how sharp she had stank of fear.

Kizashi was a good medic, and he was good with children too. In a hospital where bedside manners are barely important, Kizashi connected well with people. Kakashi respected that man, except after that… that… _fiasco,_ he doesn’t think he is wrong; he just doesn’t want to be right.

“Hi-chan, I need your help. A third person’s point of view, if you must know,” he says without a preamble.

Genma stands up with Hisae. “Is Sakura okay?”

Kakashi nods his head. Sakura would be as okay she could ever be. Finding out what happened is important now. Would she want anyone to know? He couldn’t imagine that she would. His father hadn’t even abused him, and even now he still has difficulty thinking let alone talking about him.

“Come,” he just says.  

The two exchange looks but they don’t ask any further questions, immediately following him as he takes off to the direction of the residential district. Kakashi knew they would come willingly and without too many questions. He takes a deep breath, trying to don his stoic anbu persona again and failing. His little genin needs his help and if he’s right… then he has failed her for as long as he has been her sensei.

_He should have known._

Kakashi hears Genma suck in a breath when they land in front of Sakura’s house. There is still the stench of Sakura’s fear from this afternoon.

“What the _fuck_ happened?” Hisae demands. Her nose has always been a hundred times better than his. Hisae’s nostrils flare as she breathes in deeply, her teeth clenched so tightly that Kakashi thought she might break them. “Is it Kizashi?” she says and shakes her head. “No, Kizashi was a good man.” Her words echoing the feelings in him. Her feet picking through the place, uncaring of the debris lying in her wake. Considering how Genma looks distinctively ill, he must have put two and two together.

“What do you want us to do here?” Genma puts away his senbon with an uncomfortably serious look and turns to Kakashi.

“The building, Tenzo.” Kakashi says, stubbornly ignoring the question. What _did_ he want them to do? Show the world how Kizashi and his wife might have abused a child? Show how he failed as an anbu to pick it up?

Wordlessly, Tenzo throws up wooden pillars to reinforce the building’s structure. “Is that all you needed?” He squeezes Kakashi’s bicep, the only form of support Tenzo knows how to show.

“Her clothes…” Kakashi starts, rubbing his mouth uneasily. As twenty odd year old men, none of them would feel comfortable picking for her clothes and underwear. He turns to Hisae who is angrily digging through the broken walls and beams.

Sakura could barely make a step this afternoon. There is no way she could stand a trip here to get her things.

“...her books, anything you think she owned… Prioritising her clothes,” he adds.”Her smell is the strongest at the corner second floor, so you can start from that bedroom.”

They nod, leaping onto the beams and through the broken wall. Kakashi sighs. He can’t keep avoiding this. Well, he _can,_ but that would mean that he would be a bad sensei. Kakashi has strived for nothing less than perfection. He’s not a good man, and not a good shinobi, but damn will he do his best to be one. So despite his yearning to just run away, he grits his proverbial loins and makes his way to Hisae.

“Kashi-” Hisae looks up at him, her hands reaching for his vest. “I thought… I thought, you _know,_ her mother might have beaten her. I saw the way she reacted to Kurenai, I _assumed_ so. Civilians… they can’t deal too much damage and now that she’s a genin, her physical abilities would start to outstrip her mother’s...” Hisae shakes her head and drags him to a set of stairs leading downwards.

“Kizashi was a good man. He was always kind and caring. He never showed any inclination for T&I stuff! How could we miss this!?” She motions furiously at the stairs.

A jag of fear shoots up in him. _T &I? Like torture? _

He hurries down the stairs only to stagger backwards. It reeked of Sakura’s fear along with Kizashi’s joy and anger. Had he taken it out on his daughter? Kakashi channels chakra into his eyes and the shadows of the basement illuminate within his eyesight. He can see everything.  

“Almost looks like a clinic, doesn’t it?” Hisae says.

Except it definitely wasn’t.

“How did no one notice it?”

Hisae shuffles next to him, tugging her traditional Hatake face mask on to dampen the smell. “You know what else doesn’t leave scars?” she murmurs. “Medics.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A bit more insight on Sakura's issues and now the adults know. I made it vague on what The Stairs is, because I didn't want to make it graphical. So in case anyone didn't guess it, Kizashi tortured Sakura. 
> 
> We're arriving at the crux of this fic and we _will_ be shortly be heading into the recovery part of this fic. Sakura _will_ get better, she _will_ be stronger and she _will_ be happy. This ofc, doesn't include Sasuke in her happy ending or any man for that matter. My Sakura doesn't need a man to be happy. 
> 
> Thank you very much for the overwhelming response from last chp!
> 
> Beta-ed by: K.waifu and [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019
> 
> P.S: Tenzo is definitely guilty of helping Kakashi prank people.


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi could feel the anbu hopping across the trees as they patrolled the city. Once upon a time, they had helped to calm him, remind him that he wasn’t alone, that he was safe, that his remaining precious people were safe.

Now he’s not so sure.

How had the abuse gone by so many eyes? How could it have been that not a single person noticed it?? Kakashi prided himself on being a shinobi, being one of the best, being able to see underneath the underneath. How had he not seen it?

He changes his course, leaping off the roof and into the empty training grounds. Alone, Kakashi wrenches his mask down and ducks his head into a stream, holding himself under for several minutes before jerking himself up, taking large gulps of air.

 _One mistake doesn’t mean the end of the world,_ he reminds himself, trying to calm the swirling guilt in him. He cradles his head in his hands, remembering the room in the basement. As an anbu, he too had patrolled the city and he too had not noticed. Kakashi swipes the water from his face, pulling his mask back on. His hand lands on the small backpack that Genma and Tenzo had packed. The more they looked into Sakura’s past abuse, the uglier the secrets they had unearthed.

One small backpack was all they had that belonged to her. One small backpack and her academy textbooks.

So that means the diet he assumed she was on… Could it be that it wasn’t a diet at all? Was it all a part of the abuse? He grips his shirt and forces himself to slow his breathing. No point getting worked up over it now. He can’t change it. Kakashi repeated to himself the words Minato used to repeat to him.

He’ll need to watch her diet, build up her conditioning that is fitting of a kunoichi of her age.

His stomach lurches. _How could they even do this to their daughter?_ he thinks to himself.

Drawing himself away from his horrified thoughts, Kakashi starts planning her training routine. Anything is better than dwelling on what kind of abuse she went through.

Morning. First breakfast. Squats. Laps around the training ground. She won’t be up for running around the village yet. Push-ups followed by pull-ups. He’ll need to monitor her closely just in case her body can’t keep up with the conditioning. Second breakfast. After that, she can spar with the boys. No, the boys wouldn’t be able to control their strength. Tenzo would be a good sparring partner until she catches up physically.

He looks down, gloved hand still clutching Sakura’s pink backpack. More clothing for her, he tacks onto the growing to do list. _At least,_ Kakashi thinks hysterically, _all the anbu pay will come in handy._

✥.✥.✥

The last week had been strange for Sakura. She is hesitant to use the word great, but if she had to label it, she might even use the word great.

After her freak out, she had woken up in a bed full of dogs covered with a blanket that’s smelt like them and just like the other night; she slept in Sensei’s apartment, Sensei was wearing the same tortoise print apron, making breakfast. He didn’t scold her or ignore her. Sakura worried that she had dreamt up the whole encounter right up to Sensei handing her her backpack.

Then Sensei had exchanged his rickety couch with a futon. He said it’s _her_ futon now and it’s _pink with dog paw prints!_ Not that she likes pink, but it’s not very likely that Sensei would keep a pink futon. Hisae had brought her to the outfitters to pick out new casual clothes and uniform. Hisae said that as a kunoichi she shouldn’t be wearing bright red colours, not until she’s at least a B rank. Now she has more clothes than she have ever owned before. Clothes that she picked herself! Most of her clothes had been hand-me-downs from Hibana’s daughter who considered clothes old once she had them for over two months.

She wiggles her toes excitedly, polishing off the breakfast that Sensei had made for her. Sakura didn’t think it would ever be possible that she would ever get sick of the taste of white rice.

 _Rice is so much better than the shit ration bar,_ Inner agrees. _Now if only this week will never end._

Sensei refills her bowl wordlessly, barely looking up from his book. Clothes, food, her own futon. Sakura taps on the side of her bowl, the sound of the chopsticks tinkling against the porcelain bowl seems to echo in the silent apartment. Sensei flips a page, uncaring that his mask is down and she’s looking up.  No scars, no weird teeth or lips. Just ordinary face, a normal, handsome face. Quickly, Sakura jerks her eyes down. She scoops another mouthful of rice.

She’s practically living in Sensei’s apartment now. What would Mama say?

Her throat knots at the thought of Mama. Mama would say that she doesn’t deserve to eat rice. A kunoichi that barely brings in cash is a useless kunoichi. She pushes the bowl away, her appetite rapidly evaporating. She made Sensei spend all his money on her.

How is she going to repay him? The money she earns from D rank missions wouldn’t be enough to cover all his expenses.

“Are you done?” Sensei asks. “You didn’t finish your rice.”

“I’m full. Shouldn’t have taken a second helping,” she says, her lips twitching upwards into what should be a smile.

He hums. Even without a face mask, Sensei’s face is ridiculously difficult to read. Unlike Papa’s, who had the subtle tension at his eyes or lips, Sensei has none. She can’t tell if Sensei is angry at her for taking a second helping and not finishing her rice, or maybe she missed out a cue for her to leave. Mama said she was useless at reading people.

She resists twiddling her thumbs and waits for Sensei’s decision.

“If you say so Sakura-chan. There’s plenty of rice if you’re still hungry later,” he tells her as he picks up her bowl. He dumps the leftover rice into pack’s feeding bowls, tops it with canned dog food and whistles for the pack to eat.

“FOOD!”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura jerks awake. The apartment is almost eerily silent before she hears it, the sound of the toratsumigi bird calling repeatedly, or rather the subtle night emergency summon for jounin. An enemy! In Konoha!

“Pakkun?” she calls out, standing outside Sensei’s room. Pakkun doesn’t respond. He’s not here, none of them are here. She paces around the small apartment, peering out of the closed window. There is no movement outside the window either.

 _What did you think this was? The Chuunin Exam invasion again?_ Inner says. _It was a subtle call. Obviously, they didn’t want the enemy to know._

Sakura settles back into her futon, trying to will herself to go back to sleep. Regardless of whether Sensei comes back in time, training will still go on tomorrow at dawn. She doesn’t want to be so worn out that she can’t train.

The ceiling has twenty cracks, the large one reaches over and meets another crack twenty inches from the door. She turns, squeezing her eyes shut.

 _One kunai, two kunai, three kunai,_ Inner counts.

It doesn’t help. She can’t help hearing the sound of her breath exhaling loudly in the silence. She’s been staying with Sensei for only a week and already she’s gotten used to the sound of the dogs shifting in their sleep, their noisy breaths.

It’s two hours later that she hears the low call of the owl, the sound of an all-clear. She’s clutching her chest, trying to force herself to breathe slowly. The apartment is too small, the air is too stuffy.

She needs to get out. She needs to get away.

Unsealing the security seals, Sakura makes her way to her tree. There is no carnage outside, no additional broken buildings, no dark splotches on the ground. It makes her almost wonder if she had imagined the emergency jounin summon.

She wanders past a chuunin guard post and stops. It’s empty.

_Why is there an all-clear signal when the guards aren’t back?_

The guards should have returned by now if there was an all-clear signal. Sakura could remember her shinobi handbook word for word. She raises her head, trying to find an anbu patrol, but there are none. All guard posts have at least one stationed anbu team. They should have returned after the all-clear signal was sung.

This is one of the outgoing guard posts. If an attack or an infiltration were to occur, there would be a thirty-five percent chance of it occurring here.

She sucks in deep breaths, trying to stop herself from panicking. She’s a genin. How would a single fresh genin, a talentless, useless kunoichi be of any use?

She stretches her chakra out the way Takeo had done when he was sensing chakra.

 _Did you expect to suddenly be able to sense chakra?_ Inner wryly asks.

Ignoring Inner, Sakura hurries towards the next guard post. The next guard post is closer to the Uchiha compound but it’s empty too. Not a trace of the anbu team or the chuunin guards.

Something _is_ wrong.

What was the pattern Papa flared his chakra for anbu again? Long, short, short, long? Having nothing to lose except perhaps her life after alerting whatever that made the guards go away, Sakura flares her chakra as strong as she can.

“What are you doing here, Sakura?”

She spins around and Sasuke steps into the dim lights.

“Sasuke-kun?” Sakura whispers. There are no guards, no anbu team. Sensei is gone along with Pakkun. There are no guards. Her mind circles those four words.

 _Son of a -!_ Inner snarls. _Did he time this?_

“Where are you going?” Sakura steps towards him even if its the last thing she wants to do. She’s having the best week she had so far, letting Sasuke go might change Sensei’s attitude towards her. Sensei would be very disappointed with her.

“Hn- None of your business.”

She flared her chakra really strong, there _should_ be at least an anbu patrol somewhere, right?

 _We just need to buy time until the patrol comes._ Inner says. _Pretend to be a sweet fangirl? Perhaps cry? Mama always cried when she wanted attention._

“Are you leaving?” she asks. The tremble in her voice is real. There is no way she could beat Sasuke. She forces tears to her eyes and reaches out for him. “Why are you leaving? Is it because of your revenge? I can help!”

Sasuke stares at her with disgust. “And what are you going to help with?”

“I- I-” What _can_ she help with that he can’t do? Sakura clenches her fist, bile almost choking her. “I-”

“You’re just a girl, a civilian playing ninja. The only thing you _can_ do are those honey-pot missions, spreading your legs for the sake of the village.”

The worst part is that Sasuke isn’t wrong.

She clutches his sleeve. “But we’re a team! If- if you need-”

He shoves her away or tries to and Inner is sick of this. She changes the flow of her chakra, using her sudden weight gain to drag Sasuke to the ground. He back kicks her, but she dodges. Channelling chakra to her hand, Sakura firmly glues herself to his sleeve, forcing Sasuke to spin around in order to keep his balance.

“Let go!” Sasuke snarls and pulled back, slamming his elbow into her ribs.

Sakura barely dances out of the way, her hand still glued to his sleeve. Where is the anbu patrol? “Why do you want to leave? If it’s to get stronger then Sensei’s already giving you specialised training, why do you want to give that up?”

Sasuke tears his sleeve out of her hands with a loud rip. He leaps forward, kunai in his hand. Bending backwards, Sakura evades his kunai but not the shurikens he had thrown stealthily. She grunts, biting her cheeks hard enough that she tastes blood.

“ _Specialised_ training? You mean all the pathetic sparring and running?” His kunai slices her cheek, his sidekick nailing where his elbow had punched.

“Sensei taught you Chidori!” She rolls out of his descending kick, panting heavily.

“It’s just _one_ skill.” Sasuke stands above her, staring at her. Sakura hates how he’s not breathing as hard as she is. The difference between them has never felt bigger than it does now.

“He considered you his heir! Hatake Kakashi is Konoha’s strongest shinobi. He’s being considered for Hokage and he considers you his _heir,_ ” she hisses. Each breath she takes feels like broken glass. She’s definitely broken a rib or two.

Sasuke goes absolutely still at her words. Taking advantage of the situation, Sakura leaps away towards the guard post.  Maybe there’s an emergency comm? If she can call to the Hokage tower-

She pauses at a glimmer.

_A headband!_

In the dim light, Sakura can pick out a chuunin vest tucked away in the bushes.

_It’s not just a vest. It’s a body! Was the all-clear signal even by the surveillance team?_

Sakura turns slowly towards Sasuke. He blinks, his black eyes now red, with three tomoes lazily spinning in them. “I am an _Uchiha_. I am _no one’s_ heir,” he says and the world goes black.

✥.✥.✥

When she wakes up, it’s to an empty hospital room. It’s through the nurse that she finds out about her fellow genin graduates pursuing Sasuke due to a lack of high ranking shinobi in the village. Chouji and Neji barely survived.

She staggers into Sensei’s apartment with instructions not to spar or do any heavy lifting for the next three days. Her futon is messily laid out, her books are stacked beside her pillow, just the way she left it two nights ago.

 _Kakashi is going to be so pissed at us,_ Inner says. _We just lost his precious student._

She rolls up her futon and puts it into the cupboard. Taking a step towards her books, she glances at the clock. Naruto would want to know that there’s no training today.

_Is he even there?_

Naruto is predictably sitting on the bridge they always meet on, with his legs stuck through the railings looking like Ichiraku had just announced that they were no longer going to make ramen.

“Naruto?”

He startles so hard that it looks like he might get his head stuck between the railings. It’s a small mercy that he doesn’t. Going to the mission desk to help them get Naruto unstuck would be immensely embarrassing.

“Sakura-chan! What are you doing up?” Naruto flails and motions her to sit. “Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?!”

_Right, Naruto was in the team that pursued Sasuke._

“I came to tell you that I won’t be able to train.” She scratches the back of her head with a deprecating laugh.

Naruto gives her a blank look. “Sakura-chan… Teme broke two of your ribs and fractured another, you know... How… how can you think about _training_?! And I-” He looks down, his hands gripping his knees so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

“I’M SORRY!” He kneels in front of her, his forehead pressed onto the wood of the bridge, his hands flat against the ground.

Sakura shuffled backwards in surprise. Why would he apologise? Why-

“What are you saying sorry for? It’s not… exactly _your_ fault,” she says in a strangled voice. “I couldn’t stop him either… ”

“Not just that… I... I overheard Kaka-sensei talk to Iruka-sensei about your parents. I didn’t know I was supposed to tell someone about it.” His hands claws at the ground.

“What do you mean by talking about my parents?” Why would Sensei be talking to Iruka-sensei about her parents? She twists her lips, clutching the ends of her shirt. “Why would Kakashi-sensei tell Iruka-sensei about my parents being dead?”

He lifted his head up, his blue eyes seemed to scorch into the very depths of her soul. Sakura hadn’t known that Naruto could look so serious.“Dead? No, no. He was talking about how your parents abu-zed you.”

She lifts a hand to cup her mouth and averted her eyes to the bubbling stream. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. My parents didn’t abuse me.”

“He said they beat you. Iruka-sensei said that if I knew or suz-peck-ted, I should have told him about it.” Naruto looks guiltily at his hands. “I only thought that if I could get you to go eat ramen with me, everything would be okay. Cuz, you know, ramen makes everything better for me.”

“My parents didn’t _beat_ me.” She crosses her arms, refusing to look anywhere near Naruto.

“Don’t lie Sakura-chan,” Naruto says. He sits up with a large pout on his face. “I could tell from the look in your eyes at school. Your parents beat you. Kaka-Sensei found evi-dent-ce about it.”

“I’m not lying!” Sakura clutches her wrist, nails digging tiny crescents into her palm. “Stop saying my parents beat me! Mama and Papa were _good_ people!”

“Stop denying it! Sakura, they hit you.” Naruto slams a fist onto the ground. “Kaka-sensei told Iruka-sensei that they might not have been feeding you. Jiji says that parents shouldn’t be like that… I thought getting beaten was normal too but Jiji… he said that Adults shouldn’t be hitting children outside of training. Jiji… he’s… was the Hokage, so he should be right.”

“My parents trained me a lot. They didn’t beat me or abuse me.” Her lips curl and she snorts, “you’re an orphan! Like you would know what parents should be like.”

The leaves rustle in the breeze, the water tumbling over the rocks. Immediately Sakura regretted her words but it is true and so they hung heavily in the silence until it became clear the Naruto was not going to say anything in response. Swallowing tightly, she plasters a smile on.

“I was just a bad kunoichi. That’s why it looked like… they were _abusing_ me. I mean, you’ve seen how pathetic my stamina is.” She chuckles, dropping her arms to the sides with a shrug. “Sasuke-kun is right. I’m just a civilian playing ninja.”

Naruto lets out a roar, pouncing onto her, and pushes her down onto the bridge. “STOP SAYING THAT! You are not _pathetic,_ or _useless!_ ”

“But It’s the truth!”

“Nuh ah, it’s not!”

“Yes, it is. Just because you refuse to see it doesn’t make it less true.”

Naruto pulled himself off with a grimace. “I’ll show you. I’ll prove to you that you’re not pathetic or _useless._ And I’ll never go back on my word! Cuz that’s my ninja way, you know!”

He spins around and runs towards the direction of Ichiraku.

 _But that’s not how it works,_ Inner mutters.

Climbing to her feet, Sakura stared at the bridge and wondered if this is the end of Team Seven. She places a hand on the rail, somehow feeling like coming here would be her last time. Naruto had too much chakra for anyone to ignore. Sensei probably would pick him to be his shishou.

She goes back to Sensei’s apartment. It’s still exactly as she left it .

Naruto doesn’t turn up the next day or the day after.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This episode took longer cuz I got stuck on Naruto and Sakura's argument. There was supposed to be a lot more in this chapter. I axed off about 4 sections of it which discusses stuff. Please don't kill me. There's not much Kakashi in this chapter or next hehe... But there will be Tenzo's official appearance? And Genma's too. AND THE RECOVERY WILL START. 
> 
> *DRUMROLL* 
> 
> Who is going to be Sakura's teacher? *evil laugh* We shall see, shan't we? Any guesses? Also let me know what you hope to see/read about. FYI I adjusted some of the names and minor stuff in the previous chapters.
> 
> Thank you for the overwhelming response from last chapter! ♥
> 
> Beta-ed by: [K.waifu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_waifu/pseuds/k_waifu) and [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019
> 
> P.S: That tortoise print apron was definitely from Gai.
> 
> P.P.S: The toratsugumi bird has a creepy call, but it's totally a night bird. Here, you can listen to it here http://www.bird-research.jp/1_shiryo/koe/toratsugumi_110416_hahajima_mju.mp3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Important:** ESR has tags that covers _Mental Health issues_ and _Depression_. Please note that the first half chapter touches these topics and its various issues with having those 2 illness, including **suicide attempts**.

And just like Inner warned her, like she had pretended not to see coming, the idyllic days of warm food ended. Sensei is off to some mission, Naruto never turned up after that day and Sasuke is gone. Why had she hoped? If she had not hoped, she wouldn’t be feeling _this_. She chokes down her saliva, blinking the hot tears away.

Sakura heads back down to the shinobi encampment, trying to ignore Inner who just repeats that they won’t be there.

 _Adults lie. We can’t trust anyone,_ Inner insists.

 _‘Yes they will,’_ she thinks.

She wants to trust them. They were kind, kinder than they needed to be for a person like her. Sakura didn’t want to be by herself anymore. Her stomach roils at the sight of the empty encampment. There isn’t even Hisae’s bag tucked in a corner. They had left.

Moved perhaps? Sakura tries to comfort herself. Maybe they’re at the Jounin lounge?

 _And if they’re there, then what?_ Inner asks. _What do you want them to do? Take you in? Comfort you? Why would anyone want to bother that?_

But Raidou said to, Sakura answers. She’s just obeying Raidou’s instructions.

 _No you’re not. You should stop lying to yourself. You’re just needy, always wanting attention. Wanting someone to look at you,_ Inner sneers.

She crouches against a tree, trying to drown out the sound of Inner’s derisive comments. _Inner doesn’t exist,_ Sakura repeats to herself. There is no second voice in her head.

She picks herself up and decides to check the jounin lounge. Raidou said they _would_ be there. Raidou said that she could come back, that someone wanted her. She walks past the Ninja Academy, trying not to feel the weight of her hitai-ate on her head. Shame burns in her. She’s supposed to be a genin now, someone responsible enough to carry sharp kunai, dependable enough to be in charge of evacuations, capable of independent orders when defending civilians.

Except Sakura isn’t any of these.

She knows only the burning leaf kata taught in academy, her throwing technique is average, and the only three jutsus she knows are useless in a fight and now she’s searching for someone to tell her what to do.

_‘Useless.’_

At this thought, Sakura stops outside the jounin lounge. Even if she found Genma’s team, then what? They had taken her in out of pity. How long will they put up with her before turning her out like Naruto and Sensei did?

She stares up at the dark red doors, feet half a step away from running away. Even if she doesn’t stay with them, Genma and Raidou would want to know she’s okay, right? Sakura forces herself to slide the door open and peer in. Contrary to her hopes, Genma’s team isn’t in the Jounin lounge either. It’s, in fact, disappointingly empty.

 _I told you,_ Inner hisses. _Adults lie. We can’t trust anyone_.

This time, Sakura can’t even bring herself to disagree with Inner. Sensei’s apartment is still empty when she returns at late afternoon. Dark and silent just the way she left it. There are no sounds of claws clacking against the wood floor or the snuffle of Bisuke fighting with Akino as they always are. She sits on the floor, chin tucked onto her knees. She can’t just sit around waiting for them to come back. Not to mention she let Sensei’s precious heir go. He would be angry when he comes back. If she leaves now, it’d be better for her. She always knew this would be temporary and now that she’s at the end, she needs to accept it. It’s her fault for hoping that it’d be different. Inner had told her but she refused to listen and decided that it was a good idea to lean on the first person that promised it’d be different.

She has no one to blame but herself for this result. If she was better, stronger, smarter, maybe she might have stopped Sasuke, stopped making Papa and Mama angry. She might even have been popular like Ino.

Sakura packs her things, leaving the clothes that Hisae-san had bought for her. Even if she had picked them out herself, she hadn’t paid for them. That meant they didn’t belong to her.

One small pink bag. The same small pink bag that Papa had gotten for her before she became a bad girl, before she had turned five.

Lost in her thoughts, her feet have somehow led her back to Team Seven’s bridge - the red bridge near the third training ground. Instead of leaning against the railings as she usually did, Sakura took a seat near where the stream converged into a river, staring into the water, her feet trailing in the water.

What a waste of space she is. Talentless, useless. A waste of air and money to train. Her fingers dug into the wet earth. Her breath stutters, her ribs squeezing her lungs for more air, air that she can’t seem to breathe. Maybe she could stop breathing. If she stopped breathing, then she could stop wasting air. She could get away from all this.

Her hand grazes a cold rock, startling her enough to look at it. Maybe if she weighed herself down in the river, no one would find her. Sakura shudders and stands. A moment of clarity overwhelming her. Inner is right, Inner has been right all along. Who was going to look for her? Yuriko-obasama? No, Yuriko-obasama would be happier to see her gone just like Saito-ojisan would. Sensei wouldn’t care, Naruto left just like Sasuke. She barely knew Genma or Raidou so it would make sense that they wouldn’t look for her either. Why is she even bothering to struggle?

She’s just a civilian playing ninja.

Sakura rips the hitai-ate off her head and throws it onto the ground. She doesn’t deserve it or her kunai or her shurikens. Wearing them is like mocking of all the other shinobi and kunoichi. She tears her holster off, tosses her pouch onto the bank; shoulders heaving with fear. The muscles in her neck clenching so tightly that she can barely manage a breath.

It’ll be like going to sleep, she tells herself. She knows this. She’s been there, in The Basement. Dimly, she can remember Papa’s voice when he dunks her into the freezing water.

_Waterboarding is one of the popular torture techniques. You must learn to breathe through the pain and tell yourself ‘there is no pain’._

She isn’t afraid of this. Doing this would be a favour to Konoha.

She picks up the large decorative rock and lets the water lap over her toes. She’s shaking as she walks into the middle of the river where the water is deeper, and runs faster.

_‘I don’t want to die.’_

She has to do this. Has to be the bigger one. Has to set them free.

She’s doesn’t want to struggle anymore.

She’s tired.

_‘Someone please see me.’_

The chakra on her soles goes out and she drops into the river, weighed down by the rock she’s carrying. The water is freezing in spite of the sun and it shocks her. Her breath bubbles up like tiny diamonds under water. Her lungs seizes, fighting for more oxygen, her hands clutch tightly onto the rock, rapidly sinking into the river.

 _Are you going to be useless again? Here? Now?_ Inner asks.

Her throat convulse, hands spasming as she struggles to keep a grip on the rock. Her body is being cradled by the water, drifting along the current.

_“Useless. Why did I birth such a useless child. Can’t even act like a proper girl.” Mama twists her ear, lips twisting in disgust. “If I hadn’t had you, I wouldn’t have had to marry that oaf.”_

_‘I’m sorry, Mama. I’m sorry. Forgive me, please.’_

Bubbles escapes her mouth as her lungs squeeze for more air. There is no air left. Her throat is a knot of pain, but she can’t find the energy to move or even paddle.

_Papa wipes her tears away.  “Now, this is a popular Iwa torture technique. The important point is that if you ever get caught, no one in this world is going help you, except yourself. If you can’t breathe through the pain, then you will die.”_

_‘I don’t want to die. ’_

But she has to. The world would be better without someone like her draining resources.

 _The world doesn’t care whether you live or die!_ Inner yells.

And that’s why it hurts even more. Would anyone even notice if she’s gone. She doesn’t have anyone that cares for her anymore. Why does it matter if she struggled.

 _So you’re giving up?_ Inner asks. _The world isn’t going to help you if you don’t help yourself._

How could she help herself? She couldn’t stop Papa. She couldn’t get Mama to love her. Why didn’t Mama love her? Why? _WHY?_

Even Ino’s mama loved her when they were in public. The Haruno Clan never loved her. A scandal, they called her. The merchants never liked Papa. Papa is a shinobi first, medic second, Haruno last. He didn’t even have a wedding dinner when he married Mama.

Her body sinks further, hands and knees scraping the riverbed. She’s cold now. Like the water shock treatment Papa used have her go through.

It’ll be like going to sleep, Sakura repeats to herself.

She can see the look of Papa’s face when he leads her to The Stairs. She remembers how Mama used to ignore her, how she fought to get Mama’s attention by being prettier, smarter, quieter. Mama didn’t care. All families have their skeletons, Mama used to say. Ino must have suffered this too when she’s not around, that’s why Ino liked having her around.

Then Mama said she couldn’t be friends with Ino anymore. Proper girls aren’t friends with kunoichi, Papa agreed with her. She saw the look on Papa’s face, recognized the warning on his face.

She struggled to keep Ino as a friend, but Ino left her. What was her reward for being loyal? There isn’t any point in trying.

 _Are you giving up? Now?_ Inner presses. _You can do anything you want now. Be anyone you want. And you’re going to roll over like Papa and Mama said you would. Proving to them that they’re correct. That you’re a coward._

 _‘I’m not a coward!’_ Sakura screams inwardly, her shoulders shake.

 _Coward! That’s what you are doing right now,_ Inner sneers. _After all those years and you decide to run away._

_‘I’m not running away. I’m helping them’_

_Killing yourself is running away no matter which way you look at it. Living is harder,_ Inner says. _They reached out to you! Sensei even did the paperwork for you. You remember how he is always running from  mission reports and he did yours for you._

Didn’t Inner hate Adults? Didn’t she say that Adults lie? Why is she defending them now?

 _I don’t trust them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate them. Sensei fed you, let you shower in his apartment, sleep in his apartment,_ Inner replies. _We survived so long and now we’re giving up when people reached out?_

_‘But no one stopped papa.’_

_That’s on you. The world isn’t going to help you if you don’t help yourself. You could have stopped Mama, could have told Inoichi, told Iruka-sensei. You didn’t. And that’s on you,_ Inner says. _You made a mistake._

Her fingers are numb now, like how her legs feel. Her leg scrapes on a rock, her body convulsing for more oxygen. Black spots dance across her vision.

She remembers the look on Ino’s face. Ino had respected her choice even if she didn’t want to. Ino. Her eyes are hot and burning. If she goes like this, she’ll never get to say sorry to Ino. She won’t get to pet Pakkun or Bisuke again. She never got to tell Naruto that she saw Sensei’s face either.

_‘I don’t want to die.’_

Sakura drops the rock and kicks upwards. She bursts out of the river gasping and coughing. She gulps the air greedily, peeling her hair from her face only to come face to face with Shikamaru.

“Oh thank the sage,” Shikamaru says, his feet coated with chakra to stay afloat. “I thought I was going to have to get wet,” he grouses, pulling her back up and helping her walk back to the river bank. “What in sage of the six name’s were you doing down there for so long anyway?”

She stares at him, trembling. Small rivulets trickles down her face and despite the clean water she had just tried to drown herself in, all Sakura tasted is salt. Her legs can barely hold herself up and had it not been Shikamaru half carrying her, she probably wouldn’t have made it back to the shore by herself.

She’s tired, like she’s ran a three day non-stop sprint to the borders. She doesn’t want to pretend anymore. Would it be okay to just be herself? Sakura huddles on the cold ground, trying to force herself to breathe normally. She counts the number of kunai she has in her pouch, the number of shurikens in her holster, the number of pink flowers she can see and by the time she no longer feels like the trees are closing in on her, she can feel a steady warmth on her back. In her haze, Shikamaru had made a fire.

Shikamaru adds another stick to the fire. His dark eyes are as piercing as Sakura remembers them to be, his eyebrows furrowed between his eyes. Shikamaru had given her that same frown when she told Ino that they couldn’t be friends anymore, like he knows what she’s doing.

“Thank you,” she says and he only grunts in response. The fire crackles and pops; the leaves rustle, branches creaking in the wind. She schools a shuddering breath, leaning her forehead against her knees. A calloused hand slips into hers and she blinks at Shikamaru.

“When you’re ready, we can go to Yakiniku,” he drawls, lying supine next to her. He doesn’t bother asking her again on why or what she was doing and Sakura’s thankful for that, because truthfully she didn’t know what she’d reply if he pressed.

“I don’t remember agreeing to Yakiniku…” Sakura mumbles, though she doesn’t really put up a fight. Already pulling out dry clothes from her bag, she changes and folds her wet ones away. She’s tired and terribly lonely, and if she had to be honest, she really didn’t want to be alone right now. How pathetic is that?

“I don’t remember asking,” Shikamaru replies and sighs. His hand curls around her bicep, tugging her along. His grip is tightening when she glances back at the river. “Troublesome girl. I have a reservation for two and Chouji’s still in the hospital. So you are going to eat with me.”

Sakura lets him lead her, his grip not easing up until they reach the Yakiniku place. Clearly he’s at this Yakiniku resturant enough that the waitresses don’t even bother asking him for his order. They even lead him to what seems to be his regular seat.

Things won’t change if she just lets herself drift down this river. She is free now. There is no one to prove to, no one to answer to.

She pretends to ignore his half-lidded stare and doesn’t even try fooling herself that he might not know what she had just tried to do.  

“Hey Shikamaru…?” Sakura starts.

The meat sizzles on the grill and he wordlessly puts some on her place. He arches an eyebrow at her silence.

It’s okay to depend on someone right? “Would you… Would you train with me?”

He stares at her for long minute and slumps into his seat. “Fine…”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura climbs onto a tree to sleep for the night, adjusting her backpack as a pillow. Shikamaru promised to train with her in the morning. Somehow she’s ninety percent certain that his idea of training is playing shogi. It’s not like they could lean on their sensei to guide them through training, or motivate the Nara in this case. Apparently from what Shikamaru told her at dinner, Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei had also been sent out for a mission. Maybe that’s why Genma and Raidou, and Hisae, and Sensei had disappeared.

She covers her eyes with an arm. Shikamaru promised to train with her! She can get stronger, right? If she works hard at it, she can get better right? Pulling out a kunai, she flips it idly in her hand, thinking. She can see the sun is setting through the leaves, streaks of orange marr the darkening blue. She hadn’t been able to answer when Shikamaru asked her what specialisation she had planned to go into, hadn’t even _thought_ of it.

What _could_ she do?

She naws on her bottom lip.  She’s a paper ninja. What about chakra control? Raidou said that she learnt the chakra weight thing a lot faster when compared to even jounin. She imagined dancing around the battlefield spitting fireballs at her enemies. Could she be a ninjutsu specialist?

Her, a ninjutsu specialist? Sakura lets out a mirthless chuckle. Civilian born Haruno Sakura with below average chakra stores, becoming a ninjutsu specialist. How ridiculous. She fists the hem of her shirt, trying to ignore the doubt that feels like it is swallowing her up.

Turning on her branch, Sakura almost screams and falls out of the tree when a frog appears right in front of her face.

“Haruno Sakura?” the frog asks in a bored tone.

“Y-yes?” she replies, still breathing hard from the shock, sitting upright to stare at it.

“Oh gud. Lettaa.” The frog immediately vomits out a letter and disappears with a poof. She stares at the bile-covered letter in bewilderment.

 _Ugh, gross._ Inner mutters.

Ew, Sakura agrees, carefully using two fingers to peel open the letter.

 

_Sakura!_

_I’m so sorry I didn’t turn up for training. Ero-sennin kidnapped me in the middle of the night and said we had to go. He didn’t even let me pack my ramen! Or have my goodbye ramen! He says for my ‘safety’ I can’t tell anyone where I am or where we are going. I don’t even know where we are. Ero-sennin says that he’s gonna train me and I can’t come home for awhile either. I think it’s bullshit. Well, at least about the training part. All he’s been doing is peeping into the girls’ onsen! I even poured glitter in his pants last night. And all he did was say to this woman he was trying to flirt with that he had a glittery dick._

_I can’t believe that he thinks his shitty pick-up lines are even good. Glitter dick. It’s been four days since I left and I’m already missing ~~you~~ home. Give me some ideas to get even with Ero-sennin, Sakura! I tried everything! Even pranking jiji wasn’t this hard! _

 

There is a large ink blot in the middle of the page like he rested his pen there too long. Sakura can’t help but smile at his letter. His characters are as hard to read as they always have been. Scratched out sentences following one another. She squints in the fading light, circulating minute chakra in her eyes to enhance her vision.

 

_Ero-sennin tells me I can't make you feel better about your self-worth by proving that you're wrong about yourself. He said a lot of other things too! But I’m not as good as remembering things like you and he likes using big words. I think he does it on purpose._

_Anyway, there is something good that I remember and I wanted to tell you! It happened like way, way long time ago! We were young when we first met and you defended me from the bullies, and I wanted to be like you! I remembered it! It was so… Awesome! You didn’t give in to those boys even though you were half the size of them! So no matter how you feel about yourself, you’ll never be pathetic or useless to me! We trained together for so long and I know you always tried your best. So even though I won’t be there for awhile, I know you’ll be great so don’t you dare give up._

_We’ll be great together! I’ll be the Hokage and you’ll be my Jounin Commander! Or even Anbu Commander! Ero-sennin says that the Anbu Commander is even scarier than the Jounin Commander. I think he only says that cuz he’s afraid of the lady that used to be on his team._

_Let’s spar again when I come back! Also, I realised that I need more blackmail material on Ero-sennin. Help!_

_\- The one and only Uzumaki Naruto!_

 

Bullies? Sakura couldn’t remember ever defending anyone from bullies. Ino had been the one that was constantly doing the defending. She never had the…

_Oh._

She looks down at her knees and remembers. She was four then. It was before Papa’s teammate had died. The little boy that she rescued from the bigger boys had been Naruto. It had only been a few years ago yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

 _Shannaro! We’ll show them all!_ Inner says.

And Naruto had remembered that, worried about her, if he was genuine about his reasons for constantly asking her out for ramen. Anbu Commander… She looks down at her hands, still too soft for a kunoichi. Sakura tries to remember the her then. Sakura the Strong, she used to say. That was going to be her bingo title.

“Sakura the Anbu Commander,” she murmurs and likes the way it rolls off her tongue.

She imagines herself wearing the white mask and black uniform, along with the white cloak, riding into battle beside Hokage Naruto.

And wants.

✥.✥.✥

“Kid, if this was an hide and seek mission, I might even grade you an A.” The sound of Genma below her tree startles Sakura awake, hands gripping her kunai in her sleepy state. “How you hide so well with a red dress and pink hair baffles me. I’ll even give you bonus points for your reflex if I hadn’t been searching for you for _three_ hours.”

Sakura peers down to see Genma lean on a crutch with a cast arm under her tree. “Gen- Genma-san! What happened to you?” Who could have beaten Genma so badly?

He grins up at her. “Well… this is what happens when you disregard team formation and decide it’s a smart idea to take on four shinobi with only two people even though you’re not a front liner,” he replies disparagingly.

She blinks owlishly at him. “Oh…”

“Yea, oh.” He slips a finger under his cast to scratch a spot. “So kid. What are you doing sleeping on a tree? Is Kakashi’s apartment too old?”

She fiddles with the edge of her dress and after the silence lengthens uncomfortably, Genma hobbles up the tree, plopping next to her. “Do you want to tell me why you aren’t sleeping at Kakashi’s place?” He scratches his head with a long sigh.

“It’s okay to stay there, you know?” Genma slowly reaches over and ruffles her hair. “I’ve been friends with him since I was six. We sat next to each other for a week in the academy. Now me, I’ve never gotten a key from him even though I bunked at his place for a whole year. “

He loops his finger around the dog keychain and pulls it out of her pocket. “And you not only have a key but a keychain, gifted from him.”

Sakura ducks her head, wondering if he’s saying this because he’s jealous. If she were in his sandals, she would be understandably jealous too. After all, she got all the stuff that Genma didn’t in spite of his long friendship with Sensei.

He jangles the key in front of her and puts it back in her hands when she doesn’t take it. She keeps her eyes trained on the ground. If there’s a moment of revenge, this would be it. “I’m just pointing out Kakashi’s intent. I mean, he got you a _pink_ futon.” Genma chuckles, his laughter growing in volume until he’s clutching his side. “I’m just imagining Kakashi carrying a pink futon back from the shop with his Icha Icha in front of him.”

At the image of her sleepy looking Sensei carrying a pink futon over his shoulder across the marketplace, Sakura couldn’t help but giggle.

“Ah… there you go. That’s the smile I was looking for,” Genma says with a smile. “Now stop sleeping in trees.” He hooks her pink bag onto his crutch and catches the straps with his arm cast. Not waiting for a response, he lands on the ground with grunt. “Come on! Or least we won’t have enough time.”

“Time for what?” she asks, scampering after him. For someone using a crutch, Genma is pretty fast.

He pulls a sheet of paper out from his vest and hands it to her.

 _5am - 6am: Meditation_  
6am - 7am: Morning run  
7am - 8am: Muscle conditioning  
8am - 8.30am: Break  
8.30am - 10am: Sparring  
10am - 12pm: Assigned theoretical/chakra training   
1pm - 2pm: Lunch  
2pm - 7.30pm: Assigned genin mission  
7.30pm - 8.30pm: Evening run

“That’s the training schedule your sensei passed to us. Now _obviously_ we can’t spar.” He wiggles his fingers that are trapped in the cast at her. “So we’re going to be working on something different until I can find someone to spar with you.”

She looked down. “Shikamaru agreed to train with me…?” she says, remembering the conversation from yesterday’s dinner.

“Did he?” Genma frowns, his senbon bobbing up and down on his lip as he chews on it. “He’s a chuunin, most of the chuunin are being sent on border patrol today. Considering he’s a freshly promoted one, he will be on the shortest patrol route. But that still means he’ll be away for four days.”

Her face falls at his words. The idea of actually training with someone had been something she was looking forward to.

Genma ruffles her hair. “Don’t worry! We’ll work something out.”

Sakura follows behind Genma’s slow limp though it’s clear that he’s used to having to move around with a crutch.

“Do you know why the healers didn’t just heal it fully?” he asks a few minutes later.

“Bones that are allowed to heal by themselves become stronger in the long run. Accelerated Chakra healing uses the marrow of the present bones to patch them up, thus thinning the bones,” Sakura replies immediately.

“Good answer. All chuunin are supposed to know basic field first aid. I’ll teach you later. But first-” They stop at the entrance of a training ground Sakura had never ever been to. “We’re running behind schedule, so we’re skipping the meditation part and straight to the fun part!”

He motions to the faded sign and flicks from ‘open’ to ‘occupied’. “Welcome to training ground sixty-three. Where the water is too solid for liquid and too liquid to walk properly on and trees have no branches!”

Training grounds forty and above were meant for chuunin and above, and just looking in made it clear why. “Now, there are swamps in this training ground. I want you to run fifteen laps. You have an hour starting five minutes ago.”

Sakura eyes the ground with some trepidation and tests a foot on the surface.

“Sa-ku-ra _aaa_ , for every lap you fail to complete in the time frame, will mean an additional twenty for all your muscle conditioning exercises~” Genma sings, leaning against the signpost. “Fifty minutes left~”

Her foot squishes into the slimy water with her first step, the mud sliding between her toes as she tugs it out with a grimace.

“Forty-five minutes left~”

 _Shannaro! That wasn’t even five minutes!_ Inner yells.

Sakura wordlessly begins to run through, adjusting the chakra in her soles with every step. The swamp, unlike running on water, is a lot more difficult. Not all parts of the swamp have the same density of water and soil. By the time she had completed her fifteen laps, her body and brain felt like noodles.

Not even giving her a breather, Genma set a hard and fast pace for her push ups and pull ups, even throwing senbon at her occasionally as she ran through the exercises.

She’ll get better and stronger, Sakura tells herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have so many things to say this chp! I apologise that this chp took longer than usual. I was aiming for an update every 2 weeks *squeaks* Thank you so much for the huge response last chp! ♥♥
> 
> Before anyone says Sakura’s dive in the river was unrealistic, I’d like to say that I struggled that way too and managed to pull myself out. I obviously didn’t have an Inner to yell at me, but I’d like to think that the loud inside voice in my head is quite like what Inner might be. Sakura is a strong willed character by nature, I believe Inner (the strong personality part of her) would be her anchoring stone. Depression and health issues can work differently for different people. And like all illness, there are good days and bad days. As I aim for a more realistic writing style, my fic _will_ have such.
> 
> We are in the recovery portion of the fic (which actually started last chp *cough*) AND CLIMAX!!!! Shikamaru is so cute! ♥ Also, please note that Sakura is not a reliable narrator. We have more Genma/Tenzo/Kakashi interactions in the next chp! I'm so excited! 
> 
> I'm undecided if I want Sakura to learn the way of the sword or taijutsu or ninjutsu. So let me know what you think she should have!
> 
> P.S: Current score of Jiraiya the prank king vs Naruto the prank king: 1-0
> 
> Beta-ed by: [K.waifu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_waifu/pseuds/k_waifu) and [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Genma slips into Sensei’s apartment, deftly avoiding the traps that she had set up the night before as per his instructions. It was through this exercise that Sakura fully appreciated how much of a trap specialist that Naruto had been. She didn’t have the flair that Naruto did, though she did try memorising the traps they did in class and use the pointers Naruto gave her while in the Forest of the Dead.

“Five points for the two jounin level traps. I’ll give you a point for being able to anticipate what the intruder’s response would be. Minus two points for the academy level traps. Surely you’ve learnt how to make higher level wire traps from that teammate of yours?” Genma pokes at her wire trap and points at the trap by the window. “Minus three for the location. It’s not even disguised!”

The jounin traps weren’t even hers, Sakura thinks. How is she ever going to be a good kunoichi if she couldn’t even trap properly? Is there anything that she isn’t terrible at?

Sakura rolls her futon up, pushing it to the side. There was disappointment in his voice, and disappointment usually meant punishment. She folds her arms behind her back, trying to hide her trembling as he steps towards her. Genma raises his arm and she sucks in her breath, holding herself still. The punishment will be worse if she tries to fight back. Instead, Genma drops the takeout boxes in his hand on the table and hands her a bento box.

“So you only get one lap taken off your punishment laps. That brings it to seven punishment laps! Since you finished your conditioning eight minutes later yesterday.” He continues brightly. “Twenty-two laps in total when we get to the training ground. We’re going to a different training ground today.”

She's still getting food? Sakura stares at the box in disbelief. Papa usually doesn’t-

Sakura takes the seat across him, hands clenched around the box. Genma hands her a pair of chopsticks and opens his own.

“What is it?” He raises an eyebrow at her. “Hurry up and eat, we’re going to have to start meditation after this. And it’s _chakra_ meditation.” Genma chews a rolled egg and grins at her. “ _Chakra_ meditation is a _chuunin_ skill.”

 _Better eat faster before he changes his mind,_ Inner nags.

Sakura digs into her breakfast. If training is anything like yesterday, that means Genma is taking her seriously, right? She’s even getting training punishment, not the sort that Papa had given, but the sort she had seen Sensei give the boys. Genma hadn’t gone easy on her either, or at least it hadn’t felt that way. Realistically, he could have gone a lot harder on her. The senbon that she failed to dodge had only grazed her flesh, and honestly, they shouldn’t have been that difficult to dodge, especially when she could see him shooting them.

She shoves more rice into her mouth, sucking hard on the umeboshi. Genma shakes his head and sighs. “Eat more of your meat. You’re going to need the protein for all the new muscles you’re going to be developing.”

He adds a quarter of his grilled fish onto hers with a smile. “Do you like the umeboshi _that_ much?”

Sakura glances at her rice and quickly put her umeboshi back onto the rice. Was he upset that she liked the umeboshi more? Mama had gotten upset when she preferred the umeboshi over the other dishes. She hurriedly shoves more rice into her mouth just in case he decides to take it away.

“Slow down,” Genma says and puts his plum onto her rice. “I’ll make sure to get extra for you next time.”

Next time? There’ll be a next time? Sakura tries not to hope too much. Hoping makes the disappointment more bitter. She polishes off the last of her breakfast and disposes of the takeout boxes.

As Genma made a pot of green tea, he signs to her in Konoha Sign to clear the furniture. “How good is your KSL?” he asks, sipping on the tea as she drags the furniture to the side of the room.

“I... studied up to chuunin level. It was…” she replies, feeling her ears turn hot. “...fun.”

He pulls Sensei’s rickety chair to the centre of the now-empty living room and signals her to sit in front of him. “I’ll get you some jounin level ones if you like. Kakashi assigned some cryptology reading too.” Genma mumbles looking up from the sheet of paper that Sensei had written her schedule on. “They need clearance, so your sparring partner will be bringing them later.”

Sparring partner? Sakura perks up. Genma hadn’t managed to find a sparring partner for her yesterday, so he had made her run through her katas, shooting senbon at her when he found her form lacking.

“It’s okay if you can’t do it by the end of today’s session. That’s actually normal. Most chuunin takes about three or four sessions before they get it.” Genma smiles.

She crosses her legs like he tells her to, sitting in the lotus position the way Iruka-sensei had taught them in class. Before her nervousness can overwhelm her, he leans in, beginning the lesson.

“Now breathe in and hold it for four seconds.”

She follows his instructions, releasing and holding as he calls them out. She can feel her body loosening with each repetition, a warm heat circulating in her torso.

Oh that must be her chakra.

“Now move your chakra in a clockwise motion through your body.” He taps her left hand. “Follow my fingers.”

Sakura sinks into her chakra, cupping her tiny warm glow and trails it after Genma’s fingers. It’s hard at first. Her chakra is slightly obstinate, like a grumpy old woman and sluggish when it finally gives in. The second cycle isn’t much easier. By the third cycle, she’s doing it in the motion and wave that he had instructed her to perfectly.

“Bloody Sage,” Genma mutters. Sakura blinks blearily, refocusing on him. After staring inwards at her chakra for so long, it feels almost strange to be looking outwards again.

Genma chews on his senbon, his face scrunched up like he’s either about to cry or yell at her. She did something wrong again, hadn’t she? She looks down, trying to figure what went wrong.

He sighs. “Good job!” he says in a cheery voice. Sakura recognises the falseness in his tone, because Yuriko-obasama sounded like that often. He reaches over and for a brief moment, she panics. Yuriko-obasama always means the opposite when she speaks like that so, therefore, that tone is never a sign of a good thing. Sakura backs a bit, then regrets it immediately. Avoiding her punishments always means double-

No, wait. This is Genma, _not_ Yuriko-obasama.

She relaxes just a bit, and even slower than he had been moving just now, Genma reaches over and ruffles her hair. “I swear,” he says. The smile on his face is tinted with sadness. “You and Kakashi are so alike.”

Alike? She swallows hard. Sensei and her are _nothing_ alike. Sensei is strong and undefeated, while she is weak and useless.

“Chakra prodigies, both of you,” Genma sighs.

“Prodigies?” she squeaks.

“You just learnt how to do that in thirty minutes. Something that takes _chuunin_ three or four 5 hour sessions to do,” Genma tells her dryly. He claps her on the back with a bark of laugh. “Well! Now you get to do this by yourself for the next half hour. And while doing it faster than before!”

He pulls out a blue paperback titled ‘The Vampire’s Bride’ and cracks it open. He throws a beatific grin at her. “I’ll just be here finishing my book.”

✥.✥.✥

Her sparring partner is called Yamato, or so Genma and ‘Yamato’ have told her. Sometimes Genma calls him Tenzo, and sometimes ‘Yamato’ responds to it too. If she was cheeky like Naruto, she might have called him Tenzo instead of ‘Yamato’.

“Yamato is going to spar with you, and you’re going to do your best to keep up.”

Sakura nods, stiffly putting her arms out in a burning leaf starting stance. Sensing that she isn’t going to make the first move, Yamato launches towards her. She blocks the first blow, swiftly adjusting to the next stance, arms down. Shooting a handful of shurikens at him, she catches a foot in the ribs and skids backwards, falling onto her side.

The blow had taken the wind out of her lungs. Why is she so pathetic?

“Come on, Pinkie,” Genma says, prodding her with his crutch. “You can do better than that.”

She forces herself up, unwilling to disobey Genma’s orders. Papa was kind in the beginning, before she had become a bad girl. If she is a good girl, then Genma wouldn’t become like Papa.

Her ribs throb viciously and Yamato just stands there, hands by his side.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

 _You can do this,_ Inner says.

Sakura sucks in a breath.

 _Be like the wind, powerful. Be like the rock, unyielding. Be like the fire, domineering. Be like the water, flexible,_ Inner murmurs the line that Iruka-sensei liked to repeat during kata days.

She stands, taking the starting stance again. She blocks the first blow again, this time dampening her thoughts, letting her muscle memory work for her. Ducking, she sweeps at his feet. He jumps instead, swinging his own foot out at her. She raises a forearm and blocks it even as it sends her sliding across the ground. Yamato doesn’t pause for her to catch her breath this time, already rushing her with a fist ready. She flips back, narrowly missing his punch. Her palm twists on the ground as she swings her body away one more time.

Mimicking a move that she had seen Sensei do, Sakura throws a handful of soil at his face. Her legs catches him by the neck.

She’s got this!

Yamato tosses her and before she can slam into the tree, she replaces herself with a shuriken near him. Her fist is swinging up, clipping against his chin. She replaces herself again with another shuriken, this time deftly summoning two other bunshin. Considering Yamato is probably a jounin, it’s not likely that he’d fall for it, but he has _lowered_ his speed and strength to somewhat match hers.

If she can somehow be faster, punch harder.

She dodges his hoof kick, retaliating with another sweep which she misses. Her lungs are shuddering hard against her ribs.

_‘Have to be somehow faster…’_

If channelling her chakra in a particular way allowed her to lighten her weight, then would it increase her speed?

Sakura draws a kunai, deflecting his shuriken and returns shots with a rain of kunai. Yamato raises his hands to sign hand seals and a wall of earth rises, absorbing her kunai.

Lightening her weight required her to make her chakra thin and ‘light’ like air particles. What would speed feel like?

She digs her feet in, trying to block another punch. His kicks and punches are harder now, like he’s been steadily increasing his strength. Her feet drives grooves into the ground as she is sent skidding backwards. Her forearms stung from all the blows she had tried to block.

_‘Be like the wind, powerful. Be like the rock, unyielding… POWERFUL!’_

The answer had been staring in her face this whole time! If making herself lighter was making her chakra thin and light, then speeding it up would make her chakra move faster.  Sakura picks at her chakra while sidestepping Yamato’s kicks.

She catches his kunai with hers, metal grinding against metal for a brief moment before they leap apart. Her body is trembling from the short spar but, unsurprisingly, Yamato isn’t even panting. This time she doesn’t wait for him to attack. She jumps towards him, switching herself with a shuriken near him the moment he brings his arms up to guard. He catches her foot and she spins around, almost kicking him in the head had he not thrown her away. Sakura switches again. Twice in a row this time, just to make herself a little less predictable. And her chakra speeds up just in time to knee him in the balls, _hard._

Yamato gurgles and drops to his knees, clutching his groin.

“Oh my _sage_ ,” Genma giggles from the sidelines, clapping very enthusiastically. “That was such a fantastic job, Sakura!”

She did it! She managed to get her movements to speed up! Sakura glances at Genma and back to Yamato uneasily. What if they get angry at her? They said just normal sparring and they hadn’t scolded her for using kawarimi, so it should be alright, right?

Genma hobbles over to Yamato who is still lying crumpled on the ground and leans over with a sneer. “Looks like Tenzo- I mean Yamato- forgot his guard.”

“I didn’t think I’d need it,” Yamato wheezes.

“Yeah, a jounin getting kneed by a genin is hilarious,” Genma laughs and slings an arm over her. “10 points, Sakura! Perfect score! I wish I could’ve gotten a picture of that.”

Her muscles were quivering from the short spar. In spite of her getting him in the groin, Yamato isn’t even sweating. Will this be easier with all the muscle conditioning Genma has been putting her through?

Sakura can’t remember the last time she had even lasted throughout a prolonged spar with her teammates. Her stomach churns at the memory of The Last Uchiha and the sunny, blond haired boy.

What is she really here for anyways?

The shinobi guidebook stated that any team that is short of a teammate would be replaced, absorbed into another team or disbanded. Since she’s the last one, it’s unlikely that her teammates would be replaced. With the amount of workforce Konoha lost versus the number of missions they have to keep up in order to maintain status quo and her Sensei being the Copy Nin Kakashi, they wouldn’t just let him stick around to find new teammates. So she’d probably be absorbed into another team. But she hadn’t been approached by another team leader to join their team, and it wasn’t like she had anything special that people would pick her over another one of the now stranded ninja.

“I can’t believe everyone marked you down as a genjutsu specialist. Especially with how you managed to figure out how to enhance your speed mid-battle,” Genma says to her. “You’d be _completely_ wasted as a genjutsu specialist.”

“Not entirely,” Yamato grumbles. “And are you sure she figured it out herself?”

Sakura shrinks back at his words, staring intently at her feet. She can’t fault his disbelief, after all, Papa said she’s talentless and useless.

Genma ruffles her hair and slaps her on the back. “Tell me, Sakura. How did you work out the speed enhancement?”

“Uhm… I was thinking...” Sakura swallows hard and continues at Genma’s prompting. “That… the chakra weight trick required me to make my chakra thin and… airy… So… if I wanted… to increase speed… maybe I should make my chakra move faster.”

“Faster,” Yamato deadpans with an inscrutable look on his face when she flickers her eyes up. “How?”

“Cycling it faster?” she says, uncertain if he actually wanted an answer.

“Cycling it faster.” Yamato closes his eyes and breathes in deep. “I thought you only started teaching her chakra meditation today?”

“Yup! I did!” Genma replies in a bright, fakely cheery tone.

“And she managed to control the cycling of her chakra?”

“Yup! In three tries!”

“... In three tries…” Yamato palms his face with a groan. “...chakra prodigies…”

“Yup!” Genma grins with a half sob.

People are difficult to understand, Sakura realises. They don’t always show what they are feeling, or say what they really mean. A frown is usually indicative of unhappiness. Except, Genma ruffles her head again and awards her a stick of dango from a sealing scroll.

Contradictory.

✥.✥.✥

Kakashi slouches into Konoha, discreetly taking a deep breath. Finally, after two weeks, he’s back home. His shoulders slowly relax as he starts to leap across the rooftops. The anbu patrol signs for him to confirm his identity and he signs back his identification code.

Merely a month ago, this simple act of request and confirmation would have calmed him, a sign that he’s safe and there are other people to watch his back. But considering how nobody had caught on to Sakura’s abuse, he’s really not so sure how diligent they really are.

He passes the patrol and whistles for his pack to check on Sakura. At this time, Sakura should be putting in the required hours for her missions. Hopefully, Tenzo had been making sure she’s eating right or else he’ll need to recalculate her diet plans. He lands in front of the administration building and ambles in, cutting through the line of civilians trying to put in a mission request and down the hallway, into the mission submission room.

“Yo, Kakashi!” Genma hooks an arm around his neck as he leaves.

“Genma. What are you doing here?” He unseals his orange book and cracks it open to a well-worn page.

“Effects of child abuse,” Genma reads from the over his shoulder. “You know, you could just read the book without the Icha Icha sleeve, right?”

“And let the whole village know?”

Genma slaps a folder against his shoulder, after releasing him from his grip. Kakashi slows his steps enough for Genma to keep up with him.

“What is this?” There is a red sticker on the edge, a red sticker that Kakashi is very familiar with. It had been on his folder too for a long time, until recently when the psychiatrists declared him mentally stable, or as mentally stable as a shinobi could be.

“...Possible suicide attempt reported by Nara Shikamaru… _what._ ” Kakashi looks up, eye widening in shock. He thought she was depressed, but not to this level. He swallows the rising bile. Since they had caught this, that means there would be an assigned therapist and suicide watchers. He’ll need to arrange to meet up with them and discuss their plans. He flips through the pages, unable to find her watchers names. “Who are her watchers?”

Genma sneers. “No one. Genin Captain thought she was too low priority to bother having one. Raidou, Iruka and I have been watching her though. I’m no psychologist, but there’s a very distinct feel of self-deprecation from her.”

Kakashi sighs and kneads his nose bridge. “So what do you suggest?’

“ _You_ need to talk to her. Confirm where she stands- _explicitly_. She was sleeping on the trees when I went looking for her. She didn’t think that she was good enough to stay in your apartment. I’m guessing it has to do with Naruto being gone and the little brat of an Uchiha defecting.”

They walk in silence, taking the long road past the Hokage’s wing. A chuunin courier brushes past them with scrolls and folders stacked high in their arms, and even though there are shinobi hurrying in and out of the hallways, there is very little noise.

“I have half a mind to smack you, Kakashi.” Genma stops and stares at him, his face unusually solemn. “I’m not sure how you missed it, but Sakura... she has prodigious battle instincts.”

Kakashi nods. “I noticed, but-”

“On top of that, she has very, very, _very_ good chakra control.” Genma pokes in his chest hard. “I mean it. She’s probably as good as Tsunade-sama.”

“Are you serious?” It seemed ridiculous that Sakura’s potential had gone unnoticed in the academy in spite of being reviewed by both her homeroom teacher and the board of jounin advisors.

Genma grips his shoulder and presses his forehead against Kakashi’s vest. “Your little terror learn Chakra meditation within _three_ tries. _THREE!_ And then she proceeded to figure out speed enhancement in the middle of a spar based on a chakra weight theory.”

“Three tries?” Kakashi remembered it taking him at least five to seven attempts before getting it.

“Is that true?” Tsunade asks, stepping through a door.

“Hokage-sama!” They greet immediately.

“That ‘little terror’ you mentioned, is it true she got the chakra meditation down in three tries?”

Kakashi mentally curses. What was the chance of Tsunade being in the lower offices and overhearing Genma? This kind of chakra control would be highly sought after for medics. But Sakura wouldn’t want to be a medic. Kakashi remembers the Stairs and the stretcher in the basement. The chance of her having a fear of medics would be a lot higher than most shinobi.

“Y-yes, Hokage-sama!” Genma says, unable to retract his words. If he declines here, then Genma might be penalised for spreading false intel on a fellow shinobi. That kind of penalty is heavier than either of them can bear.

Tsunade hums. “Bring her to my office tomorrow. I want to see this.”

“With all due respect, Hokage-sama-” Kakashi starts but she waves dismissively at them.

“Tomorrow at nine a.m.”

“Yes… Hokage-sama…” Kakashi throws Genma a snide look and leaps out of the window.

✥.✥.✥

Sensei is in the apartment making dinner when she returns after her evening run. It’s hard not to expect him when Pakkun had been sitting on her shoulder throughout her entire mission. The pack trails in behind her, yapping loudly at Sensei. Noticing the tension in his shoulders, Sakura wonders if he’s finally going to throw her out of the apartment this time.

“Welcome home, Sakura-chan.” He curves an eye at her. “Pakkun, get off her shoulders. She hasn’t gotten up to wearing weights consistently yet.”

Pakkun grumbles loudly and leaps off her shoulder with a pout. She hides her shaking hands behind her back, straightening herself up as he gives her a once-over.

Motioning for her to take a seat, he lowers the heat on the stove and takes the opposite chair. “Sakura-chan, are you afraid of me?” Her traitorous mouth quivers and Sensei sighs. “Will you tell me the reason why?”

He tugs his mask down, his lips twisted in a frown. “I’m not going to be angry. I’d just like  for you to tell me why?”

 _Just tell him, you dumbass,_ Inner yells. _What’s he gonna do, kill you? Demote you? Newsflash, we’re rock bottom._

“I… I…” Sakura grips her fingers tightly, struggling to push her terror down. “I thought you’d be angry… that Sasuke-kun left. I… I couldn’t-”

Sensei snorts at her words. “Oh, I am angry-” He smiles and a chill runs down her spine. “I’m angry at him, not _you_.”

“But I couldn’t-”

Sensei shakes his head and cuts her off before she could tell him about how she failed to stop him. “Sakura-chan, from the very beginning, Sasuke had difficulties as a shinobi. I admit that I spent a lot of time on him. He was marked as a flight-risk and I was ordered to fix that.” He holds his hands out and shrugs. He stares down at his hands, and Sakura can’t help but think that Sensei must be remembering something.

“Honestly, I think the council couldn’t have put him on worse team than ours. But that’s on them and me. Naruto and you did your best. And still, he _chose_ to leave. I’m very proud of you for trying to stand up to him.”  

Sensei stands and ruffles her hair. Unlike Genma’s, Sensei’s ruffling is gentle and slow. “Even if you stop being my student, you can continue sleeping here. I’m not going to throw you out, okay?”

Just this once. She wants to trust him.

✥.✥.✥

Sparring with Sensei is a lot different from sparring with Yamato. Sensei likes to tap bruises where her guard is open, subtly correcting her stance as they go along. It’s easier in some ways and harder in others.

At the end of their sparring session, Sensei holds out a tanto.

“This is the tanto I used as a kid.” He unsheathes it. Swishing it about for a bit, Sensei then resheathes it and places it in her hands. “If you promise to work hard, I’ll teach you how to wield it.”

Sakura stares at the tanto, noticing the Hatake mon on the blade collar.  Was he really going to teach her?

 _Like he’s gonna teach you the Hatake katas,_ Inner points out.

She ignores Inner, clenching her fingers around the sheath. Sensei is going to teach her something. He’s going to teach her one of his specialities!

She throws herself forward, hugging his waist.

“There, there,” he says, patting her head awkwardly. She’s going to work so hard that he’ll have no reason to doubt her! He’s even giving her his old tanto too!

“Come on, Hokage-sama wants to see us.” He looks up at the sky, measuring the time like they’ve been taught at the academy. “Oh! And would you look at that! We’re two hours late!”

“Sensei!” She slings the tanto across her back and he flickers them right outside the Hokage office.

The secretary pursed her lips so tightly that it looked like a straight line. “Hatake-san! You’re two hours late!”

Sensei waves at the secretary, ushering Sakura into the room. He dodges the flying paperweight, letting it smash a hole through the waiting room wall.

“You’re late!” The Hokage yells, slamming her fist on the table. It’s the first time that Sakura has seen her. Considering her rank and station, it’s not surprising. The only other time low-ranked shinobi and civilians would see the Hokage would be at ceremonies and her coronation, none of which Sakura managed to make it for.

“There was a fish drowning by the road, so we had to help it.”

The Hokage sniffs and beckons for her to step forward. “This is the ‘ _little terror_ ’?”

Little terror? She stiffens, forcing her feet to not take a step back to lean into Sensei’s warmth.

“This is Haruno Sakura, Hokage-sama.” Sensei steps forward and pushes her forward with him, his hand a welcoming weight on her back. Had she done something wrong? Why did the Hokage want to see her?

“Here.” The Hokage brusquely thrusts out a sheet of paper with a seal on it. “Channel your chakra as far as you can go so it lights up completely” She demonstrates once and waves it for her to grab it.

Sakura takes the paper, fumbling with her numb fingers and channels it like the Hokage had instructed her to, cycling her chakra into the spiral. She lights up all the dots except for the last.

“Sage of the six paths…” The Hokage swears. She plucks the paper from Sakura’s fingers and channels it again, lighting all the dots except the last five. “99th percentile…”

The Hokage sinks into her chair, staring blankly at her. “I haven’t seen a 99% chakra control in a long time. My grandfather, the Shodaime, was the last one.” Leaning forward, the Hokage pushes a form towards her. “How would you like to be the Hokage’s apprentice?”

Sakura leans back into Sensei’s arm. Would Sensei be penalised if she refuses? Would she be penalised if she refuses? She’s heard of the chuunin in the Chuunin Corps being marked down when they refuse a mission, who’s to say she won’t?

“I’m one of the Sennin, wouldn’t you want to be an apprentice of one of the Sennin?” The Hokage presses, her hands lit up in a green glow and Sakura can’t look away, her body locking up in fear. She has to relax, can’t let Papa know she’s scared.

“I’ll teach you how to mend wounds in an instant and-”

If Papa knows she’s scared then the punishment will be longer. She needs to breath slow and steady.

“Hokage-sama,” Sensei injects, stepping in front of her, breaking her line-of-sight. She fists the back of his vest, fingers still trembling.

 _Breathe!_ Inner yells.

“With all due respect, like I was trying to tell you yesterday. Haruno Sakura is _my_ apprentice and will be _heir_ to _my_ skills.”

Heir? _Her?_

 _Did Kakashi smoke something before coming out?_ Inner asks.

“So you finally decided on one?” The Hokage says. “Don’t suppose I can persuade you into giving her to me?”

Sakura ducks out from behind him, the Hokage’s piercing brown eyes glaring at Sensei. What if the Hokage punishes Sensei? Why is Sensei going through all this trouble?

 _Or both of us,_ Inner adds.

She clasps her arms behind her back, trying to hide the trembling and Sensei sets his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it just a little.   

“She’s the last of my team. I have the first right to her,” Sensei replies, unfolding a few forms and handing to the Hokage.

The Hokage glances at her then at her tanto and heaves a sigh. “I suppose you’re committed… since you’ve given her the Hatake tanto.” She stamps the forms unhappily and pushes it back at Sensei. “Don’t forget to ask your clan head for permission to teach her the katas.”

Nodding curtly at the Hokage, he leads them out of the room and immediately leans against the wall, pressing his palm against his eyes. “I knew I forgot something…”

 _Will we be okay with him?_ Inner groans.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So... Kenjutsu definitely won, so here we are! KEN! Also notice Kakashi sneakily ensure that Sakura would stick with him. Next chp, we'll see more of Shikamaru next chp and some more letters from Naruto (probably). Ino and Chouji makes an appearance! \o/
> 
> By the way, in the previous chp remember Inner told Sakura how it's on her because she never sought for help? Please note that this is not true _at all_. At no point was Sakura at fault. This sort of thinking is typical of abused victims and it is her pov. 
> 
> Thank you for all your kind comments! ♥ You've no idea how much they mean to me. 
> 
> Beta-ed by: [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)  
> Re-Edited on 22 Feb 2019


	8. Chapter 8

Kakashi pauses just outside the Hatake Compound, the tall trees lining the inconspicuous walkway. In his memory, the compound had seemed been bigger. Or perhaps it was because he had been six then and it had been emptied out from the war.

He forces himself to take a step in and leaves sway in the breeze that seemed to push him forward. Leaves crunch beneath his sandals as he plods in, past an aging house. The house that Tsuri-Obaasan used to live in, where he and his other cousins stayed at when their parents were away. He continues further, past the large pine trees and stops just at the edge of the large bamboo forest.

The dark green tiles gleam in the early morning sun. The shoji, though yellow and faded in some parts, are not torn and tattered as he might have expected from a house abandoned for over a decade.

“Obasan looked after it,” Hisae says and he startles, half pulling a kunai out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up. You were staring at that for so long… I thought you wanted to know.”

Kakashi turns back to the house that was once his childhood home. The house that he lived in until Minato-sensei took him out.

“After…the whole…” She motions with her hands then folds her arms when he doesn’t respond. “Obasan… she felt bad that she hadn’t been able to support Sakumo-ojisan emotionally or physically.”

Minato-sensei had forced him to live with him when he was seven. The harassment that spiraled to his father’s suicide had largely been contributed to the fact that none of the active Hatake shinobi had been in the village and Karasuki-obasan…

Kakashi let Hisae steer him to the clan head’s home and tugged his sandals off. “Shitsurei shimasu…” he murmurs, stepping through the genkan. Shuffling through the shoji, he sits in front of Kurasuki-obasan.

“Hatake-sama,” he greets, bowing formally at her.

“It’s been a long time… Kakashi-kun,” Karasuki replies.

“Two decades,” Kakashi agrees and raises his head to stare at her. Her dark brown eyes bores into his as though trying to find his secrets. If she had stepped in when he was younger, then his father might be still alive. If she had stepped up to her responsibilities, then… Kakashi grips his thigh, using the pain to refocus his thoughts.

She sets her kiseru on an ashtray and sighs, “why have you come, after all these years of ignoring my summons? Or are you finally here to return to the Hatake Compound?”

“Obasan!” Hisae scolds, sloppily setting the tea in front of her.

Karasuki kneads her eyes. “If I had been stronger… or if…”

Now that he’s older, he could understand her position better. Obasan, then, had not only just lost her husband but her youngest son. It is hard to blame her for something that she couldn’t control, but it’s also hard not to blame her.

Not only had she lost her husband and youngest, his father had been her younger brother, Kakashi reminds himself.

“I forgive you…” he says quietly. All the anger in the world won’t change the past and if forgiving her would make her amicable to letting him teach Sakura then he would do it.

“Kakashi-kun… you can’t just...”

“I forgive you... if you would let me teach the Hatake Katas to my student,” he tells her and stiffens his shoulders refusing to back down from her stare.

She bursts out laughing and shakes her head at him. “Are you adopting her then?” She arches an eyebrow at him.

“If she wants,” he says. “But I am not making teaching her the Hatake Katas conditional to that.”

“So all in but name?” Karasuki sips her tea and gives him a lazy smile.

“And name too if she wants…” He shrugs.

Karasuki signals to Hisae who brings in a large book that thicker than his forearm. “And her name?” she asks, flipping through the book. She stops at a page, carefully inking the brush Hisae hands her.

“Haruno Sakura. Kanji for spring for her family name.”

“So from Sakura in Spring to Sakura fields, eh?” Karasuki smirks, deftly writing her name down on the adoptee page.

“Only if she wants…” Kakashi repeats.

“She’s learning the Hatake Katas. So as far as I‘m concerned, she’s a Hatake, whether she changes her name or not, that’s up to her,” she says and hands him a dark blue mask.

“Hatake-sama…” He eyes the mask that only full-fledged Hatakes receive.

“For her, when she masters the Katas. And that’s Obasan to you!”

“Understood… Karasuki-obasan.”

✥.✥.✥

_Hi Sakura!_

_We’re currently at_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _and_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _. There are_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _and_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _. Ero-sennin told me_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _,_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _. Ero-sennin is still isn’t teaching me much. He said_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _and I found out_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]**. _Said that it was_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED].**   **[REDACTED]** _he calls it. What kind of stupid name is that? I told him that_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _shove it up his ass._ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _doesn’t like him. But that doesn’t say much since_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _doesn’t like_ **[REDACTED]** _._

 _Anyway, then he puts me under the waterfall and tells me to ‘mediate’ for ‘chakra control’. I told him that you got all the chakra control covered for both of us but he said that’s not how it works. Then he said poor chakra control is like overcooking ramen or undercooking ramen! There wasn’t any way I was going to learn_ **[REDACTED]** _if I carried on this way._

_Sakuraaaaaa Why didn’t you tell me that!? All the time I could have cooked my ramen instantly instead of waiting for three minutes!_

There is a large ink blot again the middle of the letter.

_Ero-sennin said we can’t cook ramen instantly with chakra. He said it was a me-ta-for. I’m not sure what me-ta-for has to do with ramen or chakra._

_He’s been making me read a lot. To keep up with_ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _legend apparently._ **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]**. _We finished the Tale of Hononakagenji yesterday. I still think Genji is stupid. If he wanted the girl, why didn’t he just ask her out? Just like Ero-sennin does! Ero-sennin said that to make a girl fall in love with you, it takes more than just ‘asking her out’. He made fun of me talking about you all the time. He said if I want to make you fall in love with me, I gotta sharpen up and learn more kanji. EW! Sakura is like my BEST friend. Not someone to make kissy face like Genji did._

_I hope you are learning lots! Ero-sennin said that Kaka-sensei will look after you! He said that if you want to send a letter back, you can ask Kaka-sensei._

_Please send some blackmail material on Ero-sennin. This bullshit with_ **[REDACTED]** _and [_ **REDACTED]** _is annoying me. He hasn’t fallen for the wrong clone trick either._

 _\- The One and Only Uzumaki Naruto!  
But apparently also _**[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** _, so cool right?_

 

Sakura flattens the bile covered letter, holds it down with two kunai repurposed as paperweights then places it by the window to dry. Her lips tugging upwards in amusement. It was clear from Naruto’s letter that he still didn’t get the meaning of classified. Was the blacked out words done by Jiraiya himself or perhaps by T&I? Somehow she couldn’t imagine the delivery frog stopping by T&I just because it’s protocol.

Naruto always hated writing reports. He told her then, writing was difficult to him. He reached out, this is him reaching out right? She adjusts the kunais again to make sure it doesn’t fly and resumes her push ups.

If she finishes her exercises before Sensei arrives, maybe he’d be in a good enough mood to humor her letting borrow one of the ninken. She moves on to her side-squats, mentally tacking on going to the library as one of her future to-do list.

Sakura is just finishing her pull-ups when Sensei arrives. She straightens up, sensing something not quite right Sensei. Like papa on his bad days. Shoving the thoughts of asking Kakashi to borrow his ninken, she adjusts her posture to make sure it’s faultless.

He tosses her a bokken. The wood is heavy and smooth in her hands. An outline of the Hatake mon is carved on the handle.

The Hatake mon?

She rubs her thumb over it. If he’s giving her a bokken with the Hatake mon, then that means his clan head must have approved it.

 _What did Kakashi trade to teach us the Hatake katas?_ Inner mutters.

“Before you can use the tanto I gave you, we’re going to learn using the bokken. Now, try and copy my pose, okay?” Sensei tells her. His feet slides open, his arm raising his sheathed tanto. “Now the Hatake katas historically used a katana. Which is why the weight is different.”

He taps her back, hand pushing her shoulders down to align with her feet. “The Hatake katas are officially called Goraikou, which translated into modern Konoha dialect, means Sunrise from the mountain top or Rising Sun for short.” Sensei shows her the second pose and adjusts her pose again, circling her to ascertain her pose is correct. “In Goraikou, there are a lot of movements that require flexibility and jumping. You will leapfrog around the training ground for your evening runs instead.”

He taps her waist and Sakura lowers it until Sensei stops tapping. The muscles in her forearm are already protesting from the weight of the bokken. “There are a 128 forms in Goraikou. We will learn eight today.”

Her feet slides forward as she copies Sensei’s actions carefully, ingraining them into her mind. Goraikou has a certain form of grace that the Burning Leaf didn’t have. She’s not surprised though. The Shodaime and Uchiha Madara had crafted the Burning Leaf to suit most shinobi and to build a foundation that makes teamwork easier.

Her hand trembles when she swings the bokken and she catches the tensing of Sensei’s jaws. Did she make a mistake? Sakura forces elbows to stop shaking even though her shoulders are protesting. Schooling a shaky breath, she tries to ignore the beads of sweat trailing down her face and neck.

“That’s enough,” Sensei says. “We’re done for today.”

He turns and Sakura almost yells for him to come back. The memory of Papa turning away strikes her hard. “I… I can still continue,” she tells him. It’s not true and she knows that. Her book medical knowledge indicates that her muscles are better off stretched and relaxed to maintain optimal condition.

 _Don’t give up on me._ She doesn’t say. It’s too clingy, too needy.

Sensei points at Genma. “He’s going to get you started on the basic unsheathing practice. And keep practicing this forms I’ll-” He looks up, the hawk circling the training ground briefly lowers enough for Sakura to catch the command markings on it. “And I have a mission.”

He points at her, his eye crinkling up in that distinct manner of his. “Practice hard.” Sensei turns around and pats Genma’s shoulder hard then flickers away.

✥.✥.✥

_She is four, soon five in a week. Papa is sitting on the engawa, watching her play._

_“You’re so big now, soon you’ll be bigger.” He stands and motions her to join him. “I’ll teach you some katas now, so when you join the academy, you’ll be able to keep up.”_

_She studiously copies his movements, her tongue poking out on the side as she punches a fist like Papa. Papa stops and she drops her arms to the side, tilting her head at him. Her body is trembling from the effort to keep up with him. She drops to the ground panting._

_Being a shinobi is so hard!_

_“Not enough,” Papa says. “You’ll never be good enough…” he trails off, his eyes shuttering. He turns away. His back tall and straight, bigger than she remembers it to be._

_“Papa?”_

_He doesn’t look back._

Sakura sucks a breath in, hands fisting her blanket when she wakes. What if Sensei had traded something important to teach her Goraikou? What if Sensei thinks that what he traded in is more important than her?

She has to show Sensei that she’s worth teaching. Sensei hadn’t taught her anything until recently.

 _‘It would be stupid believe that Kakashi would just continue just because he said he would,’_ Inner sneers. _‘Nothing comes out of trusting people.’_

Picking up her bokken, Sakura heads to a training ground and practices her forms. She swings the bokken over and over again, raising it and turning it like Sensei showed her. Her hands chaff on the wooden handle, her muscles scream for her to stop but she hasn’t gotten them perfect. She have to get them perfect. He’s a busy shinobi, she needs to prove that she’s worth every bit of his time.

Her body trembles as the moon rises and the temperatures drops further. She can’t stop now. If she stops now, she’ll never catch up to Naruto or Sasuke.

_“You’ll never be good enough…”_

Sakura swings harder, throwing her muscles into each form. Faster, stronger, longer. She’ll prove she can do it. Impress Sensei so he-

“Sakura-chan?”

She whirls around, setting herself in the first stance of Goraikou. The tall male approaches her carefully and eventually close enough that her chakra-enhanced eyesight can identify the scar across his face.

“Raidou-san…? What are you doing here?”

He motions to her. “I should be asking you _that_ question. It’s two in the morning.” He claps a quick series of hand seals and his hands lights up enough for her to see without chakra enhancement. Raidou frowns, slipping the bokken out of her hand and turns her hands over.

“Oh Sakura-chan… Where is Kakashi?” He kneels, turning the light to inspect her hand.

“He’s… on a mission.”

“Then why are you practicing alone?”

She stares mutely at the ground. If she says anything she might make things worse for her. Raidou heaves a loud sigh and stands. Eyeing her shaking limbs, he lifts her up and sets her on his hip with practiced ease. “Come on, let’s go back home and I’ll help you wrap your hands.”

“Raidou-san!” She struggles, trying to free herself. “I can walk myself!”

“Uh huh.”

She ducks her head, embarrassed. She had never been carried like this before, but Ino’s mum had for Ino. Her hand curls around Raidou’s vest and she wishes she was smaller.  

Raidou doesn’t say anything the entire trip back and even after he slips into Sensei’s apartment and takes out Sensei’s med kit, he doesn’t say anything for the longest time. He gently disinfects her blisters and Sakura ignores the pain like Papa taught her.

“You understand that no one expects you to pick it up instantly, right?”

But if she doesn’t pick up quickly enough, wouldn’t Sensei drop her as a student? She clenches her jaw, not knowing how to voice her questions without making herself sound stupid. She’s already civilian born and useless, no need to add an extra mark against herself.

Raidou bandages her fingers then moves onto her palm. “Sakura-chan, I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?” He pauses and taps her shoulder. “Look at me Sakura-chan.”

Slowly, she tilts her head up. His dark brown eyes staring back earnestly at her. Raidou hasn’t lied to her so far. He hasn’t hurt her either. Sakura forces herself to meet his eyes head on, not drawing out Inner this time or faking a facade.  

“Are you listening to me?” he asks and she nods. Her hand is still in his larger one. The pose is awkward but the warmth of his hand is not. It grounds her and roots her.

Raidou cups the back of her neck. “No one - not me, not Genma, not Kakashi, not his landlord, not even the Hokage is going to take you away from Kakashi, from this apartment. No one is going to hurt you. You hear me?”

She swallows, her jaw working under the weight of his words, the weight of her needy thoughts.

“You heard me?” Raidou asks again.

She blinks backs her hot tears and nods. Sakura wants to trust him, want to believe in him.

 _And what if he breaks it?_ Inner asks.

 _‘Then I’ll try again,’_ Sakura thinks as Raidou pulls her into a tight hug. _‘I have to try at least.’_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry for long wait. I was really sick for 2 weeks and followed by a miserable 3rd week where I was better than the 2 weeks, but I had to suffer at work because I ran out of sick days. But yaaayy I made it... _finally_. I was originally to make this chp thicker. I had a lot of things planned for this chp. Due to various reasons, I liked the idea of the chp ending on a uptone than previously planned... *coughspoilerscough* As you can see, Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji didn't manage to make an appearance. I'm sorry. You'll see why I cut it off in chp 9. 
> 
> On the upside, Sakura made a breakthrough!!!! *waves happy flags* GO RAIDOU!! Anyone wants to guess what Jiraiya told Naruto that it had to be redacted?
> 
> Once again, thank you very much for your overwhelming response for the last chapters. ;_; I couldn't have completed this chp without all your enthusiastic comments. ♥♥
> 
> Also, if you have enjoyed this, do consider buying my a ko-fi through my tumblr: http://luna-orlha.tumblr.com/
> 
> _Words I left in Japanese:_  
>  Shitsurei shimasu - This is a word that Japanese use when entering a house. It quite literally means 'I'm going to be rude, please excuse me' and is a formal way of saying it.  
> Sennin - Yes, this is on purpose. I didn't mis-type Sannin. ~~Sennin means Legendary Ninja. Sannin means 3 ninjas.~~ I forgot my flights of thoughts are ridiculous. No, it means sage... And there's an actual reason why I said it means legendary, and unless I show how my thoughts worked it won't make sense. So let's just keep it as I wrote it on purpose. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chp was not beta-ed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I affectionately call this chp: One step forward, two steps back.  
> Kakashi might disagree with me.

Kakashi and his team slides through the window, kneeling a knee in front of Tsunade.

“Missions were completed as requested. There were no complications,” Kakashi reports.

The mission had been a cut and dry one.  Bandits with missing-nins were reported and his team had been overkill. Not that they were specifically sent out for these sort of missions, but with the injuries and deaths sustained during the Chuunin Exams, it had left a reduction of manpower. So teams were sent to do missions around the area as opposed to tailored for each mission.

Tsunade waves the mission scrolls away. “Submit them to the mission room when you’re done with the reports. Take three days off. Kakashi stay, the rest of you are dismissed.”

Sensing an incoming fight, Kakashi stands from his crouch, his hands almost automatically reaching for the orange paperback in his pouch. Perhaps this is the reason why the gate guards had redirected his team to the Hokage’s office instead. His fingers twitches and he stifles a sigh, digging his hands into his pockets instead.  

She looks at him from across the paperwork swamped desk. “Kakashi-kun,” she starts. Kakashi hasn’t been called that by anyone else besides Jiraiya for a long time and it almost startles him. Now belatedly remembering it, Tsunade had been one of his father’s friends. Friends that hadn’t been around when the going got rough. He hides his disdain behind the well-practised recalcitrant attitude.

“I see that Kurasuki has filed the adoptee forms for Sakura. I can approve it.” Tsunade slides the adoptee form across the table. “You can keep Sakura as your heir. I agree it’d be good to pass on all those ninjutsu that you’ve stolen over the years. But with that kind of chakra control, she not knowing healing techniques would be a waste. I want-”

“Sorry Hokage-sama, but no.” He straightens up from his habitual slouch and squares his shoulders.

“No? Which part of _order_ do you not recognise?” Tsunade raises an eyebrow. She clasps her hands together and leans forward. Kakashi knows a power move when he sees one. “You _will_ bring her here twice a week for lessons.”

“No. She will not be learning medical healing.”

“That is not a question, Hatake Kakashi!” She slams the table with her palm. A stack of her paperwork slides to the ground while the others merely dissolve into dishevelled piles.

“With all due respect, have you read her file?” Kakashi asks, stilling his limbs to her rising killer intent.

Tsunade scoffs, “of course I have. What kind of shishou-”

“Thoroughly,” Kakashi interrupts, raising an eyebrow back at her. “On the fifth section of her file, there should a note about her family. I’m assuming you didn’t read it.”

For all her supposedly eye for detail, it is quite obvious that Tsunade hadn’t read Sakura’s file thoroughly. But he really couldn’t blame her. If Kakashi has to be honest, he would have skipped that section too considering Sakura came from a civilian clan and her _father_ having no special techniques to his name. Any notes on her family would be moot. Kakashi mentally tries to clean the disgust that came with thinking of Haruno Kizashi.

Tsunade purses her lips and riffles through the sea of paperwork. Eventually, she pulls out the file from under a stack. “Fifth section you say?” she asks.

Kakashi nods. “It should be stated there that there is abuse from her family. We believe, based on the basement we found and Sakura’s reactions to it that her father, a medic-nin, had been testing… _torturing_ her with medical chakra.” He motions to her. “Based on her reaction to your green chakra the other day, that belief is a certainty now.”

“Reaction to my what…?” She pales, her finger flying across the page as she reads through it quickly. “...Oh.”

“...Yes. Therefore I respectfully decline my student from anything to do with medical chakra.”

Tsunade leans back and tugs a sake bottle out from a drawer.

In other situations, her careless show of medical chakra might have enticed another genin. He wasn’t going to disabuse himself that anyone would pick him over a legendary shinobi. Except her very careless move could have set Sakura back if Sakura had any less spine than she usually had. Already Sakura would be grappling with the issue of him not being around enough. The books mention, highlight and bold the words stability all of which the current economic situation of Konoha doesn’t allow him to offer her that. All he can do is give her what he can.

Shodaime’s balls. Kakashi mentally smacks himself. He should have summoned the pack to find her when he re-entered Konoha.

Tsunade shifts and stamps the adoptee paper. “...Fine. We’ll have to work on that. A shinobi with a fear of medical chakra would be difficult to treat in the field. “

“Eventually,” Kakashi concedes. While it is too early to talk about now, Tsunade did have a point.

“Take the week off. Train Sakura.”

He salutes, pressing his fist to his heart and flickers out into the corridor where he summons his pack.

“Boss,” the pack greets excitedly. Bisuke already bouncing back and forth before Kakashi could say anything.

“Check in on the pup?” Pakkun asks.

“Don’t sit on her shoulder,” Kakashi warns. “She’s not ready for weights yet.”

“We’ll help her train!” Bisuke barks, and leaps out of the window with the rest of the pack following, save for Pakkun.

“Boss?” Pakkun tilts his head at him.

“It’s nothing,” Kakashi says. He takes a deep sniff, trying to pick out Genma’s from the others.  Jumping out of the same window Bisuke had used, he bounces off the red roof tiles and onto a nearby building.

“Don’t pretend it’s nothing, when it’s something, Boss.” Pakkun points to a newly constructed apartment building. “And Genma’s this way.”

He leaps after Pakkun, steering around the crowds. “I’m worried that she’s not getting enough stability,” he admits eventually as he drops to the ground, slowly walking towards Genma’s scent.

“And you want to leave us behind with her instead?” Pakkun asks.

Kakashi rolls the idea in his head. It’s a good idea. The ninken can talk and provide a stable companionship for her. Dogs are known to have a therapeutic effect on people and they could even cuddle her at night. His pack had been very helpful after his father’s death. And maybe he could get her, her own ninken pack.

He’s kind of like her dad now, he realises. He feeds her, makes sure she has clothes and equipment, make sure someone is training (babysitting) her. Getting her to sign his own summoning scroll wouldn’t be much further from what he has been doing.

“Would you mind?” Kakashi stops and looks Pakkun in the eye. “Staying back, watching her… Helping her train her own ninken pack when I can’t be around?”

“You’re getting her to sign the scroll?”

“...Maybe. Probably... yes.”

Pakkun shakes his head. “About time. I’ll go and inform the elders. Pick out some possibly good personal summons for her along the way.”

“She hasn’t even agreed!” Kakashi splutters.

“If you think she’ll say no, I’ll have Bull sit on you.” Pakkun lifts a paw and disappears in a poof of smoke.

Kakashi sighs. He’s too used to his pack manoeuvring him around to even try a token protest anymore. Even if the rest of the pack think that Sakura wouldn’t say no, it wouldn’t be right to assume so. He would know. He has spent far too many years being moved around like a chess piece after Minato passed.

“Kakashi?” Genma squints at him when the door nearly hits him in the face. Genma’s cast has been downgraded to a splint since the last time Kakashi saw him. Has it already been two weeks? Even with assisted healing, there is no way his broken leg could have healed that fast in one week. No wait, he had been around for two weeks before leaving on a mission. So Genma had that cast for three weeks. All these non-stop missions are making him lose track of time.

“Yo.” He lazily lifts his hand to wave.

Genma sighs. “That’s all you’re going to say?” he grumbles and pushes past Kakashi. “Raidou’s inside, he’ll update you on what happened. I have to go. Sakura’s break is almost over.”

“On what happened?” Kakashi repeats. He steps into the cosy cafe and instantly spots Raidou nursing a cup of tea on the patio. “Raidou?” Kakashi slumps into the seat next to him, waving for a waiter.

“Kakashi. You’re back.”

Kakashi orders a cup of hojicha and a random donburi from the menu. Exhaustion sinks into him heavily. It had been an almost non-stop run from the border, filled with tasteless nutrition bars and soldier pills followed by taking Tsunade head to head. He can last just an hour more to get Raidou’s report on Sakura. Touch on anything that he needs to know before passing out on his bed.

Just an hour more.

Raidou stares at him, his finger tapping on the wooden table. They wait until the waiter returns with his order and he snaps open the chopsticks, digging into the gyudon.

Raidou scratches a wood knot, a deep crease set between his eyebrows. “She tried to train herself into exhaustion, you know?” he says as Kakashi sets his chopsticks on the now empty bowl.

Why would she do that? Did something happen? Was it because of Tsunade?

Kakashi purses his lips, mentally reviewing all her interactions she had while he had been around. Or had it been something that she encounter when he wasn’t around? If only she was more battle-ready...

“You don’t get it, do you?” Raidou says, his lips twisted, mocking Kakashi. Raidou empties his cup and holds it up for the waiter to refill. “Sage help the socially awkward shinobi,” he murmurs, almost too quiet for Kakashi to pick up even with his extra sharp senses.

Raidou runs his thumb over the rim, emotions flickering across his face too fast for Kakashi to decipher without a sharingan. “I found her practising her kenjutsu katas at 2 a.m. Her hands blistering and completely scraped raw from the length she had been practising. If it weren’t for the fact that it had been my turn to watch over her, maybe Genma wouldn’t have found her until the next morning.” He lifts his eyes to meet Kakashi’s. “This, Kakashi, was directly caused by you.”

Raidou’s words knocks him still for a brief instant. That the enemy, the event, which caused his student to go down such a road is actually him, floors Kakashi.

“How?” Kakashi rasps.

“Sakura-chan… she doesn’t get people like Genma or me. She’s like you, but she’s been hurt. How do you think she’d perceive your actions if you turned away and said ‘that’s enough’? How do you think _you_ would take it if _Minato_ had done exactly that?”

Raidou grimaces as Kakashi mentally rears back. The image of Minato’s back as he tells Kakashi to stay here, to let them handle it.

To not be wanted.

To leave and come back in a box.

Kakashi grips his pants, sickened by the accidental brush-off he had given Sakura.

“You made a mistake, and that’s okay,” Raidou tells him gently. “You need to be more vocal with your decision process making. She needs to know why you do this. Whether it’s good or bad, you need to tell her that. What she’s doing right, what she’s doing wrong, why you think it’s enough practice.”

Raidou sets his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder, squeezing it. “She needs to fully be able to trust you, Kakashi. Not just the trust you not to stab her in the back. She needs to know that you’re not going to drop her just because she’s not performing. Or trust that you’d tell her honestly if she’s good or bad. Do you understand?”

Kakashi nods, swallowing hard. Sage, he fucked up again. How many times is he going to fuck up because he loses her?

“I was… I was-” He clears his throat, his neck so tense that he can barely get the words out. “I was thinking of leaving the pack behind. The dogs… They’d be a stable form of companionship and… if we get her chakra capacity up, I was thinking of letting her sign my dog summoning scroll.”

Raidou sips his newly refilled tea. “I think that’s a very good idea.”

Kakashi relaxes into his seat, relieved. He will this right.

✥.✥.✥

Sakura sits up from her pile of ninken as Shikamaru yawns loudly, slouching into the training ground.

“Shikamaru!”

“... Yo.” He slumps beside her. “I’ve come… as promised.”

“Genma-san! Shikamaru came!” She jumps up excitedly, Bisuke grumbling as he tumbles off her.

“It’s too early to be this excited,” Shikamaru whines but gets up when Genma motions to him.

“It’s always too early to do anything for you,” she smirks at him.

He yawns again, barely covering his mouth this time. “That is true.”

“No kenjutsu today in that case. Taijutsu and basic jutsu only,” Genma tells them. He slides down the truck on the tree, right in the middle of the lazing ninken pack and rearranges his leg. Yamato hops onto a branch to watch.

They bow at each other then slide into the starting pose. She eyes him, her fingers twitching. Genma said that knowing is half the battle. She knows Naras are predeposited to be nocturnal, that means Shikamaru is likely to be sluggish. She knows her hesitation has been filed away by Shikamaru but whether or not he would use it against her, she doesn’t know.

“Look lively, Nara!” Genma hollers and as though triggered by his words, Sakura leaps forward. Her chakra circulating in her body to make it dense even before she makes contact. Shikamaru dodges barely, the earth cracking under her heel.  

His eyes widen and she barely suppresses the twitch on her lips. Chakra enhancement, after all, is up her alley after fiddling the different speeds and styles. Genma said to embrace it and there was nothing more terrifying than an opponent that cracked earth. She spins around, her foot hitting air as Shikamaru immediately drops to the ground and rolls.

Sakura pauses, seeing the wild-eyed look on Shikamaru’s face as he springs from her, circling. Shikamaru’s shadow clump and lash out in spikes, taking advantage of her hesitation.

It’s a fight. She shouldn’t have worried about scaring Shikamaru too badly. His spars with Ino would more likely have been worse.

She jumps backwards away, her fingers flashing out in a quick pattern. Shikamaru wouldn’t know of this jutsu yet but he could guess. Seeing her handseals, Shikamaru throws himself into the shrubbery barely dodging the water bullet.

“You know D rank jutsus _too?_ ” Shikamaru grumbles, sounding almost bored. “Troublesome.”

She can’t tell what frustrates her even more. That it feels like she’s barely putting up a fight or that he’s _bored._

Sakura drags her foot in a circle, kicking up dust into the air and hiding her actions. She hasn’t completely mastered this move and Genma _did_ say basic jutsu, but he hadn’t stopped her from using the water bullet. And she really, _really_ wants to impress Shikamaru.

She’s not the deadbeat Sakura she was during the Chuunin Exams anymore. She’s better than that. Genma and the pack are watching her from the trees.

_She wants them to know she’s worth it._

Banking on the fact that she had Shikamaru has never shown any tendency of being a chakra sensor, she quickly forms an earth clone. Her clone jumps forward, pulling out a kunai.

 _Shannaro!_ Inner yells as her chakra circulates faster, sinking herself deep into the earth before Shikamaru can see.

Shikamaru bends back, trying to catch her in a shadow only to realise that it’s a clone. He draws his kunai, deflecting her clones attack with an ease that spoke of practice. He forms a clone as well, manoeuvring them out into the open area. Sakura lurks beneath, waiting for her clones to herd him into her zone. His clone kicks at her clones head and he slams his fist into her stomach, dissipating her clone.

_Just one metre more._

He sidesteps another kick, shadows lashing out to grab her. Only to realise that it’s another clone. “I give,” Shikamaru lets out a huff and slides to the ground.

Sakura half emerges from the ground with a pout and a laugh, a sensation that she’d forgotten. Light, bubbly, like she could fly. He had been close enough that she almost could have grabbed his ankles and dragged him down.

“What…!?” Shikamaru whines. “You know hiding like a mole _too._ ” He flops to the ground, raising two fingers and catches hers in a seal of reconciliation before she can second-guess herself.

“You need to train more,” Genma says to him. Shikamaru says nothing. Genma taps her foot. “Give me stance seven to nine.”

Sakura shifts from Shikamaru, her feet sliding apart. She leaps, knees flying upward then hooking them in mid-air. She spins, a hand reaching out to spring off the ground.

“Stop,” Genma calls out and she lands on her knees, blinking at him. “See here, when you transition from seven to eight, you jumped too high. So your landing for eight to nine is awkward. Lower. One more time.”

Genma can be a hard taskmaster at times, making her repeat her motions until he’s pleased. And even she can tell that there’s always a difference when Sakura compares the motions before and after. There’s nothing to guess with Genma and Raidou.

She repeats her motions a few more times before he motions to Shikamaru to get into a sparring stance. Shikamaru had come as promised. From her past interactions with him, Sakura knew that to make him go through the trouble of exercise was no small feat. Yet he had come

 _And without you asking again,_ Inner adds.

Her lips surge upwards even as Shikamaru stands with the word ‘troublesome’ out of his mouth.

✥.✥.✥

 “If this is what you do every day,” Shikamaru pants when Genma finally calls to stop. “... you’re going to be terrifying.” He peels his face off the ground and takes a shaky breath.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Genma grins at him and hooks an arm around Shikamaru, pointing at her. “Sakura-chan already _is_ terrifying.” He drags Shikamaru to her and ruffles her hair.

“I have to go for a meeting, so take your lunch break now and…” He eyes the position of the sun. Sakura wonders if she’ll ever be able to tell time the way Genma and Sensei does. She eyes the sun as well, trying to figure out the present time without looking at her own genin assigned watch. “Say we’ll here at one-thirty instead? And then continue with chakra practice.”

_One-thirty? It’s currently eleven, so that’s a whole hour and a half._

She sneaks a look at her watch and feels disappointed that the hands indicated ten-fifty instead. “Take a long lunch break with Nara.” Genma ruffles her hair one more time and releases Shikamaru with a shove then disappears with a swirl of leaves.

Shikamaru huffs, turning away to the main street. Sakura slides her bokken on her back and unsure if she should follow him. Kids don’t necessarily follow the teacher’s instructions…

 _‘Sage! Just follow after him!’_ Inner yells.

“Sakura?” She jumps at Shikamaru’s voice. “Are you coming?” he calls out from over his shoulder.

“Y-yes!” Sakura hurries after him, letting her body relax at his slow amble down the training grounds road and onto the main street. Even in the academy, Shikamaru never pressured her into anything. She remembered his frown and curious eyes when she stopped being friends with Ino, but he never said anything. He isn’t obligated to be nice to her, or is he?

Her eyes slide onto a familiar white circle on a red shirt, the sales assistant hurrying down the street with his goods.

 _‘Oh no,’_ Sakura thinks.

 _‘Oh no,’_ Inner says.

She hasn’t told Yuriko-obasama about Papa and Mama’s death. Hadn’t informed them of the funeral. Sakura imagines, remembers the way Yuriko-obasama’s blue eyes always looked at her.

_“Disgrace,” Yuriko-obasama spits._

A sharp jab in her ribs startles her out of her musings. “Ow!” She yelps, rubbing the spot where Shikamaru’s bony elbow had struck. “What was that for?”

“You were thinking of troublesome things,” he replies laconically.

Sakura rubs the spot furious, unable to stop the rising blush. “I- I was not! And that hurt-”

“Yes, yes.” He turns, stepping through the restaurant’s noren.

“Yakiniku again?” Sakura says, following him to the very same table they sat almost a month ago. That moment of weakness, that moment of _almost._ She clenches her jaw, staring down at the menu, trying not to feel like she doesn’t belong.

No one is going to take her away, force her away. No one is going to hurt her.

She holds the words to her chest like it would actually protect her. Deep inside, she knows it won’t and Inner agrees.  

Shikamaru systematically lines the meat up on the grill, flipping them with practice. “So, I was thinking,” he says with a large yawn. “That move you did with the dust was really good, but it would have been better if you had gone ahead with the hiding like a mole then made a clone from beneath and resurface somewhere else. This would give you more of a surprise factor.”

She nods, shoving a mouthful of rice, followed by a piece of meat Shikamaru just put on her plate. He adds more meat on the grill and scratches his cheek.

“Is... Hatake teaching you kenjutsu too?” he asks after a moment.

The thought of whether he thinks that she’s not worthy of it rises before she can stamp it down. “Yes,” she says, sticking her chin up, belying the churning in her stomach.

“How far are you?” Shikamaru leans on his palm with a wry smirk. “I remember reading that Hatake katas are _very_ difficult. It takes an average Hatake roughly four years to be ‘acceptable’ in it.”

He picks off freshly cooked meat and stacks it on her plate before adding some vegetables to the grill.

“That said, their definition of ‘acceptable’ is very different from the Konoha standard.”

 _Is he trying to warn her off or…?_ She chews the beef, thoughtfully. “How would you-”

“My second cousin married a Hatake. It was all so troublesome,” he sighs. “I think Hanaru, her kid, never got the stamp of approval to use the Hatake kenjutsu in the field.”

“I don’t understand?”

Shikamaru motions her hand with the backend of his chopsticks and she opens her hand, turning it over.

“My hand?”  The almost healed blisters are stark on her skin.

“Either you’re trying to prove something, or you’re trying to prove to someone.” He pops a meat into his mouth. “It’s hard and difficult. But you’ll get there.”

“More like get _out,_ ” Ino sneers.

“Chouji, Ino. What are you two doing here?” Shikamaru asks.

“It’s lunch!” Chouji says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Hi Sakura-chan!” he greets before waving a waitress down to add to the order and slides next to Shikamaru.

“Yes,” Ino says coldly. “And _you_ are at _our_ table. What are you even doing here?”

Sakura hasn’t seen Ino once since the Chuunin Exams test, not since they fought.

_“Abomination.”_

She hides her trembling hands under the hem of her shirt.

No one is going to take her away, force her away. No one is going to hurt her.

She’s not afraid of what Ino thinks. Ino might have been important to her when she was younger, but not anymore.

 _‘Keep thinking that,_ ’ Inner jeers. _‘Little Mama’s girl. Weren’t you? You stopped being friends but you never stopped wanting to return.’_

“ _Sit down_ , Ino.” Shikamaru sits up a little more, glancing at her then back at Ino. “You’re the one who interrupted us. I should be the one asking what are _you_ doing here.”

Ino sniffs, crossing her arms. “This is _our_ team table. Not _hers.”_

Ino is right. She’s not Team Ten. What is she even doing here? Pretending that she has friends? Unable to stop the flinch, Sakura edges out of the booth seat. “I… I have to go…” Ino backs from her, but before Sakura can even take a step, her body is paralyzed by a shadow snaking out from under the table.

“Ino. Apologise to her,” Shikamaru says.

“ME!? Apologise!?” Ino turns red, hands fisting on her sides. “I did nothing wrong.”

Chouji frowns at Ino.  “You were rude to her,” he chides.

“Of course.” Ino shakes her head and points at Sakura. “You two didn’t see what was in her head. She’s a _monster!_ ”

“What?” Sakura hears Chouji and Shikamaru say, but the blood in her ears pulses too loudly to make out the rest of their voices.

_“Monster.”_

The shadow around her feet loosens and she leaps out of the booth, channelling her chakra to speed out of the restaurant.

“Sakura!” She barely hears Shikamaru calls out from above the din in her head.

_“Monster.”_

_“Abomination.”_

_“Disgrace.”_

She runs and runs. Her body shaking and trembling as she stops. Where she stops, she doesn’t know. The trees seem to envelop her, there is the sound of a lone black bird caws somewhere. The silence should comfort her.

It doesn’t.

There is a fist of searing panic punching through her. A fear looping through her mind. That she doesn’t belong, that she’s doesn’t deserve to live. The Yamanakas will come for her and they’ll know what she did. How she stole their mind jutsu. Know that her mind splintered. That she’s not _right_ inside _._

_“Monster.”_

Her knees collapse under her and she presses her forehead on the wet earth, fingers clawing into her skin until there is a burst of pain and the smell of blood. Her throat heave, muscling for air. The pain on her arms seems anchor her.

She is here.

Someone see her, please. She is here.

She digs into her flesh, jarring the thoughts out of her head, trying to drown the words reiterating her in her mind. She can’t even save herself. Can’t even-

Someone wrenches her fingers from her arms, shaking her shoulders hard. She blinks at the man. His silver hair hazily coming into focus through her tears. “Se… nsei?”

Sensei picks her and carries her to a nearby stream. He wipes at her claw marks.

He must hate her now. Be disgusted with her.

_“Disgrace.”_

“I’m sorry,” Sakura whispers.

“It’s okay.” He says, in a voice too tense to be normal.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats, hot tears clogging her vision again.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I... I...”

 _“Don’t.”_ His voice ragged and harsh. “Don’t listen to Yamanaka. You're not a freak or a monster.” Sakura realises that Sensei’s hands are shaking as he dabs the antiseptic lotion on her arms.

"Don't apologize for wanting to feel something, just don't do it again."

She presses her chin against her chest, almost swallowing her traitorous words. She needs to tell someone, she _needs_ to tell Sensei. She’s not right inside.

"But she's right," Sakura says quietly before she can doubt herself.

“She’s not,” Kakashi replies. “You’re Sakura who tries too hard and too much. And worries me too much. Ino is half the kunoichi you are. She is _not_ right about _anything_.”

“But she-” Sakura closes her eyes and schools a breath. “But I have another Sakura in my mind.” She bursts out laughing. “I'm crazy! A freak!"

“I’ve seen crazy and freaks, together and separately. Trust me when I say you’re not.” Sensei rolls the bandage on her arms, tying it neatly. “You have a strong inner voice and it's one of the things that makes you a strong person and a strong ninja.”

She clenches her fist, not allowing herself to hide away. She promised herself she’ll try. She have to reach out like they did.  

Sensei sets his hand on her head. “If you're so insistent that there's something wrong with you then why don't we get a Yamanaka to look at you?”

“What if… what if they…”

“Don't worry, you're my student regardless of what happens.” His eye crinkles up in that familiar and comforting way. “Though, considering I went up against the Hokage to make sure you stayed as my student, anyone who wants to take you from me will have to be stronger than the Hokage, ne?”

✥.✥.✥

Kakashi waits for Sakura to fall asleep before he leaves. He hadn’t seen the full scene to be certain of what happened. He has, however, seen the fallout and has heard the story from Chouji and Shikamaru. It’s a pity his ninken hadn’t stayed with her, at least they could have bitten Ino. And regardless of what Sakura had done, Ino had no right to say those things to her.

The label ‘monster’ are people who masquerade as humans, who experiments on babies, who kills their whole clans.

Sakura isn’t any of that.

The punch Shikamaru had given Ino wasn’t enough. The large purpling bruise on her face would never be enough. Not when he had seen the effects on his student. Kakashi had never been the vindictive sort of shinobi, which is one of the reasons why he have so much power and sway.

Well, at least not until today.

He lands on the back porch of the Yamanaka clan head and signals with his chakra, content to wait out the clan head. Sakura had been coming out of her shell, she had appeared to be happier. Now all that’s trashed due to some poorly thought out taunts of an equally poorly trained kunoichi. He’s not going to settle for anything less than an equal punishment to Sakura’s emotional pain.

 _‘Two steps forward and one step back,’_ Kakashi thinks of Minato-sensei’s favourite phrase.

It’s only a minute later that Inoichi steps out, looking tired and dressed in his T&I uniform. A power move, Kakashi notes.

Inoichi takes a seat on the outdoor bench. “Hatake-san.”

“Yamanaka-san,” Kakashi inclines his head to the clan head.

“I’m guessing you’re here for the same reason why Shikamaru-kun punched Ino?” Inoichi sighs, trying but failing to keep the scowl off his face.

Kakashi raises a sardonic eyebrow at him. “You are going to do something about Ino,” Kakashi tells him.

“Am I?” Inoichi asks, his voice dark with warning.

Under normal circumstances, Kakashi would have shied away from aggravating the head of T&I. Nothing good ever comes out of pissing off the person who could bench him. He’s full of contradictory behaviour today, isn’t he?

“Yes, you are. Ino's actions to an ally were unbecoming of a kunoichi.”

Inoichi hums. “And _what_ should I do?”

The calm, emotionless facade Inoichi has irritates Kakashi. He’s seen Inoichi use it on his victims but never on him. Because he’s never spoken to Inoichi more than he needed to, a small voice on the back of his head points out.

"You should take responsibility for the actions of your child- as you would expect of any other member of Konoha's forces," says Kakashi, a bit too forcefully. He slipping in the little power play that he has inevitably set himself up for.

Inoichi shrugs. “I admit that Ino shouldn’t have said that.” He leans forward, interlocking his fingers and leans on his hand. “But if Sakura can’t handle people calling her a monster, then she will never be able to rise beyond a genin.”

“Watch what you are implying, Yamanaka-san.”

Inoichi chuckles. “Implying? Hatake-kun. I’m not _implying_ anything. This is the truth. How many people sneer and swear at you when you do missions? Monster is going to be one of the many things that Sakura-chan can be called.” He shifts, reclining against the backrest.

“If Sakura-chan can’t handle it-”

“Are you saying she’s inept as a shinobi?”

Inoichi looks coolly at Kakashi. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I didn’t say that.”

“You called her that all but using that word.” Kakashi bristles. No one gets to call Sakura inept. She tries so hard, bore so much pain. _No one!_ Kakashi grits his teeth, forcing the wave of anger down.

“Maybe I should be calling you inept instead. After all, you’re the famed T&I interrogator, head of T&I. Able to tear secrets from our enemies and traitors,” he says in a mocking tone.

Inoichi raises an eyebrow and Kakashi continues. “All that… and couldn’t even tell that the best friend of his daughter was being abused and tortured by her father throughout all those years.”

Inoichi wouldn’t believe it, but Kakashi has no reason to lie.

“Or that the daughter he trained to take over him was equally inept.” Kakashi pauses and looks at Inoichi. “Wonder what people will think when they find that out,” he says, dark and gravelly.

Inoichi glares at him. Then sags and says nothing. His adam’s apple bobs on his throat as Inoichi opens and closes his mouth because there aren’t any words that he can say. Kakashi knows how finding out about Sakura’s torture might feel. Like a punch to the gut and he had only been her teacher for less than a year. Inoichi had a decade.

“I didn’t-” Inoichi starts and runs a hand down his face. “But how? He… You have no reason to lie. Not when I can easily check against her records.”

“It’s too late to apologise to her. Almost a decade too late.” Kakashi levels Inoichi a look. “But because of what Ino said, Sakura thinks that there’s something seriously wrong with her mind…”

Inoichi subtly balks. The magnitude of Ino’s words are not lost on Inoichi. “I will take a look at her mind, if she wants… And get Ino to apologise,” Inoichi offers. A peace offering that’s far too little.

“I don’t want Ino to apologise if she doesn’t mean it.” Kakashi straightens up, his teeth almost in a snarl.

“Don’t forget. I _can_ get poor little Ino-chan barred from the Chuunin Exams for five years,” Kakashi sings and flickers back to his apartment. He damn well will if it means getting revenge. Ino made her bed, so she will just have to learn to sleep in it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this was a long wait again. But as you can see from the word count, it was quite a monster to write. (I might have been momentarily suckered into Cells at Work) Ok, so I said _15_ chapters. I planned to write a mini sequel to follow up on the Haruno drama. SURPRISE! Guess what? It's not going to be a mini sequel anymore. I had my worries that the Haruno drama would overshadow Sakura's recovery... but ehhhhh.... you'll see, you'll see.
> 
> SAKURA IS WORKING THROUGH HER ISSUES, OKAY??? 
> 
> Small itty-bitty steps. Even though it's really frustrating watching her fallback and have her panic attacks, I think part of ESR's appeal is the process of it, don't you agree? The whole development process of her getting there...... eventually... If you compare Sakura from chp 9 to chp 1, there's actually a difference. Same for Kakashi. Kakashi just realises he's a dad now! Dad Kakashi. XD It's... rather subtle, I think. She's more openly honest, doesn't pretend to be cheerful. _Stuff._
> 
> Hope you liked this chp! Tell me if you do or don't :)
> 
> Thank you very much for all your comments last chp and all of you who has been following this awhile! ♥ Sorry it's taking so dumb long.
> 
> Beta-ed by: [Mook_aron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mook_aron)


	10. Chapter 10

Kakashi hefts the groceries onto his hip, running through his schedule for today. In spite of the panic attack that had been triggered by Ino, Sakura have been improving quite well. He tacks on teaching the next set of Goraikou and now with her improved diet and weight gain, he could consider teaching her new taijutsu style. It’s a pity Jiraiya took Naruto out of the village or he could pit both of them against each other. While Kakashi understands the reasoning behind it, there had been so much sabotage in Naruto’s education that he had to work from the ground up, and doing that outside the village resources would only be a lot harder.

He mentally flips through the styles he knows and is so engrossed in it that he only manages to stop himself just in time before the door hits him on the face.

Iruka blinks at him. “Kakashi-san?”

Kakashi waves at him as Iruka steps out of the stationery store. If he remembers correctly, Iruka also volunteered to watch Sakura when he was away. “I never got around to apologise for things I said the last time…” Kakashi says. He’s really not apologetic at all. Iruka should have known or noticed but he hadn’t. He is, however, sorry for the way he said it.

Iruka shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. You were right.”

The two adults shift awkwardly on their feet and Iruka clears his throat. “Naruto overheard the conversation. Apparently, he was the only one who noticed Sakura’s problems and he decided that fixing the problem just needed ramen,” he chuckles weakly. An unbearable helpless feeling whelms at the back of his throat. A ten year old boy saw what all the other chuunin and jounin missed is a terrible joke. Neither of them could fault Naruto for not flagging it up to an adult.

Kakashi swallowed, feeling the weight of regret sink heavier on him. If only he had been able to adopt Naruto, if only he had been more mentally stable to fight harder for Naruto. Now the only thing he can do is be better for Sakura. ‘Remember the past, but don't let it drag you down,’ he reminds himself. How ironic that the words he memorised to tell Sakura are so appropriate for him now.

“Thank you for watching Sakura-Chan while I was away,” he says.

Iruka smiles tightly. “Was the only thing I could to do to make up.” He waves the little bag of paper. “Well, it was good seeing you.”

Kakashi nodded, watching Iruka take to the roofs and shifts the bag of groceries. His eye slides from the stationery store to the store next to it and he stops. That's right, Sakura is still sleeping in his living room. That's no way for someone to live.

He pushes open the door, the receptionist rising with a greeting.

“I'd like to see the floor plans for any three or four rooms apartments without stairs.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura sets the newly sharpened kunai down with the others and picks up another, running the kunai across the whetstone.

Her muscles burned in a pleasant way after her morning conditioning. Genma said that they would be upping her conditioning exercises soon. Rock Lee, according to Shikamaru, could run almost a hundred laps around the village with weights. She’ll get there one day, already she can run ten laps around the village. Just a month ago, she could barely run one. Just a month ago, she only had herself… and Inner.

She wipes the kunai clean and checks the edge of the blade like Iruka had taught them in class before stacking it with the sharpened kunai. Picking up another, she presses it down hard on the stone, trying to stop her thoughts from rampaging.

Sensei said there was nothing wrong with her. She has to trust him.

“There won’t be any metal left when you’re done sharpening that kunai,” Sensei says as he squats in front of her.

She freezes, a blush rising across her face. “You’re late, Sensei.”

“Maa…” he trails off and scratches his sideburns sheepishly. “We’re stopping practice today. We’re going to be doing something different!”

He stands, Sakura stows her kunais into her pouch and runs after him. “Sensei? Where are we going?”

“We are going to look for a new apartment. Can’t have you sleeping in my living room all the time, can we?” He crinkles an eye at her.

A new apartment? Her stomach sinks.

 _‘So like, getting kicked out?’_ Inner says.

She can’t be _that_ surprised. A month is a long time to put up with her. Sensei is an adult man, after all. Sensei would want privacy to do things like what Suzume-sensei taught them in Kunoichi class.

She follows him to a fairly nice and expensive district. Tobirama District had just recently been rebuilt since the reconstruction of essential buildings along with the civilian districts had finally been completed.

Could she even afford to pay rent to a place here? Sakura inches closer to Sensei, fisting her hand so she doesn’t grab onto his vest. She’s a grownup kunoichi, she has to stop depending on people. She slackens her pace, dropping two steps behind Sensei, but Sensei places a hand on her back, pushing her to walk beside him.

“I picked out a few nice options. This one is close to the training grounds and mission room,” Sensei tells her as they climb and stop on the second floor.

There are three rooms in the apartment, what was she going to do with _three?_ And the wood, Sakura couldn’t even pick out issues with the wood, except it’s _expensive_ wood. All the time spent helping the Haruno warehouse have taught her how to differentiate wood grades. There is no way she could afford this. Shouldn’t the apartments near the Red Lantern District be more affordable? Or even the one near the old Uchiha District?

“Sensei…?” She slides her sandals off, trying to figure out how to tell Sensei no.

Sensei hums in response as he peers into one of the room. “What do you think? You can have your room here, we can have our weapons room here.”

“... _We,_ Sensei?”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “ _We_ are looking for a new apartment.”

“Oh.” Uncertain what to say, she goes to the room Sensei was looking at. The windows are much smaller than the ones in the kitchen, like they’re made specifically for shinobi. The closet is far smaller than she would like. Except all these wouldn’t matter if Sensei is footing the rent. Or is she paying half of it?

She shuffles on the spot, playing with the hem of her shirt and turns to him. “... Sensei?” Sakura wants to run away, or just say yes to everything. What if she angers him or makes him change his mind about her? Rent and where she’d stay didn’t really matter to her.

“Yes, Sakura-chan? What is it?” He asks gently.

“Isn’t it… weird…? Me living with you?” She can feel the back of her neck grow hot, desperately wishing she had shut up.

“Mmmm, in what sense?”

She clenches her fist, she’s already gone out and said it, she might as well go further.

“I mean… Me living with a grown man that… isn’t related to me?” She barely whispers her words out.

‘ _Yuriko would be throwing a fit about our ‘deplorable’ living conditions,’_ Inner says.

“Ahh…” Sensei says then rubs the back of his neck, an action Sakura has come to realise its a giveaway for Sensei’s awkwardness. “We should talk about that, shouldn’t we?”

He closes the bathroom door and pads towards her. “You’re officially my heir… Well, the official term is protégé but it’s often referred to as heir because most protégés were the heir-in-training-” Sensei slumps and runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry, rambling. Point is, most protégés and apprentices often stay with their sensei and also receive a stipulation from the administration. Up to now, we’ve been rebuilding you back to the ideal body weight and muscle mass that a kunoichi of your height and age should have. Which is why you spend the afternoons doing D rank for the manual labour exercise.”

Sakura thought that the reason why she did D ranks was because Konoha needed the extra labour. Civilians couldn’t carry and move things for as heavy or as long as shinobi could, and there had been plenty of buildings destroyed during the Chuunin Exams.

 _‘Though that explains the constant feeding that Genma seems to do all the time,’_ Inner wryly says.

The keyword is ‘up to now’, Sakura realises. She straightens up, the feeling fizzing underneath her skin. Genma talked about upgrading her conditioning exercises and now Sensei’s choice of words? Is _heir_ not just passing on special techniques? The book said that-

“Now that you’ve reached a healthy level. From tomorrow onwards, you’ll reduce the D ranks from daily to once a week. Which is why the Protégé Stipulation is important. And tomorrow I will be teaching you the next eight forms and after that, if you are interested, we will be looking for new taijutsu style for you to learn.” He turns away, almost embarrassed.

Sensei had been worried about her weight. He had picked her even though she wasn’t prime heir material and he hadn’t cared. Papa said that it was because of his influence that sensei continued to train her but isn’t Sensei going against all that Papa had said?

She looks down at her bare feet. She wants to throw herself and hug him tightly. She remembers Sensei’s pinched look when she did that.

“Sensei, may I… hug you?”

Sensei steps closer, his shoulders are stiff but he sets his hand on her head. “Of course. Whenever you need one.”

She wraps her arms around him, her face pressed against his vest. “Thank you, Sensei,” she whispers and he pats her head slowly. It’s an assuring feeling like that time when Sensei countered Zabuza’s killer intent with his presence and words.

_“I never let my comrades die.”_

_‘Safety,’_ Sakura thinks and she smiles.

“So about the apartment…” Sensei starts. “We still have a few others if you don’t like it.”

“Sensei, the wood on the floor is expensive. It’d be expensive to maintain with the pack’s claws.”

He looks down, surprise colouring his face. “Well let’s move on then.”

✥.✥.✥

It’s the second last apartment that gets both of their votes. It’s the sixth floor and had it been a month ago, Sakura would have been exhausted just climbing up all those flights of stairs. Now the exertion doesn’t bother her anymore.

She leans onto the window frame. It’s not sunset yet, but it’s close enough to sunset that the clouds are tinted with orange. The view from her new room is spectacular. She can see far beyond their building, and across the Hashirama Forest that stretches beyond what her eyes can see.

There are four rooms in this apartment instead. Sensei suggests reserving it for when Naruto returns and the idea appeals to her more than it should. She has her own room now and it even comes with her own closet!

“I guess I’ll go settle the paperwork,” Sensei says from the doorway.

“Are we not going to see the last one?”

“I see you’ve already picked out your room,” he smiles. “So have I.” He winks at her and holds up the sheath of papers.

“Pick up some takeout on your way home, Sakura-chan. I’ll meet you back at the apartment. We can seal our belongings later and move in tomorrow.”

She turns back to the room. She can put her futon in the corner, far enough from the window to not be too much of a hazard but close enough that she can see the sky. With all the saved up D rank pay, she can buy a small writing table and store her books on it. Can a whole bookshelf fit in a sealing scroll? Sakura pops her head out to eye the living room. The living room is almost three times bigger than Sensei’s. He might need more bookshelves instead of just transporting his old ones.

She latches the window close and slides down the building with a chakra technique Raidou had taught her.

There is enough saved mission pay to replace Sensei’s ratty dining table and also- The takeout! She forgot to get takeout. Doubling back, Sakura picks up some food and attempts to flicker back home.

_Home._

She tries but fails to quash the growing smile on her face. The idea of calling somewhere _home_ makes the fizz under her skin bubble more. Her cheeks hurt by the time she reaches home with the sound of the ninken scrabbling excitedly behind the door only serves to make it wider.

“Sakura!” Akito barks, circling her legs. The others chorus after him, Bisuke snuffling after the takeout in her hand. The ninken dance out of the way, letting her wade through them as they follow her. She pops open the beef chunks and sets one each in their bowls before filling it with canned dog chow.

“FOOD!” They bounce pass her, eagerly diving into their dishes.

Sensei slides through the window not a minute later and gives the apartment a once-over. “Perhaps tomorrow morning we should go to the Takumi’s and get some new furniture.”

He sits on the chair opposite hers and the chair creaks from his weight. “Wouldn’t want to be accused of living in a hobo’s apartment again,” he teases. Tearing the bag open, he digs out the four boxes and hands over the tempura don to her.

“We can go after lunch. Get a new dining table and a couch, maybe a coffee table?” He crunches on his breaded pork cutlet. Pakkun leaps onto the table and they both instantly pull their boxes away from him. Sakura wasn’t going to let Pakkun steal her food again no matter how much she liked him.  

“We’re eating,” Sensei pouts.

“I spoke to the Elders already and Okiku volunteered to be Sakura’s personal summon,” Pakkun says without any preamble.

A personal summon? Like the ninken? Sakura blinks wide-eyed at them then at the pack.

‘ _Imagine having our own ninken,’_ Inner says and honestly, Sakura can’t imagine it. What would it be like to have something that’s completely for you?

‘ _A personal summon.’_

“Pakkun!” Covering his mouth, Sensei hisses, “we talked about this. When she has enough chakra to summon and only if-”

Pakkun bites Sensei’s hand, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to startle him into letting go. “And I told you that if you thought that Sakura would object, I’d get Bull to sit on you.”

Sensei glares at Pakkun.

What is wrong with her having a personal summon? Is she not good enough? Sakura sets her chopsticks on the table, trying not to remember the words Papa said to her constantly.

“Sakura-chan.” He reaches over and pats her on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for Pakkun making decisions for you. Don’t feel like you have to accept, okay?”

_‘Decisions? What decisions?’_

“I didn’t want to force you to feel like you were obligated to sign my summoning scroll. If you want to, you can sign it, but you _don’t_ have to, understand?”

It’s a choice, Sakura realises. Sensei wanted to give her a choice.

“I… I would like to. If… If that’s okay with you.” She raises her chin, trying to mask her hesitation.

Sensei smiles, or maybe grins considering how large his lopsided smile is.

“Well, the good news is that Okiku is so keen on being Sakura’s summon that she doesn’t mind using her own chakra to summoning herself here until Sakura builds up enough chakra to do so,” Pakkun tells them. Bull drops a large summoning scroll onto the floor and unravels it for her.

The list filled with all Hatake names. “Are you sure… Sensei? I’m not… a Hatake.” Sakura ducks her head, trying not to feel the embarrassment of being the only non-Hatake.

“Maa… Technically you are. All heirs are considered adopted by their teachers.”

‘ _Hatake Sakura,’_ Inner says. _‘I like it.’_

Sakura signs her name, Haruno Sakura, right below Sensei’s, copying the signs that he showed her.

A poof of smoke envelopes them. Okiku huffs into her hair, towering over her. She shakes her mane and yawns. Her teeth are as long as Sakura’s fingers. Either of her parents must have been a wolf or something similar considering Okiku's ears and pelt looked exactly like one and if she ever thought Bull was big, Okiku was _huge_. What was she mixed with that made her so big? A mastiff?

“Pakkun are you sure Okiku is a dog?” Sensei asks, eyeing Okiku as she yawns.

‘ _You know, Kakashi could fit his entire head into her jaw,’_ Inner says.

“I’m a puppy!” Okiku barks, her tail wagging furiously, slapping Akito in the face. Akito rears back, looking at her scandalised.

“A _puppy_? She's as tall as me! On all 4 paws! Okiku is going to get _bigger!?_ ” He stares at Okiku, his words trailing into silence.

“It’s a good thing the new apartment is three times bigger,” Sakura says.

Sensei sags and palms his face. “Yes… I guess it’s one good thing.”

✥.✥.✥

Okiku curls around her that night with Bisuke’s head on her chest and Uhei next to her head and she’s happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This chapter is shorter, but it was a good spot to end? So I ended it there? Things are pretty good for Sakura now. She deserves some happy moments. We still have 3 more things to touch up before we're wrapping it all up. We'll be seeing Naruto soon (well like in 4 chps)! 
> 
> To address a few concerns: Kakashi isn't really going to carry out all _5_ years of barring Ino. Yes, it is kinda petty but also Kakashi did say it in a heat of anger. Inoichi isn't _evil_. He should have noticed, why didn't he? But that's the real question on how her abuse went unnoticed by everyone in power right? (no it's not a plot point) Depression and abuse are things that can be hidden fairly easily, especially when her father was a medic. Leaves no bruises, no marks. How was anyone supposed to catch it?
> 
> And no, it's not going to be smooth going from now on. We will be seeing setbacks, like how recoveries are.
> 
> Thank you for all your comments and kudos! Hope you enjoyed this! Have a good day! ♥


	11. Chapter 11

“Slow your breathing,” Sensei instructs as Sakura raises her tanto. He taps her left thigh with a stick. “Your left thigh needs to go down further. Forty-five degrees.”

Her breath escapes her mouth slowly. She spins the tanto around, her left foot digs into the earth.

“Good.”

Practising katas extra slow is a lot more difficult than doing it at normal speed. Sensei said it helps to build the muscles up, makes her more aware of which muscles and posture she should be using. They always start slow and increase the speed with each round until Sensei is pleased.

A bead of sweat drips down her face. She swings her elbow back against an imaginary foe, her tanto thrusting into where the abdomen should be. Her abs are screaming with pain as she drops into a roll, sweeping the ground and slashing her tanto.

“Very good,” Sensei says and claps his hands, indicating the practice is over. His eye curves into a smile but Sakura doesn’t need visual gestures anymore. The position of his shoulders and the way he stands tells her much more than the way his eye curves. Okiku bumps her, her wet nose digging into Sakura’s ticklish spots and wuffs.

“Good job. Your progression is good when even compared to those that have been practising since young.” Sensei ruffles her hair and gives her a sweet. “We can move to the next eight forms soon. Bringing you to up to twenty-four forms.”

Gulping down water and sucking on the sweet, Sakura looks at Sensei almost eagerly.

“We can touch on fighting with ninken later, but I need to explain some things. Personal summons and clan summons.” He motions to Okiku. “Okiku is your personal summon, like how Pakkun is mine. That means you can’t summon Pakkun, but you can summon Bisuke and the rest.”

Sakura nods. Pakkun had mentioned this previously. She had wondered on that. If being Kakashi’s personal summon meant that no one but him would be able to summon, wouldn’t that be more of a drawback?

Sensei seems to mull over his words and she sips more water, waiting.

“Having a personal summon is more of an advantage. Not only do summoning them means a drastically lowered chakra cost, but also they are capable of staying on even when you’re chakra exhausted. They are linked to you as you are linked to them.”

Sakura turns to blink Okiku who licks her face.

“They can feel your emotions and with time, as your bond grows, you can feel theirs too.” He pats Okiku. “So if and when you have a large pack like me, they will instantly know what formation you’d want of them and can act as a relay to your pack.”

That’d explain how the pack had known what formation to fall in the last few times Sensei had summoned them.

“How… do I increase the bond?”

Sensei scratches the edge of his mask. “I… don’t remember. But, for now, we’ll be increasing your chakra capacity. From tomorrow onwards, your morning runs will now require you to run sideways!”

‘ _Sideways?! Can we even last a lap,’_ Inner says.

Sakura doubts she could do all ten laps sideways. How does one even hop sideways?

“I guess it’s about time for our appointment,” Sensei sighs as he glances at the position of the sun.

“Does that mean we’ll be on time or four hours late?” Sakura asks, resisting the urge to duck her head and apologise for her snark. There is nothing to fear from Sensei and his hand ruffling her hair at his comment proves it so.

She follows behind Sensei, and as though sensing her uncertainty, he turns to crinkle his eye at her. He puts his hand on her shoulder, steering her through the late morning crowd.

“I promised to let a Yamanaka see you,” Sensei tells her and truth to be told, Sakura has almost forgotten about that.

What if they find something?

She forces her jaw to unclench. She did want to be sure. Whether it’s to be sure that she is as screwed up as she thinks she is or something, Sakura isn’t quite certain.

They stop in front of a tea house. It’s the same one that Ino’s mother had brought Ino and her frequently to when they were much younger. The furniture and decor are still the same since her last visit, half a decade ago. They are ushered into a private room at the back where Ino’s father is sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea.

“Sakura-chan,” he smiles.

She freezes, caught in a half-step, unsure. Her body is already automatically tilting into a polite bow, her lips turning up into a deferential smile, but it’s not her. She needs to be the sweet polite girl Mama taught her to be, unfalteringly-

Sensei’s hand grips her shoulder and pulls her into an awkward hug. She can smell the dogs on him, the detergent he sprayed on his flak jacket this morning.

Mama and Papa are dead. Burnt into ashes. She doesn’t need to listen to them anymore.

“Please sit,” Ino’s dad says unperturbed, as though her social misstep hadn’t occurred.

‘ _He’s probably trying to make it easier for us,’_ Inner says and Sakura agrees. Ino’s dad has always been that way.

She settles in front of him and Sensei takes the seat nearest to the door, pouring hot tea into the empty cups.

“So as requested, I will be doing a mind walking jutsu on you to check if there are any issues. This is entirely on your own accord.” He waits until she gives an affirmative verbally before continuing. “This will feel a bit peculiar, like a presence at the back of your head. As you will be out during this duration, please adjust yourself in a comfortable position.”

Ino’s dad gestures and Sakura nods, then with a pressure on the back of her head, everything goes black.

✥.✥.✥

Kakashi doesn't fidget. The years of training have ensured all nervous behaviours are suppressed. He holds his book in front of him though he is busy watching Sakura. He thinks of all the things that could go wrong, trying not to let his hopes raise up too high. There has never been anything in his life that had gone perfectly well, he'd be a fool to assume that of this situation.

It's Inoichi that wakes up first, likely because he's used to recovering from his clan jutsu with a look that Kakashi can only label as horrified. Kakashi sits upright, his stomach coiling as he watches Inoichi taps on the table thinking. He shakes himself and Kakashi can see the hairs on Inoichi’s arm are raised. Subtly, Kakashi leans closer to Sakura.

If Ino’s words are anything to gauge by, then based on Inoichi’s reaction to after mind walking Sakura, it’s entirely possible that he might attack Sakura. Okiku is right outside the teahouse with Pakkun and Bull, they would have to suffice as diversionary tactics until he can get to proper backup.

“I’m sorry,” Inoichi finally says. “I… I have never seen anything like it before.”

Kakashi nods, waiting for him to continue. He doesn’t let his guard.

“Sakura’s mind… for lack of better terms, is split. ‘Inner’ as they… _she_ calls it, is an unnaturally fixed, moving memory. I…” Inoichi gulps his now-cold tea then pours a fresh cup. “I hypothesize that the most likely reason how this could have all happened, is that she copied a Yamanaka mind jutsu and used it on herself, thereby splitting herself into two. Even though the Yamanaka mind jutsu isn’t a forbidden technique, it requires a delicate balance of Yin over Yang thus making it almost impossible for an outsider to successfully use it.”

He purses his lips and bursts into a sardonic laugh. “The very fact that Sakura hadn’t died using it, shows her incredible eye for chakra usage and brilliant chakra control. How amazing! I don’t think anyone would have taught it in a place she could have overseen or even taught her. She must have done a rough estimation! How-”

“Inoichi-” Kakashi interrupts. He can see his student pushing herself upright slightly disoriented from the mind walk. Cupping Sakura’s cup, he heats her tea up with his chakra and pushes it towards her.

The last few times he had been mind walked, it had been chilling. There was no amount of preparation that could have prepared him for it. Then again, they hadn’t been trying to be nice about it. Only the cup of warm tea Minato had given him had warmed him up. Kakashi shrugs away the memory of night after Rin’s death, focusing on Inoichi’s fingers and body language.

“Right. Sorry.” Inoichi takes another sip from his tea, nodding to Sakura. Kakashi refills her cup, trying to get another cup of warm tea in her to chase the chill away. Slowly, her trembling lessens as he rubs his hand up and down her arm, tucking her into his side.

He’d be able to make a clean getaway if Inoichi tries to grab her. It’s a defensive position, really.

“So the voice is real, or as real as it can be. You’re basically hearing is the persona that Yamanakas usually insert in the victims to retrieve information. Except you spilt yourself to insert into yourself. Which is why you hear... _Inner_.” He smiles as Sakura and clears his throat. “I’m afraid, Sakura, you’re a hundred percent sane.”

“So what can we do?” Kakashi asks, seeing the lost look on her.

Inoichi leans on his elbows, peering at her. “Sakura, can you tell me why you did this?”

 _‘What was she thinking? Splitting her mind like that?’_ Kakashi rages mentally. ‘ _She could have died-’_

His mind blanks out.

_Could have died._

Kakashi swallows down the bile in his mind but the stench of fear in the basement have been engraved into his mind.

He continues rubbing his hand up and down her arm, letting her half sit on his lap. Under those circumstances, could he honestly blame her? Kakashi glares at Inoichi, refusing to let him push Sakura around for answers. He can easily speculate why and honestly, Kakashi’s not certain he wants to hear it from her, himself.

Quickly backing off, Inoichi instead slides open the room door, motioning to a server to order some dessert.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” Inoichi says. “And if you had to do it, I wish you’d come to me sooner.”

His student, his fearless little student, pushes away from him to give her own version of a glare.

‘Come to him?’ Kakashi can almost hear her indignant words.

“Ino-ch… - _san_ and I weren’t close by then,’ Sakura tells him, holding her head up high. Right then, Kakashi can see the schooling that Raidou had done. Her fingers are shaky but she isn’t letting Inoichi push her around. “And you didn’t…” She pauses, clenching her fists. “You didn’t notice… _help_ all the times… I tried to ask.”

Inoichi flinches at her words and Kakashi can’t help feel smug about it. At least, _he_ noticed and tried. Sure, he had been a year late but Inoichi, the _master_ interrogator, hadn’t. Not in the nine years.

Inoichi clears his throat a few times before being mercifully saved by the server returning with bowls of anmitsu. Kakashi pushes his to Sakura, knowing that it’s her favourite.

“Since the split had happened such a long time ago, it’d be traumatic to fix.” Inoichi shakes his head and sighs. “There isn’t much we can do at this point. I would recommend accepting Inner as it is. It exists, it’s not supposed to be that way, but it’s not bad.”

Smirking at her, he continues, “now you’ll be practically immune to genjutsu and mind jutsus if you can get Inner to work with you.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura wakes to the low rising sun and Okiku’s head on her stomach. Twilight fading into pink, giving way to the pale blue. Across the road, she can hear the birds in the forest are preparing a new day. Bisuke snorts, blow her hair away from his nose and yawns.

She raises her hands and flexes them. There is a white scar across her middle finger from a wire trick Genma had been teaching her. Though her wrists still look delicate, her forearms are built with muscles.

She closes her eyes, casting her focus inward. Inner slumbers in her. She feels the thump of her heart beating in her ears, the sound of her breathing as her lungs inflate and deflate. The sounds of the birds chirping fade away, along with the awareness of Uhei biting on Bisuke’s snout.

Inner is Sakura, Sakura is Inner.

Her chakra pulses with her heartbeat, circulating through her tenketsu

 _‘Go take over the world,’_ Inner says with a sort of mental push.

And Sakura is ready for the day.

“Ready?” Okiku licks her face when she opens her eyes again. Her tail wags into Bisuke’s and Uhei’s face, halting their scuffle. There is a quiet clatter outside. The clack of nails on the wooden floor. Sensei would be in the kitchen doing his ‘I’m not humming’ humming.

“You’re getting better at this.” Okiku gives her another lick. “Faster too.”

It’s been five days since she started this routine under Ino’s dad advice. Perhaps it’s because there is peace in her knowing this as a certainty. She’s not crumbling anymore, not trying to build dams to shore up for the inevitable meltdown.

Sakura smiles at Okiku and rubs her face into her fur. “Ready.”

✥.✥.✥

_Hi Sakura!_

_Ero-sennin finally released me from **[REDACTED]**. After weeks of training with **[REDACTED]** and **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** then **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].** We finally **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**. Ero-sennin said that **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** and that we can’t just **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**. I honestly don’t really care. **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** was an asshole for **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**. I still can’t get over **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** being **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**. What, like telling me this now would make up for his years of **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**_? 

_He tells me that Kaka-sensei has offishially made you his apprentice. Is Kaka-sensei treating you right? I told Ero-sennin that Kaka-sensei never taught us anything and that we had to go back for you. Honestly, I think Ero-sennin is just as bad a teacher as Kaka-sensei is.  But at least we’d be together._

_I hope you are doing better and working hard. If spending a week under the icy cold waterfall hasn’t made me give up,_ _don’t you dare give up!  I still need my Anbu commander._

_\- The One and Only Uzumaki Naruto!  
Future Hokage!_

_P.S: The blackmail material you sent over the other day was really helpful. Is there anymore?_

✥.✥.✥

“Sensei, where are we going?” Sakura asks as she rolls her bedroll up and carefully filling her pack with the nutrition bars Sensei had given her.

Sensei pauses in the middle of his weapon-check, grinning at her. “We are going for a mission. Genma needs to clear his combat readiness test before he can resume missions as an A rank shinobi.”

“Combat readiness test?” She takes a stack of kunai and slips them into her pouch before checking her ninja wire and various weaponry are all where they should be.

‘ _Genma had a long downtime. So probably. If he’s an A rank shinobi, he might be sent on some S rank missions,’_ Inner points out.

“Cause of his injury?” Sakura asks him and he beams at her correct assumption.

“Don’t worry, Sakura-chan, most of the missions will be B ranks.” He ruffles her head. “Can you guess why?”

She tightens the strap on the pack, copying Sensei’s actions and heaves them onto her shoulders. “I’m assuming that since you’re asking that, it’s not _just_ because of his injury,” she replies, dryly.

“My cute little student, so sarcastic.” He places a hand on his chest and wipes a fake tear away then pulls up his mask back over his nose. He jerks at her straps, testing her knots and satisfied, turns around to lock the door behind.

She mulls over it. Inner working in different circles of her present thought process. The structure Ino’s dad had been helping with her have allowed Inner and her process thoughts faster than most people since they are both independent of each other.

“The village! Since the Chuunin Exams, the village has been down on manpower. So instead of sending teams out individually per mission, they send teams out to clear districts.”

Sensei ruffles her hair even more and hands her a cube of chocolate. “I’m not a dog, Sensei. You don’t need to give me a treat every time I do something right.”

“But how else would you know that you’re doing something right?” He ruffles her hair again and she sulked at him, combing her fingers through her hair to flatten them.

Sensei leads them through the village, cracking his favourite orange book open. Sakura stops to buy an ebi fry burger to munch on the way, idly wondering who else would be on the team.  

“Forehead?”

She freezes, slowly turning to see the blonde standing outside a cafe. Sensei is standing between them like he’s anticipating Ino on doing something. Sakura sucks a breath in. She’s not ready for this. Not when all her walls have been torn down by Sensei, Genma and Raidou.

_“Abomination.”_

_“Monster.”_

Her lips twist and she falls into a polite bow. “Ino-san,” she greets, letting Inner dictate her words. She can’t deal with this now and not fall apart.

“Foreh-” Ino gulps, glancing at Sensei and amends her words. “Sakura-chan, I… I wanted to _apologise_ to you.”

She almost takes a step back before Inner forces her to stand her ground. Okiku wuffs beside her, leaning into her.

 _‘We are not weak,’_ Inner hisses.

Sensei steps towards her. The warmth of Okiku grounds her.

“You don't have to say anything you don't want to,” Sensei tells her and for a moment, she can see her younger self with the red ribbon that Ino gave her.

The years have passed have since then from that moment she chose her survival over Ino's friendship. The lies she told herself all peeling away. No, she might have lied to herself on why she had abandoned Ino so easily, but the truth is that Ino had let her go just as easily. Back then, Sakura had been happy to assume that Ino had let go that easily because of her parents; now she knows otherwise. 

She is nothing to Ino. And that doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would. 

Okiku noses her hair and the vendor flips the ebi in the dryer, tapping them dry. 

Ino, her once friendship and single relationship she had to someone else beside her parents is no longer as important to her. Sakura scratches Okiku’s ear absentmindedly. 

She isn't defined by Ino anymore. Perhaps now that she has let go of her own demons, Ino and her might one day become true friends. Not today though. 

Sakura nods at him and gives Ino a cool smile. “I’m afraid Sensei and I are in a hurry. Knowing Sensei, we are probably at least two hours late by now.” Plucking the bag of ebi fry burgers from the vendor, she bows again to Ino. “Goodbye.”

Sensei hands her another chocolate as they walk away and she pops it into her mouth with a weak smile.

Everything that matters to her is right beside her now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry this took so long. A good friend of mine passed away last month. And... my depression spiralled. It was very difficult to write, let alone a chp this very cheerful. I thank you all for your kind patience. *bows* I'm still exhausted half the time, I'm getting back to where I was. I'm sorry if this chp isn't up to my usual standard.
> 
> On that note, I hope you prepare your hearts for the plunge. The next chp will finally touch on the last thing that I introduced previously. Hint: It's not Ino. We're still on schedule for our wraps up and Naruto re-appearing and various previously mentioned items. 
> 
> Also we've hit 20k hits! How did that happen???? I'm shocked. Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos ♥ Thank you very much for all the love so far!
> 
> Beta-ed by: [Mook_aron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mook_aron)


	12. Chapter 12

Sakura shunshins across the clearing, her kunai flashing in the low light as she leaps back and forth, dodging the rogue kunoichi’s katana.

‘ _Burning leaf’s sixteen pose!’_ Inner calls out and Sakura immediately folds her body downwards, sweeping her legs out. Her kunai curves out and up, catching the kunoichi’s torso. She bends back, the kunoichi’s blade narrowly misses her head. Hooking her ankles on the kunoichi’s neck, Sakura flips them.

The kunoichi lands and leaps back, then forward with blade swinging. Sakura stumbles, her chakra flaring into a makeshift shield, just barely in time. The kunoichi’s blade manages to slice just a little through her chakra, arm guards and forearm.

Inner tapers down the pain as Sakura tugs her arm off her blade and catches herself on the side of a tree. Her lungs rattle from a previous blow, struggling for a full breath.

It’s a cracked rib into her lungs. Sakura knows this feeling intimately.

_Breathe through the pain. There is no pain._

Sakura springs away lightly, using every ounce of Genma’s lessons to dodge the woman’s shurikens. To her right, Okiku is battling the woman’s partner. They won’t last separated. Making a quick decision, Sakura leaps towards Okiku, fingers flashing rapidly.

_Suiton: Suidan no Jutsu_

She fires several bullets one after another, but the kunoichi’s partner dodges them all. She’s not terribly surprised that he does. Sakura isn’t going to lie to herself about her fighting abilities. She’s a genin and the enemy shinobis are at least that of a chuunin. If they weren’t playing with her, she would have gone down like a rock.

Sakura can taste the blood in her mouth. Her lungs must be filling with blood because she knows she hadn’t bitten her tongue.

She takes a shuddering breath and coughs.

 _There is no pain,_ she tells herself even as she struggles for air.

She deflects his shurikens with her own carefully calculated shurikens, using a chakra-propelled jump to leap away as Okiku charges him. He avoids Okiku with little movement which is unsurprising. After all, Okiku is still a puppy and they are still learning combination combat tactics.

There weren’t even supposed to be shinobis. It was just supposed to be a simple retrieval mission which is why she was sent with Yamato as her oversight.

She flips back, ducking the man’s fist. Sakura just has to hold out until Yamato defeats the rest of the squad, not that the enemy duo knows, or if they do, they don’t care.

 _Just a little longer!_ She thinks, falling into a roll to avoid their earth spikes. A spike slices through her thigh.

‘ _Behind you!’_ Inner screams.

She spins around, her arms are not moving fast enough to divert the kunoichi’s katana. Sensei would be disappointed to know that she had forgotten her other opponent in mid-battle. Her mind calculates the trajectory to avoid it and knows it’ll be a death blow. Okiku lunges towards the woman, but she’s too slow.

Then a wooden pillar springs up between them, swallowing the shinobi and his partner.

 _‘A wooden pillar? What on earth?’_ Inner mutters.

Sakura sags to the ground, blood dribbling down her chin.

“Good... catch, Ya… ma… to-san,” she rasps.

Yamato lays her down gently, fingers clinically prodding her chest. “I have to heal you, Sakura-chan. There’s no way we can let this heal by itself, okay?” He frowns at her wounds.

“You… got… cut… _too,_ ” she tells him.

“Well, it’s a minor cut,” he says, ignoring the bleeding wound on his forearm and manoeuvers Okiku next to her. “I’ll try to make this fast. Close your eyes, ready?”

His hands lights, the green glow casts a weird shade on Okiku’s grey and brown fur.

_“Looks like it’s time for some remedial lessons.”_

“I’m sorry-” _Papa, I’m sorry._

She clutches Okiku, the sound of her heart drumming out the voices of Yamato and Okiku.

_Sorry, sorry, sorry._

There’s a gentle wet cloth on running across her face and unexpected warmth beneath her hands.

Papa never-

She gasps. It’s not a cloth, just Okiku.

“We’re in the forest, I’m fixing your rib. Just another fifteen minutes and I’ll be done. Sage, Senpai is going to _kill_ me. Sakura-chan, stay with me. We’re in the forest, I’m _still_ fixing your rib-”

Okiku licks her face, her large face hiding most of Yamato and the lower half of her body.

Sakura forces herself to concentrate on the grass beneath her feet, the soil between her fingers, the stars above in the night sky, the weight of Okiku’s paws on her arm.

“Almost done,” Yamato says, moving onto her thigh and she struggles to tune the hum of his chakra out.  

Her body is shaking but at least she’s not screaming and crying anymore.

Chocolate, strawberries, anmitsu, anko dumplings, dango.

‘ _Maybe we can convince Yamato to get some anmitsu before we make it back to Kakashi and Genma,’_ Inner suggests.

It’s a very good idea. Sakura distracts herself from Yamato’s medical chakra with image of the roadside’s anmitsu. Thick slices of peaches and thick gooey mitsu.

Yamato is now prodding the newly healed skin and wrapping her thigh. “Let’s not tell Senpai about this, okay?”

“Can we have anmitsu?” She asks in a raspy voice. “I’ll promise not to tell Sensei if you do.”

Yamato sighs. “You need to stop hanging out with Genma. He’s teaching you all the bad habits.” He helps her up and checks her for any other wounds before turning away to heal his own.

Sakura likes Yamato in a different way from Genma and Sensei. He’s like the reluctant big brother she’s read about and always wanted.

“There wasn’t even supposed to be combat in this mission. Who in the _Sage_ mind’s would _ambush_ a courier for a _teapot_ with A rank shinobis,” he mutters.

Considering Team Seven had an S-rank attack their first _C rank_ mission, Sakura isn’t all too surprised.

“Do you think there’s something special with it?”

Sensing someone closing in on them, Yamato takes a step in front of her, tensing for another confrontation.

“Sen… pai?”

Sensei lands before them, eyes looking a bit frantic before landing on Sakura. He cups her cheek, and does a once-over before relaxing. “There was a misrank.”

“A misrank.”

“The teapot is the bijuu sealing kettle stolen from Suna.”

“A bijuu sealing kettle…” Yamato says flatly. He cradles his head with a long groan. “I’m _never_ taking missions with you and your apprentice, _ever again._ ”

Sensei puts a palm on his chest, eyes widening. “But how else will we do missions?”

“As a duo! Or just without me! This is the fourth time a ‘misrank’ occurred!” Yamato pinches the bridge of his nose. “If I wasn’t a medic, Sakura would have died!”

Sensei hands her a chocolate. “Good job for not dying. Take another for handling being healed by medical chakra.”

“Sensei…” She turns her large green eyes at him, just like she practiced with Genma over their night watches. “I want anmitsu.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura couldn’t help but grin as they approached the gates of Konoha. The large green gates with the word ‘Peace’ painted on in red struck such a chord with her that she leapt down to stare at it.

Peace. Konoha. Home.

Sensei lands behind her and she turns to look him, at Yamato who has the look of exasperation on his face and Genma with his large ‘shit-eating’ grin; as Sensei calls it.

Family.

_Peace._

The mission away from Konoha has made her realise that Home isn’t necessarily a place.

Genma and Yamato land behind Sensei as Sensei walks up to her and ruffles her hair. “Got your passport?” He asks, pulling his out of his flak jacket.

“Would be funny if she forgot hers,” Genma says.

Sakura clutches the edge of her shirt, trying to muster Inner’s strength. She feels Inner push her forward and she gathers a smirk at him. “W-would be funny if a poison specialist poisoned themselves again.”

Sensei and Yamato snorts before bursting out laughing. Sensei clapping a hand on Genma’s back before producing a chocolate for her. “She got you there, Genma.”

“It was a simple mistake!” Genma grouses and points at her. “I’ll get you back for this.”

By now, she knows that there’s no real heat in his words. The large smile on his face is genuine. Okiku nudges her, her tongue flopping out under the hot afternoon sun. Sakura hands her passport to Sensei and scratches Okiku’s ear.

‘ _I’m not sure playing with senbons that have been dipped with an experimental poison is a mistake, let alone juggling them with his tongue,’_ Inner snarks.

Leaning onto Okiku, Sakura forces herself to focus on Okiku’s soft fur and repeats Inner’s words. The look on Sensei and Genma’s face is priceless and Sensei hands her another chocolate while Genma loops an arm over her shoulders, dragging her towards the checkpoint’s queue.

“This kid,” Genma says and noogies her. Sakura can feel his mirth in his chakra at this distance, pulsing through with giddy glee.

 _Your kid,_ she thinks to herself. “Sensei! Yamato-san! Genma-san’s bullying me!” She mock whines.

“Use the foot,” Yamato suggests as he hands all their passports over to the checkpoint’s shinobis. She twists her foot around Genma’s knee and with practiced movements, she twists herself out of his grip, sending him sprawling onto the ground.

“I’m pretty sure, ‘no fighting’ was one of the rules at the checkpoint,” says Shikamaru with his lazy drawl from the shadows. He sighs, hands crossed with an unhappy frown. “You. Are. Late.”

“Shikamaru!” Sakura beams at him. His eyes drag across her body, visually checking for any wounds. Satisfied, he ambles to her, following them down the main road. “Would you believe me if I told you that Genma-san, _our poison specialist_ , poisoned himself?”

Shikamaru arches an eyebrow at Genma and Sakura giggles at the large sigh Genma exhales.

“I’m assuming by the way you said it, you mean he poisoned himself, _with his own poison,_ ” Shikamaru deadpans.

“Sensei told me that _good_ poison specialists are immune to their own poison-”

“It was an _experimental_ poison!” Genma groans.

“-But since Genma-san decided to poison himself with his own poison by attempting to juggle senbons with his tongue and falling off the cliff while jumping across a waterfall-”

“And then breaking his leg,” Sensei adds.

Sakura nods sagely. “And broke his femur into three parts which took him a week to heal before we could resume travel.”

Sensei hands her another chocolate and she blinks at him confused. “What is that for?”

“For making fun of Genma,” he says, ruffling her hair.

“You don’t give her treats to make fun of people!” Genma complains.

“Sensei, I want anmitsu…”

“Treat types are non-negotiable...” Sensei starts but falters when she turns her green eyes at him. “... _fine._ ”

He hands her three 1000 ryo notes. “... Get some eggplant and takeout too.”

“Yes sir!” She tugs Shikamaru down the alley with a large grin.

It’s only three weeks from Konoha and everything feels different. The people milling around the market don’t make her as anxious as they used to. Even the sun seems brighter, warmer, and friendlier.

Inner presses against her, for once in complete agreement with her thoughts.

And it’s little surprise that Shikamaru is steps behind her. His eyes are examining her with great intensity.

“You seem happier,” he says eventually.

Sakura halts her bouncing, copying his slow pace instead. The multi-coloured nobori flutters in the wind, the sound of the cloth flapping obscured by the low clamour of housewives haggling with shopkeepers or gossiping with one another.  

She doesn’t know how to reply to his words. It’s different. She feels _different_ now. Outside, in the forests, she had felt free. There were no reminders of her uselessness, no memories of anything. The stars were her ceiling, the trees were her walls. She lived and bled. Re-created herself. Fought and _won_.

Shikamaru doesn’t demand an explanation, doesn’t judge her for the lack of it either.  Wordlessly settling beside her and orders two bowls of anmitsu.

She doesn’t feel like her skin is too tight or that she’s drowning anymore. Perhaps this is what happiness is.

“I think… I _am_ happy,” she tells him.

Shikamaru makes an approving noise and his lips twitches upwards.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

✥.✥.✥

 “I’m finally reached the sixtieth Goraikou pose now!”

Shikamaru yawns. “I know, Kakashi-sensei made me run laps while he was instructing you. I thought I signed up to _spar_ with you, not _run_ ,” he whines when Sensei finally dismissed them from training a few days later.

“That wasn’t Sensei! That was Genma and he said that Asuma-sensei told him you were skipping out on training.”

Shikamaru grumbles and waves at the vegetable store. “Just get your groceries so we can go and get dinner.”

Sakura grins, inspecting the eggplants and dumps the bags into his hands.

“I said _your_ groceries not mine! Why am I carrying them?” He grouses.

“Sakura-chan!” A girlish voice calls out as they cut through the shopping district.

Sakura turns, her back stiffening at the sight of the pale-haired woman crossing the street to her. The cold closes on her like a vice as she struggles to not run away. The white circle on Yuriko-obasama’s dark red qipao reminding her that she can never run away.

On hindsight, Sakura should have expected this.

Sakura isn’t meant for happiness. So when happiness came, she should have known that it would be fleeting. Or maybe she should have left earlier. Getting Sensei and all of them, then losing them is going to be a lot harder than never having them to start with.

“Hello Sakura-chan,” Yuriko says and Sakura remembers the afternoons in the Haruno compound.

_The large Wisteria trees in the middle of the compound._

“Yuriko-obasama.” Sakura bows, trying not to give in to the frisson of fear scuttling down her spine. Inner goes silent then roars in rage. She should feel the rage that Inner has, but all she feels is pounding in her ears.

 _‘She’s not here about it!’_ Inner screams.

Right. Her parents.

She hasn’t told Yuriko-obasama about her parents’ death. Forgot, really - not that Yuriko-obasama would accept such an excuse. She’s supposed to be sad that her parents died, just like a good, filial daughter would.

She’s not, but she should and that’s what matters.

Yuriko-obasama bows at Shikamaru, a soft gentle smile on her pale skin and places a hand on her lips with a touch of embarrassment and all the grace of a high born. Sakura knows the game Yuriko-obasama is playing; she’s seen it one too many times and it’s often superseded with a blush from the man she’s directing it too. The Haruno Clan wouldn’t have stayed well-placed and decently favoured in the Damiyo’s court had it not for Yuriko-obasama’s maneuvering.

“I apologise Shinobi-san,” Yuriko-obasama tells Shikamaru. “I have to borrow Sakura-chan.”

Surprisingly, Shikamaru doesn’t fall for it. His eyes are dark and hooded, his hands deep in his pockets, lazy and slouched as he always is, but Sakura can see the lines of tension in his shoulders. As a kunoichi , Sakura would have waited for a response from him but Yuriko-obasama is a civilian and when she reaches for Sakura’s arm, Sakura can see Shikamaru tensing for something, she’s not sure what.

“For what?” Shikamaru asks, his hand tugging Sakura out of Yuriko-obasama’s reach.

“ _Clan_ business, I’m sure you’ll understand,” Yuriko-obasama says, her smile is tighter now.

Part of her screams to not go with her, and a larger part of her is resigned. She is a Haruno. Born a Haruno, die a Haruno.

Shikamaru’s grip on her arm tightens. There’s nothing that Shikamaru can argue against that. Clan business are usually only kept to their clan members.

“What sort of _Clan Business_ would involve a kunoichi in a civilian clan?” Shikamaru presses.

Yuriko-obasama covers her mouth and chuckles. “Oh, shinobi-san, you’re so funny. There are plenty of business related to civilians. Now, we’re a bit pressed for time-”

Yuriko-obasama reaches out to grab her again and Shikamaru’s hand twitches.

Grabbing Yuriko-obasama’s wrist could count as ‘laying a hand’.  As part of the Fire Country’s military, they are sworn to never lay a hand on a Fire civilian unless they’re ordered to or are provoked otherwise.

Sakura has seen her exploit it more than a few times, seen her destroy a shinobi’s reputation with just words and realises she can’t let Yuriko-obasama do that to Shikamaru. She can’t just passively watch Shikamaru fight for her when she knows that returning was always an eventuality and not a probability.

No Haruno can refuse when the Clan Head calls for them.

She taps his hand and tilts her head to him. “It’s ok Shikamaru-san. I’m sure she’s referring to my parents.”

His lips thin, his fingers jerking on her arm. Sakura thinks for a brief moment that he might refuse to let her go and the thought of what Yuriko-obasama might do to Shikamaru scares her even more. She remembers Iwashi, the once jounin now chuunin, remembers the mess Yuriko-obasama had created.

She has to let them go, and go back.

“It’s okay Shikamaru-san.” She smiles a large fake smile.

Reluctantly, he lets her go, hands fisting on his sides. She lets Yuriko-obasama’s hands guide her down the street and behind her, she hears Shikamaru call out, “don’t forget tomorrow’s training at seven a.m.!”

Considering Yuriko-obasama has never sought her out personally, it’s highly unlikely that it’d be anything trivial. She turns to take a look at Shikamaru, for what feels like the last time she’ll see him and he is standing there, staring at her intently, as though waiting for her to give him a signal, an order, or something.

It had been a good dream.

Sakura does nothing, except to turn back to the road in front of her and steels herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Not sure if anyone suspected the Haruno clan appearing, but baam. For those who are wondering why Mebuki and the clan treated her that way, we'll find out soon. I was going to add stuff here, but I figured I might as well add all the triggerish stuff in the same chp (which is the next chp)
> 
> There's also an additional fic 'A distant cry of Spring', for anyone who's interested in AUs.
> 
> We've almost hit 2k kudos! Thank you very much for all your support and patience for my slow ass chps. ♥♥ You guys are the best.
> 
> Beta-ed by: [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT:** There are trigger warnings for this chapter. This chapter is dark, so please do ready your hearts. I tried to tone it down so it's not too difficult to read, but I was told that it ended up not having the impact I wanted. SO! Here we are.
> 
>  **Trigger warnings:** PTSD attacks, being enclosed in a dark place, implied/reference torture, dissociative episode

Suggested Soundtrack: 

 

The Haruno compound is exactly how Sakura remembers it to be. The beige walls, the large gates with neat signs instructing merchants on which house to go to for what purpose, and maple trees lining the pathway.

 _Run!_ Inner screams.

But Sakura keeps walking forward with Yuriko-obasama’s hand clamped around her arm as Yuriko-obasama’s nodding to merchants lingering around the clan administration buildings. They keep walking further into the compound, passing the more publicly used buildings and through the small dark red gates enclosed with a tall hedge.

The door slides open, a lower branch member bows at Yuriko-obasama. “Noriko-ojousama and Hibana-sama are in the kitchen,” he says. His green eyes glance briefly at Sakura and darken in hatred. He doesn’t say anything to her, he doesn’t have to; Sakura has never been welcomed in the Haruno compound and she expects this.

The door slides shut behind her with a resounding crack. Her cousin, Noriko and her mother, Hibana, are in the kitchen making wagashi when Yuriko-obasama brings her in. They take in her sweaty outfit and Noriko’s lips curl in disgust. “Still playing ninja, I see,” she sneers.

Yuriko-obasama drops Sakura’s arm, wiping her hand on her qipao and smooths her bun, readjusting her jade zan1.

“Get her some proper clothes,” Yuriko-obasama tells Noriko. “We won’t have disgusting ninjas in this house.”

“Well, what can you expect from _that man’s_ child?” Hibana says and Sakura feels like she’s six again, when Mama left her here for the weekend.

Noriko throws a threadbare qipao at her. Not red, like Mama made her wear but a plain black, without even a Haruno mon on the back.

_‘You’ll never be a Haruno no matter what colour you wear,’ Yuriko-obasama snarls. “Harunos are blonde haired not this disgusting shade of not red.”_

This is all she was ever born for and this is all she’ll ever be.

✥.✥.✥

“Kakashi-sensei!”

Kakashi pauses in his conversation with Tenzo and Genma and turns, surprised to hear Shikamaru yelling. Naras so rarely raise their voice - or run, yet he could see Shikamaru bounding across the rooftops, shouting for him. Kakashi leaps up onto a nearby tree branch, waving to catch Shikamaru’s attention and the Nara veers off, landing heavily before Kakashi.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Shikamaru pants. “You have to- Sakura-”

“Report, Shikamaru,” he commands. Genma and Tenzo land on the nearby branches, both alert and ready for action. Whatever has happened, he hopes he won’t need back-up. Hopefully it’s something minor like Sakura breaking a toe, or a foot. Something that he can bully a medic-nin into fixing or something he can put a bandage on.

“The Haruno-” Shikamaru shakes his head and corrects himself, “Haruno Yuriko requested for Sakura.”

“Okay...?”

For some odd reason, Haruno Yuriko sounded familiar, but Kakashi isn’t sure from where. Haruno Yuriko?

“Sakura called her Yuriko-obasama,” Shikamaru says.

“Isn’t Haruno Yuriko that the civilian that Asuma had mentioned? The one that had practically made her ‘rounds’ around sleeping with every lord that had a smidge of power?” Tenzo asks.

Is Yuriko someone bad? The Harunos are a merchant clan after all, if there is something going on with the merchant clans, either Genma or Aoba would have heard about it. Did he need to go after Sakura?  

“Sakura went with her. But there was something wrong.” Shikamaru frowns. He stares at Kakashi. “Sakura nearly flinched when she saw Haruno Yuriko and when Yuriko said it was clan business she got scared. I tried to stop her from going but Sakura went willingly anyway.”

“Willingly?” For her to comply when told that it was regarding _Haruno_ clan business would mean that she still thought of herself as a Haruno. And honestly, Kakashi couldn’t say that he was terribly shocked. After all Sakura had been a Haruno longer than a Hatake, though it still hurt.  “...willingly,” Kakashi repeats with a sardonic smile.

To be chosen over someone else… Ah, this is what Sakura must have felt when he had focused solely on the boys.

“Willingly,” Genma deadpans. “You don’t actually think she picked them over _you_ , right Kakashi?”

Genma jumps onto Kakashi’s branch and elbows him in the ribs. “I’m pretty sure she hasn’t realised that with your ongoing apprenticeship, she’s now considered a Hatake first and a Haruno second.”

Genma’s probably right, Kakashi decides. Especially since he’s almost always right in the social aspect. If so, then what kind of _clan business_ would get her scared?

“Oh.” Tenzo stills, straightening his spine. The colour fades from his face as he faces them. “Haruno Yuriko is the one that destroyed Iwashi, Kotetsu and Izumo’s careers that forced them to be demoted back into chuunins.”

“The same one that tried to do that with Ensui?” Genma asks and Tenzo nods. “...Then… it… wasn’t… _willingly_?”

What if the abuse wasn’t just limited to her parents?  His stomach roils at the thought of Sakura being held against her will. What if _clan business_ was just a word they used to…

Sakura is a kunoichi of Konoha, she’s physically stronger than any civilian, but just because she’s physically stronger, wouldn’t mean she would… _could_ use it against her abusers.

 “I- I need to find Kurasuki-obasan.”

✥.✥.✥

“No! Yuriko-obasama! _Please!_ ” Sakura screams. Her fingers digs into the earth, trying to stop them dragging her to the Wisteria trees.

“If you didn’t exist, my life would have been so much better.” Yuriko-obasama grabbed her by her hair, yanking Sakura’s head up to face her. “If she had married Tachibana, unified our houses then I wouldn’t have had to resort to opening my legs for those filthy lords to regain our glory.”

She caresses Sakura’s face.

“Oh but she _had_ to have a one-night stand with a man she didn’t even _love_! _Had_ to have _you_.” Yuriko-obasama’s grip on her neck is bruising. Her lungs heave, rattling in her ribs and the world spun in her vision as Sakura struggled to pry open Yuriko-obasama’s fingers. “Who did you think had to step up after her engagement had been so unfavourably broken? All the things I had to do, so _we_ weren’t kicked around like _dogs_ or treated like a stain. Did you know how many careers your birth has destroyed?! Our livelihood, the _trust_ in our reputation.”

“Pl- _se,_ ” Sakura forces the words through her numb lips. “Immm so-ry”

She can see the door sitting under the trees waiting for her. She tries to burn through the sedative they’ve injected, but it won’t be in time. She should have run, fled, but if she did, she knew Yuriko-obasama would have gone for Shikamaru. After all that Shikamaru had helped her with, she couldn’t repay him by letting Yuriko-obasama destroy his career.

This time, she chose this.

They toss her through the door and down the hole. Sakura tumbles down the stairs and lies limply at the bottom, watching them slam the door shut as she lies on her back in the cold dirt. Despite it being but hole in the ground, Yuriko-obasama had attempted to re-create the Basement. She could pick out the parts that are different. Sensei had taught her to hold onto these parts and focus on them. Genma had taught her to focus on the people she loved.

For Shikamaru, she will endure.

The lab table in the middle of the room looked like the one in the Basement.

_“Papa, please. I’ll get it right this time!” She pleads. Why did her arms give out before a hundred push-ups? Why is she so weak?_

_“One day you’ll be caught,” Papa tells her and lifts her onto the table, strapping her arms down. “They will ask you things and when that happens, you’ll thank me for training you in this.”_

For Sensei, she will-

_He unrolls his set of scalpels. “We will start from the smallest one and you will keep what you did today a secret.” Pulling out the smallest scalpel, he places it on her forearm. “Now, tell me what did Iruka teach you today.”_

Sakura can feel Inner rattling in her mind, jolting her from her daze.

 _Count. How many buttons are there on you,_ Inner says, trying to keep her on track. _How many ninken food bowls are in the kitchen._

A fist of fear scampers down her body. Her nails gouging tiny crescents into her palm.

“Twenty buttons. There are seven food bowls under the sink. Five bags of ninken chow.”

_“Fear is good. Fear teaches you that you are alive. Don’t let fear cloud you.” Raidou places her hand on his chest and she can feel his heart beating away. “Hold tight onto your goals, you will not stumble because of Fear. You are more than fear.”_

She can do this. She is more than a summary of her trauma.

“A hundred and forty-two books on Sensei’s shelves.”

She closes her eyes and cast her focus inward, reaching out to Inner. Ino’s dad taught her how to calm her inner self, to sync them together. Except, the sound of her heart that should have been comforting now feels like a noose around her neck.

Sakura claws into her arms.

Please. She _needs-_

Blood drips from her palm, dribbling down her leg, her breath hitches and her peace shatters.

✥.✥.✥

Kakashi flickers across the village, not caring if it’s considered bad manners. He responds rapidly to the Anbu security checks, hoping that they won’t force a more thorough one.

Why had he wasted all those minutes thinking about Sakura wanting to be a Haruno?

He flashes another urgent signal when an Anbu team attempts to stop and check him. He’ll get hell for using an urgent classification sign in a non-mission related situation, but it’s a price he’ll willingly pay if it means a faster response for Sakura.

Karasuki is at the table when he flickers into the main house’s living room. “Karasuki-obasan!” Kakashi says, all too relieved to find her at the first place he thought of.

“Get your dirty sandals off my tatami!”

“It’s Sakura-chan, obasan. The Harunos took her home.” Kakashi resists the urge fidget under Karasuki’s hard look. “Nara Shikamaru was there. He thinks that the Haruno were forcing her.”

Karasuki takes a long puff on her kiseru, exhaling smoke into the room. “Do you have any idea what the Harunos are? Aside from being merchants. If the Haruno came for Sakura and she went with them, then there’s nothing we can do until she returns to us.”

“I don’t believe that-”

“The Haruno clan controls the majority of the rice trade, and holds the ear of most of the voices in the Daimyo’s court. They might have been out of favour a decade ago but that since has changed under Haruno Yuriko’s shrewd hands.” Karasuki taps the ash out of the hizara and takes another puff. “The Haruno clan is a _civilian_ clan. Even if I rounded up the council, the only people the Haruno would bow down to, would be the Royal Civilian Table. And they wouldn’t just _listen_ to the Shinobi Council.”

“Sakura is a kunoichi. She doesn’t fall under the jurisdiction of the RCT!”

“You don’t think I know that?!” Karasuki slams her hand on the table. “But your student went with them. That means she allowed herself to be claimed as a Haruno.”

“Then… then what can we do?” No matter what Karasuki says, he isn’t going to let Sakura stay there. He would kidnap her from that place and fuck consequences if he had to and the only reason why he isn’t doing that now is because he wants to stay as her shishou, her guardian, her _dad._ A shinobi violating a clan compound, isn’t something Tsunade can overlook, much less a _civilian_ one.

And letting Genma or Raidou replace that bond isn’t something Kakashi is willing to let it happen yet.

“The Tachibana clan controls much of the wood trade in Konoha. The Tachibana are the only clan other than the Harunos that can make the RCT bow to them.”

Okay, he can do this. The Tachibana owes him a favour and he’ll Sage damn it all and call it in if he has to.

✥.✥.✥

Sakura screams, her fingers clawing at the wooden door.

 _It’s just wood!_ Inner screams.

She can barely hear Inner over the roar of Papa’s voice.

 _It’s not real!_ Inner yells.

Sakura tries. Taking one breath it and holding it like Genma had taught her. Her body is shaking, she tastes metal in her mouth.

 _“Can you tell me which muscle this is, Sakura?”_ _There is a prick on her thigh, the stench of fresh blood flooding her nose. Blood drips from her fingers from where her nails used to be._

_“Come on Sakura. You know this one right? I don’t need to punish you, do I?”_

“Oh how cute. You’re trying to break through the door like a peasant? Did you think you could?” Yuriko-obasama asks. “The sedative didn’t break her, did it?”

“The medic said it was a safe sedative. But on the bright side, with the loss of her awareness, she’d be easier to control this way.”

Yuriko hums. “That is true. Kawazaki would have an easier time with her too.”

_“You’re so fat now. Did you think Sasuke-kun would want such a pathetic girl like you? When I was your age, I had the most handsome boys in the village vying for my attention.” Mama kicks her in the stomach with a sneer. “You don’t even have a single friend. You’re pathetic.”_

Sakura whimpers, not even responding when Yuriko kicks her in the stomach, copying the shadow of a memory in her mind.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get your shot at finally bringing the Haruno house back to where we were _before_ you _._ How marvellous you’ll be in court. All that pink hair. You’ll have such fun with Kawazaki.”

“You should try shining a green lit lamp at her. I heard from Noriko that she goes hysterical.”

“ _Really?_ Oh excellent. Get me the lamp! I must see this.”

 _“Don’t worry Sakura,”_ _Papa’s hands light up in a green glow. “Once you learn how to resist these techniques, you’ll never break under torture. You’ll always come home.”_

_His chakra scalpels dig into her flesh._

“No Papa!” Sakura cries.

_There is no blood, but her thighs burn under Papa’s hands. “Tell me which muscle did I just cut?”_

_“Th- the pe-pectineus,” she gasps._

_“I thought I taught you better than this,” he sighs. His scalpels bury into her flesh again and a shot of agony punches through her. “_ That _is the pectineus. Now, I guess I have to punish you.”_

“I’ll be good, papa,” Sakura whimpers.

“Oh my, I think I found my new favourite sound,” Yuriko laughs.

✥.✥.✥

“Tachibana-sama,” Kakashi kneels before the man. “The favour you once offered six years ago, I’ve come to claim it.”

He looks up at Tachibana Hideki, his once blue hair now streaked with silver.

“What favour is it, you seek?”

“The Haruno clan have forced my stu- my _heir_ back with them.”

✥.✥.✥

Who is she?

Where is she?

She crawls up the stairs, ignoring the liquid dripping from her mouth. The wood doesn't budge against her hands.

She needs to...

_Be like the wind, powerful. Be like the rock, unyielding. Be like the fire, domineering. Be like the water, flexible._

She punches the door a few times, her chakra reacting to her every thought.

She is strong like the wind, hard like the rock.

Her chakra splutters into her hand and her fist, this time smashes through the wood. She rips it open, uncaring that a splinter scrapes her forearm.

_Fear is good._

She stumbles across the courtyard and pauses, picking up a stray shuriken and kunai. There is a lady with blond hair in the hallway screaming at her.

_You are more than fear._

She throws the shuriken, idly picking up a full pouch lying on a cabinet. Rapidly, she shoots the shuriken deep into the wood and cloth, nailing the woman against the wall with her clothing.

“YOU DARE!?” An older blonde haired lady screams from the other end of the room. “You filthy bitch! As if losing the house, the land, and destroying all our lives wasn’t enough! And for WHAT? For a one-night stand! Now you dar-”

She rushes at the woman. Her fist slamming into the woman’s abdomen. The woman chokes out saliva, her jade zan slips from her immaculate hair, shattering on the wooden floor.

Not enough.

The woman needs to bleed.

She punches her again, this time landing on the woman’s shoulder and there is a satisfying crack beneath her knuckles.

Her heart was racing but she felt calm like she was doing something mundane. She should feel something, a rush of fear, anger or happiness, but there is nothing.

Who is she? Why is hitting this woman so important?

The woman screams and men rush out, attempting to pull her off. She swings her kunai, cutting into one of their arms, another across the chest. They are not trained like she is.

She holds up the kunai, contemplating the woman’s eye. If she injuries the woman’s eye then maybe she might feel something?

“Sakura-chan!”

The eye is too easy. Maybe if she sliced across the woman’s face. Or even-

“Sakura-chan, stop.”

Sakura. That sounds familiar.

Her body freezes against her will. She can see that there is an odd shadow glued to hers. Why is her shadow longer than it should be?

There is a large hand over her own, another looping around her waist, hauling her off of the woman and a huge mass of fur separating her from the woman.

“Sakura-chan, you can stop. Haruno Yuriko can no longer hurt you.”

Who is Haruno Yuriko?

Who is she?

She is…

“Sakura-chan, come back to me,” the silver haired man says. The quaver in the man’s voice is strange. Why did she think that it’s strange?

The dog whines, licking her hand. She should know this dog. She knows this dog.

The dog is…

She is...

Her mind draws a blank. Ask, she needs to ask. She opens her mouth, and suddenly it feels like her throat closed up on her.

Where is she?

She watches the silver haired man embrace her, pinning her arms against his so securely that she can’t move. She watches the brunet haul a dishevelled blond woman away, the senbon in his mouth bobbing up and down almost angrily.

“Your name is Sakura, you are in Konoha. Today is the twelfth November. It is currently seven am, we were supposed to make dumplings for breakfast, but you were late. You are safe now,” the silver haired man says.

_“You’re talentless, useless kunoichi, you’ll never amount to anything. But with this, you could survive.” Papa cups her face and wipes her tears away. “I have to give you the tools that no one gave Nobu! He died in that chamber because he couldn’t endure the torture. But you! You won’t!”_

“Your name is Sakura, you are in Konoha. Today is the twelfth November. It is currently seven-oh-one am, and we last saw each other sixteen hours ago. You are safe now,” the silver haired man repeats.

_Sakura._

The numb feeling in her thaws at his words.

She is Sakura.

Sakura stares blankly at her hands and back at Yuriko, trying to figure out how she had gotten out of the hole. Okiku nudges into her empty hand, and she instinctively grips onto Okiku’s soft fur.

Sensing that she’s more aware, Sensei loosens his grip on her arms and she turns to face the screaming woman held back by Genma.

_Hold onto your goals._

“-She is a Haruno. THIS is our _clan-”_

“No,” Sakura says quietly.

Never let them see you’re scared, Raidou always reminded her.

So she raises her head upright, even though all she wanted to do is hide in Okiku’s fur. “I am not,” she tells Yuriko, her voice wavers but Sakura stiffens her shoulders, refusing to bow any more in spite of her trembling hands.

She is Sakura, a proud kunoichi of Konoha.

“I- I re-renounce my clan.” Her hands loosen and the kunai clatters onto the ground. “I- I rather be- be clanless than a Haruno, if be-being a Haruno means this.”

“No, you’re not,” Sensei says. There is a smirk in his eyes, coy and triumphant. “You are a Hatake.”

Yuriko shakes Genma off. The blood staining her face and her expensive qipao only serves to make her look more deranged. “Wait until the RCT and Daimyo hears about this, Haruno Sakura will never-”

“Under the Konoha laws, _you_ provoked her. Sakura-chan was fully within her rights to fight back,” Sensei tells her.

Yuriko sneers, her lips twisting in glee, “and you think they’re going to listen to _Friend-Killer_ Kakashi, do you?”

“No, they probably won’t, but _they_ will listen to me,” a blue haired man says, stepping forward from the shadows.

“Oh nice of you to violate the sanctity of my clan house without my permission, _Tachibana_.”

“Hm. What do you think  the RCT and the Daimyo will think when they hear that the _grand_ Harunos were abusing another clan’s child?” Sensei asks.

“Sakura is a Haruno!”

He unrolls a scroll with the Hokage’s stamp on it and tosses it to her. “Officially, Sakura has been a Hatake for over two months.”

Yuriko blanches at the sight of the red official seal on the scroll.

“I’ll take care of the Harunos, Hatake,” Tachibana nods at him. Genma releases Yuriko and retreats towards the door, followed closely by Shikamaru.

“Thank you Tachibana-sama.” Sensei bows and Sakura lets Sensei scoop her up into his arms. She presses her face into his vest, the pain in her flesh and bones don’t hurt any more than the pain in her head.

Sakura.

All she needs to be is Sakura, the proud kunoichi of Konoha.

That’s right, right?

She is… Sakura, right?

The throbbing in her head grows worse, carving into the pain deeper in her skull. She gasps. It hurts too much to hold on now.

Will she always have to struggle?

When will it end?

She schools a shuddering breath and lets the darkness take her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is going to be a LONG ASS Author's note!
> 
> First of all I'm terribly excited we made it to this point! *waves the Hatake Sakura flag* Everyone thought that Kakashi was going to save her, but I figured that the biggest growth that Sakura have was saving herself. Admittedly she didn't quite do it _alone_ , Kakashi had pulled her out and stuff. BUT she finally made the step herself. She saw the problem, chose to take the step herself and renounced her clan. For someone who has been abused all her life, this is _huge_ step.
> 
> So I can see various questions like why didn't Okiku help her in the beginning/find her/ was with her. I just want to point out that Pakkun and Kakashi's pack doesn't exactly follow him around. While Okiku being around would be terribly convenient, I didn't think that Okiku would be following Sakura all over the place since Pakkun doesn't do the same for Kakashi. Hence, why Okiku only appeared at the end. (Really, I also did want Sakura to make the step herself)
> 
> And now we know why Kizashi, Mebuki and the Harunos treat Sakura that way. It's not forgivable, but still it can be somewhat understood. Having come from a big clan myself, I felt that if someone in my clan did something that caused all of us to be stigmatized to the point of difficulty having a career, there would be a great deal of resentment to that person. And since resentment breeds resentment, it's highly likely that it might have escalated.
> 
> If there's anything that's not making sense to anyone, please do drop it in the comment and I'll see if I can explain it. (๑•́ ₃ •̀๑) And for anyone who missed it, there's an AU one-shot series now. Is it ironic that I find dark chapters easier to write?
> 
> Thank you for all your comments, kudos and love! ♥♥♥
> 
> Further notes from this chp:  
> (1) After some deliberation, I was planning to give Yuriko a Kanzashi, but then realised that the Harunos wore qipao, so that’s more inline with chinese styles. So a Zan, is a traditional hair stick. And it looks like this: <https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lunawingz/Zan_zpslcbj2srz.jpg>
> 
> I GOT FANART! Drawn by [Dragonpyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonpyre/pseuds/dragonpyre)  
> [Kakashi carrying the pink futon](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lunawingz/Pinkfuton_zpsnixetxnv.jpg)  
> [Kakashi & Sakura](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lunawingz/image0_zps6fnuptxn.jpg)  
> [Sakura and her battleaxe (from the AU series)](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lunawingz/sakura-battle%20axe_zpsqz3ia7hl.jpg)  
> [Sakura and her battleaxe (Back)](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lunawingz/image0%201_zpsumgozekv.jpg)
> 
> Beta-ed by: [kokoronokingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu) and [hjm52](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjm52)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song matches this chp so well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGctj4S80Cw

_Just when things were starting to look good for her,_ Kakashi thinks as he wraps his arms around Sakura. He hoists her up in his arms, resting her head against his neck so that she wouldn’t roll around. Leaping onto the rooftops, he couldn’t help but worry if she would ever recover from this.

Perhaps this way, she can make a clean break from her… _family._

He tries and fails to console himself. The very idea that a blood relation would stoop so low as to make their own family member crack this way is almost unthinkable. He might not have answered his aunt’s summons, might not have returned to the compound even after Minato-sensei’s death, but because of those mysterious care packages and random mission requests whenever he felt too close to breaking; Kakashi had always known it had been his clan watching out for him in their own way.

She is strong, stubborn. She will recover, _or will she?_ Kakashi falters mid-step, hands gripping her tightly, unable to push the memory of her blank face while beating into Yuriko. Those blank eyes that looked up at him without a single glimmer of recognition.

He had done that too after Minato-sensei death. Separated himself into two, unable to cope with the loss of yet another pack member and he hadn’t managed to recover until years later.

Would that be the same for her?

The shy smiles she offered him when he gave her chocolates, the look of concentration when she sucks on an umeboshi.

 _She will recover,_ he tells himself fiercely because the alternative makes his chest hurt; because he doubted her when he first met her, he doubted her on that mission to Wave but she had shown him over and over again her courage and perseverance.

This time, she _needs_ him to believe in her.

He slips into their apartment, the ninken parting before him, though following closely on his heel as Kakashi makes his way to her bedroom.

“Senpai?”

Kakashi tries to focus cleaning her wounds, tries to ignore the blood on his hands.

The blood.

“Kakashi?”

Rin’s blood dripping down his hands. He gasps, his heart is beating too fast for it to be normal. The blood-

Kakashi pushes away in panic.

He has to wash the blood away. Has to-

Hurrying to the sink, he rips his gloves off, scrubbing his hands furiously. Rage and self-loathing simmers just under his skin, waiting to explode.

It’s not real.

_Rin smiles at him with blood staining her teeth. “Thank you.”_

“That’s enough, Kakashi,” Raidou tells him. Raidou’s hands are clamping onto his. “Calm down. Do you remember where you are?”

Kakashi forces himself to take a deep breath and nods jerkily.

“I’m okay now,” he says, hoarsely.

“Humor me.” Raidou’s lips tugs up in a wry smile and Kakashi found himself unable to be annoyed with him. Probably not the first time that Kakashi had lost time after an episode, no matter how short and small it seemed.

“Twelfth November, Konoha, Izuna District, sixth floor, our apartment, _kitchen._ ”

Raidou tugs him into a side hug. “Thought we lost you there for a moment.”

“Oh, you definitely did,” Kakashi says in a deprecating tone. _Today was a little too close for comfort,_ he thinks but won’t say out loud. How is he going to look after Sakura if he can’t even deal with this? He slides down, against the cabinets and cups his head in his hands.

Maybe he should have let Raidou and Genma handle it, maybe he should have gone and taken her out earlier. Her fists were bloodied from punching through the door, from punching Yuriko, from fighting those men. If he had arrived earlier, if he had decided to fuck consequences and gone ahead to just grab her from the Haruno compound, she might not have-

Raidou takes a seat next to him, his heat oddly comforting to the cold gripping Kakashi’s insides. “There’s no shame in that. No shame in losing yourself once in awhile. I do that too from time to time, Genma does as well. We’re shinobis. That’s practically one of the facades of our job.” He takes Kakashi’s hands and places a hot cup of tea in them, clapping his hands around Kakashi’s. “You’ve been getting better. It’s been a long time since you’ve had such a bad reaction. Today was a bad day but you did good, that’s something to be proud of.”

Kakashi stares at his hands, red and scratched from his furious scrubbing. It wouldn’t matter if he didn’t have someone to depend on him. Someone that _needed_ that stability that both Raidou and Genma had. He had never made the right choices in his life, like teaching Chidori to Sasuke before teaching him to treasure his comrades.

“I can’t do this,” he says. He can’t do it to Sakura, where his poor life choices would no doubt ruin her life like it did to Sasuke and Naruto.

_The blond haired baby reaches out to him, gurgling. The large blue eyes curving along with his drool-crusted mouth, exposing a single tooth._

“You can,” Raidou tells him. “You’ve been doing it the last two months.”

And he only had Team Seven for three!

Kakashi forces himself to breathe evenly, fingers tightening over the cup. Raidou sighs and runs a medical-chakra coated hand over his reddened hands. “Look at Sakura. She’s becoming a great kunoichi. Working through her issues, just like you have. There’s no one better qualified than you. No one that she trusts more.”

Kakashi flinches at those words. To be trusted in the way Sakura does is not like the way Tenzo trusts him. To steer her future, mold her into a person that she has the potential to  turn into. How did Iruka do this? How did he handle such trust?

“Just take it one day at a time.” Raidou says, patting him on the arm. “Two months will turn into a year, and then more before you even realize. When things get hard, you'll have me and the others to back you up, just like today. You can't do this alone...”

He pauses and nudges Kakashi hard. “But you'll never be alone, either. That’s what teams are for, right?”

Kakashi chuckles at Raidou’s words. He takes a sip of the tea, feeling the edge of anxiousness dull with each sip of hot tea and by the time he finishes the tea, Kakashi feels like he is less of a razor thin ninja wire.

He stands, setting the cup in the sink. In his haze, Kakashi hadn’t noticed that his team had all gathered to munch on some snacks while Tenzo sat at the table, petting Pakkun.

“How is she?” Kakashi asks Tenzo.

“Mild abrasions. Two cracked ribs, a large bruise on the stomach. Bruises on face, arms and legs. I suspect they must have kicked her repeatedly,” Tenzo replies. “Nothing I can’t heal. Though you might want to take it easy on her for the next three days for her cracked ribs.”

Kakashi nods and forces himself to march to her room. Hisae must have come and gone  without him noticing because someone had changed Sakura out of her clothes and cleaned her up. He knew that none of the men would have done it unless it was life-threatening.

He pulls her pink blanket up to her chin and tucks her in, hands brushing her hair away then resting on her head. Her hair is soft, no longer smelling like the dog shampoo she had to use when her parents were around. Her face had filled out from the regular food forced on her by Genma. He thumbs her temple, slowly petting her baby hair.

Sakura’s the strongest person he knows, next to Anko and Ibiki. She _will_ bounce back from this and _thrive_.

Minato-sensei had done something like this for him too. Pulled him off a civilian, held him tight even when he had struggled and screamed.

His thumb shakes and he tightens his fist, trying to ignore the fear that had been racing through him.

_“Where is your honor now!?” he thrashed, his claws digging into Minato-sensei’s arms. “Fuck you and your honor!”_

He hadn’t dealt with his father’s death well, it had been just the same for Obito’s and Rin’s. The insomnia that had kept him up for days, the grief that had swallowed him up and the dissociative episodes that had followed him into Anbu. He hadn’t once thanked Minato for being there, too stuck in his head to realise what Minato was to him.

_Minato-sensei smiles at him, the corner of his eyes crinkling in a familiar pattern. His hand gently ruffling his hair and even though Kakashi huffs, he doesn’t move away. “I’ll always be here for you, Kakashi-kun. Always.”_

Kakashi looks up, averting his gaze from the window and resting on the mirror at her desk. His eyes… they look like...

He looks down at Sakura, the quiet warm feeling stirring in his chest, the protective feelings he has for his last remaining student.

His eyes, they look just like how Minato had looked at him.

 _“Don’t forget your bento, son.” Sakumo holds_ _dark lacquered box and smiles._

Just like how his father once had.

Just like how a dad would.

A dad. He had thought of this just before when he had tracked Obasan down, hadn’t he? The feelings swell inside him, seemingly engulfing him. And not only frivolous words now.

 _Ah, this must be love,_ Kakashi thinks as he gazes down at Sakura. No, not just her. It’s a few months too late, but even Naruto and Sasuke have dug their way into his heart. There’s nothing he can do for Sasuke now, but Naruto, there are still many things he can do.

He stands, casting an eye to the sprawling dogs. “Look after her,” he says and Okiku sniffs.

“Of course.” The others don’t bother responding. Kakashi wouldn’t worry, after all they had been there for him at his worst. They’d know what to do.

The kitchen is empty when he re-enters and for the first time in more than a decade, he takes out an empty scroll to start a letter.

_“Hello Naruto,_

_Hope you are eating your vegetables. Remember that ramen can’t be your only source of food..._

✥.✥.✥

Sakura feels the warm fur against her skin, a wet cloth wiping her face. The pain in her head has faded to a dull thump. There is the sound of nails clattering on the ground, the smell of dogs surrounding her. A wet nose noses her fingers and the mass of fur moves. She cracks open an eye, Okiku pauses licking her face and nudges her cheek with her nose.

“Hi!” Okiku chirps.

She stares blankly at Okiku until the dog on her right moves up to eye her. Uhei shuffles up, giving her a beady-eyed look.

“You still smell sad,” Uhei says. He loops his head through her fingers and sets his head on her shoulder so that her fingers rest in his fur. “Pet me. Petting me is good for you.”

He prods her until her fingers jerk into something resembling a petting motion. “Ahh, that’s the spot.” Uhei’s tail wags hard and into Akino’s face who retaliates by chewing his tail.

Bisuke is lying on his favourite spot - her chest, watching her.

Whatever had happened had wrung her out like after a long training session. Her memory draws a blank as she tries to remember. What happened?

Sluggishly, she blinks. Her curtains flapped in the sudden breeze, exposing the twilight sky.  She could barely make out the trees in the darkness aside from hearing their leaves rustle.

It’s night. _Almost midnight,_ she thinks.

Inner is eerily silent and despite the multiple times that Sakura had wished Inner didn’t exist, her sudden silence is strange, almost like a gaping hole.

_“YOU DARE!? You filthy bitch! As if losing the house, the land, and destroying all our lives wasn’t enough! And for WHAT? For the result of a one-night stand!”_

She chokes, a roaring sound filling her ears. Sensei had been there and seen her hit a civilian. Terror slams into her and Sakura wheezes.

_“Slow and deep breaths,” Raidou says._

Only the fear of seeing him again makes her grapple for more air. They would be so disappointed in her, disappointed to see that she had applied their teachings wrongly. How could she face them again? No, she probably wouldn’t. Sensei would drop her. She’s unworthy of being Sensei’s heir, unworthy of being a kunoichi, unworthy of-

A sudden pain in her hand jerks her out of her spiralling thoughts and Bisuke drops her hand, growling, “are you back with us?”

She nods and he sits beside her. “Now deep, slow breaths,” he says.

Sakura follows his instructions, happy to leave someone else in charge. She’s a failure of a human being, unable to do anything right.

She’s tired of living and struggling.

“Sakura-chan?” Sensei pops his head in then pads towards her. “Everything okay here?”

“Kid here started hyperventilating,” Bisuke replies.

Okiku moves, giving space for Sensei to sit down beside her. “Want to talk about it?”

Talk about what? That she’s a failure? A disappointment just like her father had always said she was? Sakura swallows her thoughts and looks away. If he dropped her now, no one would blame him. She waits for him to say something, but he doesn’t - at least not the words she thought he would.

Sensei puts a chocolate in her hand and she stares at it mutely.

“W...hy? I didn’t… I didn’t do anything worthy of it.”

Sensei pets her head. “Don’t you remember? You stood up to your own fears.” He gives her another chocolate. “And that’s for doing it all by yourself too! Sensei is so proud of you!”

“Sensei is proud of me?” Sakura repeats incredulously.

“So proud! Not just me, Genma and Raidou too!” He ruffled her hair hard. “We are _very_ proud of your bravery.”

“But… I _beat_ a civilian.”

“No. You _defended_ yourself. You were provoked and therefore were defending yourself. You are not at fault.”

She looks down at the chocolate. The weight of the words she couldn’t say sears in her throat, bringing tears to her eyes. Sensei wipes them away.

“Am I… really a Hatake? And just not… like because I’m your heir?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Maa… for now you’re still legally considered a Hatake first so if you _do_ want to change your name to Hatake Sakura, you can. But whether you do it or not, it won’t change anything. Clanless, Haruno, Hatake. Whichever you prefer. They are what you want it to be. So what do _you_ want to do?”

Harunos had never been kind to her. She had understood that the politics around her birth had made it difficult for them to like her. However disliking clans on a whole would be akin to disliking all shinobis for the actions of one.

 _Logically_ she knew that.

“You don’t have to make a decision now, if you don’t want to,” Sensei tells her gently. “No one is going to force you to make a choice.” He pushes her back onto the futon and tucks her in.

“Now, it’s midnight, get some sleep. Don’t think you get special treatment just because you earned two chocolates.” He grins. “There’s still training tomorrow.”

Sakura lay there staring into the ceiling, she had made it out, left them. Had that been the right move? The Harunos controlled the rice trade, it’d be very easy for them if they wanted to make Sensei’s life difficult. Hadn’t she chose to protect them? Wouldn’t this make him an easier mark.

She curls her fingers, dragging her nails through Uhei’s short fur and found some kind of comfort in the action of scratching his back.

She thinks of all the things she had been made to endure. Enduring like that for so long was no way to live. Sakura didn’t think she could do it if she had to go back and beg them to take her back. Not the cellar beneath the tree or the chains.

Sensei had called it abuse. Sakura knew what abuse was. Suzume-sensei had her go through a whole semester on it. Could it still be called abuse when their anger was valid?

What if changing her name changed Sensei? The Harunos would undoubtedly go after the Hatakes. Sakura dreaded thinking of what Sensei or his clan might do to her if the Harunos decided to target his clan.

Sometimes in the darkness of the night, she could still imagine the stretcher in the Basement with its gleaming metal clasps.

Eventually Sakura’s eyes drooped, succumbing to exhaustion and the dogs huddled closer.

✥.✥.✥

Morning came faster than Sakura would have liked. Outside, she could hear Sensei humming his ‘I’m not humming’ tune and the smell of grilled fish wafting through the open windows. She sits up, savouring the crisp morning air, the birds waking to the sun and with the morning sun, Sakura found her fears silly.

The Hatakes are a shinobi clan. Yes, they could be targeted by the Harunos but that counted as a provocation. That meant that the Harunos would open themselves up to retaliation. The Civilian Clans might not be as helpless as the village and clan shinobis would like to think, but the Shinobi Clans were far more ruthless when provoked.

And Sensei had never given her a reason to doubt him, not since the Chuunin Exams. Choosing to change her family name wouldn’t change things, just like leaving herself clanless wouldn’t.

Sakura gets up, folding her futon and pushes it into the cupboard. Outside Sensei is wearing the tortoise print apron that he stole from Gai-sensei, grilling the fish for breakfast. Genma is sharpening his senbons on the couch, while Raidou stands at the counter complaining about Sensei’s lack of variety in his food as he prepares the dishes.

“Good morning, Sakura-chan! ” Raidou says with a smile and hands her a tray. “Set this on the dining table, would you?” He snaps the rice cooker close and pulls out a packet of natto.

“Genma do you want natto or seaweed?”

“Natto!”

Genma gathers his senbons, neatly bundling them up in some haphazard order. The coffee machine beeps to indicate it’s done and Raidou pours four mugs out. “You want natto too right?” He asks her as he hands her the mugs.

She takes the mugs but stops in front of Sensei, placing them beside him. There’s no reason why she should wait. Her answer is clear as it will be whether it’s today or a year from now.

“Sensei?” She says. What if things change, what if- She shakes herself inwardly, refusing to let her insecurities make decisions for her. Sakura looks at at Sensei, straightening her shoulders. “I would like to be a Hatake, please.”

Sensei hands the frying pan to Raidou, his eyes never leaving hers. “Wait a minute here,” he says, walking towards his room.

Raidou and Genma claps her on the back laughing. “Hey, so you’re now a field of cherry blossoms right?” Genma asks with a mischievous grin. “So that would mean that-”

Sensei reappears, jabbing Genma in the throat. “Finish that sentence and I will _end_ you,” he says to Genma.

“Spoilsport,” Genma clears his throat and sulks. “Raidouu! Why is he so mean to me?”

“Here.” Sensei hands her a form that has been filled out. “You just need to sign here to make it official.”

The kanji of _Hatake Sakura_ gives Sakura a warm feeling. She’s choosing them, her family of choice. Not just the Hatake Clan, but Raidou, Genma, Shikamaru.

She signs it, one last time as _Haruno Sakura_ and her lips stretches from one ear to the other.

It won’t be the last time she interacts with the Haruno, but now- _Now_ they have no power over her. Sakura is not so naive to think that she’d finally get her happy ending now and that everything would be alright simply by changing her name. She’s still weaker than her fellow graduates. Her body and coils will always be smaller than theirs from the malnourishment and abuse she had put up with.

However she’s now in control.

Sensei hands her another chocolate and Sakura tilts her head. “For changing my name to Hatake?” She jokes.

He pets her head. “For making a hard decision. Whether it’s to stay clanless or become a Hatake, or even a Nara. Sensei would always support you.”

She hugs him, “thank you, Sensei. For everything.”

He awkwardly pats her back. “There there, no crying now. It’s a happy occasion.”

Sakura scrubs the tears away. “That’s cause they’re happy tears.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura can’t stop staring at her freshly remade ID, can’t stop smiling until her cheeks hurt. _Hatake Sakura._

There’s only one thing left to do. The one thing that she’s always dreaded to see.

“Sensei?” She carefully inserts her ID into her hidden pocket and swallows dryly. “There’s… something I want to do.”

“What is it?” Sensei arches an eyebrow at her, happy to follow her lead back to the one place she never wants to go.

Just one more thing to set herself free.

_Don’t let fear cloud you. Hold tight onto your goals, you will not stumble because of Fear. You are more than fear._

They stop in front the house she lived in for the last twelve years. Untouched since the Chuunin Exams. The same broken beams and collapsed walls, the semi-wild garden where Mama’s precisely manicured flowers used to be.

It is not because she is not afraid anymore. It is because she is more than fear, more than her traumas, more than the abuse she endured.

“What do you want to do?” Sensei asks her, jolting her out of churning thoughts.

“Burn it. I want to burn it.” She turns to him, trying to stop her hands from trembling. “Would you teach me a fire jutsu?”

“Of course.”

Sensei shows her the hand seals to a katon jutsu, patiently coaching her through it. After several tries, she gets it right.

Sensei smiles at her, hands flashing through an jutsu she’s never seen him use before. Tugging his mask down, he shoots globs of oil all over the house then slaps fuinjutsu tags around the house.

“To prevent it from spreading,” he says. “Are you ready?”

Sakura tries to make her hands stop shaking, her hand seals aren’t perfect. Then she holds up two fingers, fire surging up her windpipe.

_Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu_

Her fireball isn’t big, it isn’t hot, her chakra splutters trying to fuel it, but the oil catches fire, along with the curtains and scattered books and the fire picks up.

Sakura stares at it. The flames lick the sky, sending thick billowing smoke into the air. The fire burns for hours. She watches the pillar crack and bend under the heat, the beams collapse into itself. The air chokes her, she can feel the heat on her skin but her heart feels light.

She walked out of hell, thinking she was alone. Her fingers dig into Okiku’s thick fur, the weight of Sensei’s arm across her shoulders.

She’s not.

She’ll never be now she has them.

It won’t be perfect. Life is never perfect, but now she makes her own decisions.

She is _free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm pretty sure no one would notice it, but this is the **last chapter**. The epilogue would be up next. There is a 60% chance that this will have a sequel. I know I marked down as 20, but after going through my drafts, plot notes and all. I realised that the last 4 chps wouldn't stand very well with the other chps which is why I'm cutting them out and putting them into the sequel. I'm quite disappointed Sakura didn't have more literal badassery moments, I tried to put it in! But honestly, she couldn't _suddenly_ become badass right?
> 
> Also, I have a discord server for my fanfics now, so if anyone is interested, [they can join us here.](https://discord.gg/r44VjYp)  
> Thank you for all your comments, kudos and love! ♥♥♥ I hope you enjoyed the fic and look forward to the epilogue! Until then! ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡


	15. Chapter 15

_Sakura,_

_I’m sorry I can’t be there. I told Ero-sennin that we had to go back, tried all the blackmail material you gave me the last time, but nothing could convince him. We’re all the way out here in **[REDACTED]** , and **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].** It seems not right to call myself friend, when I can’t be there. Ever since I left Konoha, I wondered if I could have done more. _

_Iruka-sensei said that I should have told someone. Jiraiya-sensei said that the fact I noticed and tried in my way was good enough. But I don’t think it ever was. I did nothing, saved no one. Do you think Sasuke would be the same? Had there been something I could have done?_

_I think about it every night. The night he ran away, also the night he nearly killed you. Asuma-sensei said I did good by bringing you in time to the hospital. The genjutsu, Hinata’s sensei Kui-sensei said a lot of things, but all I remembered was that if you spent any longer under that shirangin genjutsu, you might have changed? Or maybe died?_

 

Sakura lowers the letter, smoothing it out on the table. She hadn’t known that.

A sharingan genjutsu had the potential to alter a person’s psyche. Much like how Itachi had changed Sasuke’s. Had she changed? How had Kurenai-sensei broken her out of the genjutsu? Assuming she had.

Sakura looks up, across the table where Sensei had received a letter as well.

Would he have noticed? Sensei probably wouldn’t have, she decides. Sensei might pay attention to her now, but back then, he hadn’t. It would be pointless to ask him.

“Everything okay?” Sensei asks.

“Naruto thinks Hinata’s sensei’s name is Kui-sensei,” she smiles at him.

He hums and holds up his letter that had a weird brown stain near the bottom. “I think he thinks that deer blood on my letter would somehow make him intimidating.”

They chuckle and lapse into silence, both continuing to read their letters.

 

_The more I think about it, the more I feel I am so useless. Jiraiya-sensei is right. Being powerful or recornised is useless if you don’t have the right goals. Sasuke, wanted to be powerful to kill a man. I wanted to be powerful to be recornised._

_That’s not true._

_I want to be powerful to protect my friends. Hearing from Jiraiya-sensei on what happened recently makes me realise that being powerful means nothing if I am not their. Jiji sat in his room all day, was our longest Hokage in history, but he didn’t protect you or me. Jiraiya-sensei says the chances of bringing Sasuke back is next to nothing. The genjutsu had been left too long on him before the Anbu came. There won’t be anything left of Sasuke to bring back._

_I want to continue fighting beside you, as your comrade not your leader. I don’t want to be the man at the back. I want to be who beats up those… that woman._

_I don’t need to be the Hokage to do that._

_Jiraiya-sensei says that as soon as I master **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED],** I’ll get to go home. Let’s be Anbu together._

_\- Forever your Teammate, Uzumaki Naruto_

 

Naruto didn’t say it outright, but Sakura definitely noticed how he had been worried that she’d end up like Sasuke.

Sakura finishes the dregs of her tea and looks out of the window. Akino is lying across the window sill with his head stuck out on a tiny metal ledge that is used as a landing for Sensei’s friends.

The idea that somewhere down the line she might consider defecting, scares her. She is nothing like Sasuke.

Carefully she folds up the letter and stands to refill the tea pot then changes her mind.

The only person that would notice the changes in her before and now would be Shikamaru. She knew Shikamaru looked at her differently ever since she had left the hospital that night, but she hadn’t known what that meant. Perhaps him fishing her out that day at the lake hadn’t been a coincidence.

She pulls out her sandals, slipping them in the genkan. “I’m going to Shikamaru’s,” she yells as she pushes the door open.

“Be back for dinner,” Sensei says. “Genma’s bringing sukiyaki.”

“Okay!” Sakura replies, barely registering Sensei’s words.

If it hadn’t been a coincidence, then had Shikamaru been watching her?

She leaps off the building and onto the rooftop, adjusting the chakra on her feet to catch the tiles. She dodges a courier shinobi, barely glancing at the Anbu team hiding in the rooftop gardens watching the foreign merchant square. Genma waves at her from the shops below with a large bag of groceries, mouthing su-ki-ya-ki.

Had Genma known? Or Raidou? How many of them were watching her?

Sakura tries not to over analyze all their past interactions. She can’t start doubting them.

Watching her, waiting for her to what?

She ignores the obligatory manners to enter from the front door and lands in Shikamaru’s backyard, standing over his supine form.

“Did you know?” she asks, though more of a demand than a casual question that Sakura had intended it to be.

“Know what?” Shikamaru raises an eyebrow at her and part of her bristles at his lazy drawl.

“About the sharingan genjutsu.” Pauses at his look, then clarifies, “about the genjutsu _Sasuke_ put on me the night he left.”

He frowns and pushes himself up. “What about it?”

“Did you know about it?” She grits it out. “Were you watching me? I’ve been thinking about it, you being at the lake that day. Why were you there? That training ground was Team Seven’s designated area. You shouldn’t have been there. Yet you were. Just in time too.”

“Sakura, whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no.” The laziness and drawl is gone now.

“Then why were you there?”

“Because Naruto is my best friend and he asked me to watch out for you. I heard from Asuma-sensei that Kakashi-sensei was on a mission and had intended to ask you to join our training. Of course, that was before… things happened.”

“Oh.” She sinks to the ground, pressing her face to her knees. “I thought... I thought that—”

“It’s a valid worry.” He looks up to the sky. “In the war, they used Uchiha genjutsu to plant sleeper agents.”

His words don’t comfort her. Instead her skin crawls and she clenches her fist, digging tiny crescents into her palm in as if it’d relieve the psychosomatic feeling.

“You’re shit at comforting people, Shika,” Ino says and Sakura turns around startled. “Sorry, came in halfway, couldn’t leave without anyone noticing too. It was awkward and everything, Yoshina-baa didn’t tell me that you were here when she told me where Shika was.” She steps from behind the doors, standing next to Shikamaru, with an embarrassed look.

“It wasn’t meant to be comforting.” Shikamaru flops back onto the ground. “Sakura’s definitely watched, but she’s most likely not watched _because_ of Sasuke’s genjutsu.”

Ino pokes him with her foot when he doesn’t explain and he groans and continues, “Sakura attempted…” He trails off with a sleepy wave of hand. “Under normal circumstances, you’d be given a therapist and all. But with the whole military side of Konoha trying to keep the ‘business as normal’ look, non-critical low level people are given lower priority in order to free up staff. Therefore watched...”

Her heart sinks at his words. That means Raidou and Genma, they knew? “You told them?” She asks him, unsure if she should see this as a betrayal. She hadn’t made him promise not to tell anyone, yet… aren’t these sort of stuff… _private?_

Shikamaru looks at her with an unnaturally serious expression. “I wasn’t going to bury it, _ever._ Burying helps no one.”

“Unless it’s dead bodies,” Ino says.

“Dead bodies should be burnt,” Sakura says, correcting Ino’s statement before even realising it.

Ino blinked owlishly at her and Sakura flushes. “Sensei’s team is a hunter squad. He’s drilled it into me. Always double stab them to ensure they’re properly dead. One in the heart and one across the throat. Then burn unless instructed otherwise.”

“Kakashi-sensei sounds like he has issues with dead bodies,” Ino mutters. “Whoever double stabs corpses?”

“People who reanimate bodies?” Sakura says hesitantly.

“Whoever _does_ that? Is there seriously a jutsu for that?”

“Yes,” Shikamaru replies, closing his eyes. “Orochimaru.”

“Oh. Right.” Ino goes pale and swears to the sky before falling silent.

Sakura plays with her sleeve for a moment. Ino had come over to talk to Shikamaru and they were probably waiting for her to leave so they could talk about clan stuff.

“I should probably get back home. Genma is bringing sukiyaki over and—”

“I’ll walk you back!” Ino says.

“You don’t—”

“I’ll walk you back.”

“But—”

“Just let her walk you back,” Shikamaru heaves a large sigh.

Sakura nods, swallowing hard. She should have summoned Okiku if she was going out, maybe then this walk with Ino would be less awkward.

They walk through the Nara compound, the gravel crunches loudly underneath their sandals since stealth and softening footsteps are frowned upon in Konoha when not on missions. Not that everyone follows it, some simply have it as an ingrained habit that purposeful sounds of footsteps are an indication of treating someone like they’re made of fragile glass.

Ino wouldn’t be wrong to do so, Sakura acknowledges. Especially with the conversation Ino had overheard.

They exit the Nara compound with a wave and nod at the guards, following the road until it leaves the compound district and into the merchant district. With the sun starting to set, the merchants have started keeping their unsold goods and packing their stores up as the crowds emptied to almost no one.

“So…” Ino starts, finger twirling around her blonde hair. “How have you been?”

“Fine.”

“You’ve— you’ve been training with Kakashi-sensei, right?”

Sakura nods and wonders if it would be rude to run away right now. What she wouldn’t give to bump into Genma.

“Ino-sa—” “Sakura—”

They both start together and stop when they realised the other is speaking. Ino shakes her head and snorts. “Damnit, I’ll just say it outright. This is way too awkward.”

Ino stops as they round a secluded street and bows. “I’m sorry for the things I said in academy. I was young, but that was no excuse. I’m sorry for the things I said during the Chuunin Exams. It was wrong for me and, and—”

Sakura stares flabbergasted. She had assumed that Ino… No that’s right, Ino tried to apologise previously and Sakura hadn’t been ready to talk to her. On top of their previous history, there had been the words spoken during Chuunin Exam fight.

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!”

“You weren’t wrong.” Sakura smiles wryly.

“No, I was,” Ino lifts her head up and hisses. “Don’t you dare think that you are an abomination!”

Sakura can’t stop the instinctive flinch at the word and Ino rears back, pursing her lips. “I can’t change the words I used. I’m not proud of it. But—”

“What changed?” Sakura lifts her chin up, staring straight into her eyes. Raidou always reminded her to not back down, not to mince her words. She’s a kunoichi, kunoichis have to be fierce. “You were— so sure of it then. What? Because you found out what happened?”

Ino looks down, wrapping a hand around her waist, leaning slightly away from Sakura. “You have to understand that dual minds like that...”

Sensei told her about how he had gotten Ino barred from the exams and how that might play into the whole apology thing. Sakura didn’t care either way. Ino’s apology wouldn’t make up for it. Like Iruka-sensei reminded her, she wasn’t required to forgive anyone just because they apologised.

“Or is it really because you got barred?” Sakura turns away. She might not care for the apology, but it didn’t mean that it wouldn’t make her feel slightly better.

“It does have _some_ weight to why I’m apologising,” Ino admits. “But it’s not the entire reason why I’m apologising. Look. Sakura-ch— _san.”_

Sakura feels the weight of Ino’s hand on her arm and she dithers between shrugging it away and leaving it there.

“For what matters, I _am_ sorry for my behaviour. I know it doesn’t matter much but I did like being friends with you then. And if it’s possible, I’d like to attempt being friends with you again.” Ino lets her hand fall back to her side.

Uhei rounds the other end of the street and tilts his head at them, as if questioning if she needs him to interfere.

“I—” Sakura falters. She’s come this far, she’s not a coward anymore. A friendship needs to go both ways. “I would like to try too.”

The expression on Ino’s face is almost incandescent. “If you like we can train together! I’ve been training to be a medic and been doing a lot of hours at the hospital. Shikamaru said that you two train in the mornings, I could come! Well, not all the time, I mean—”

“I guess… that would be fine?” She replies, not quite sure what Sensei would say. Ino probably wouldn’t be there half the time anyway.

“Then— Then I’ll see you then!” Ino says and spins away, running back to towards the compound district.

“Good talk?” Uhei asks, sitting beside her.

“I suppose,” she mutters. “Could be worse. Why are you here?”

“Boss wondered if you forgot about dinner. Senbon guy’s almost done with it too. He wanted to remind you that Senbon guy paid for five kilos of pork and beef. There will be no meat left if we’re late. So we need to go, _now._ ”

“ _Five_ ki— How can there be no— Never mind. Let’s just go.”

“Good, ‘cause Bull was eyeing the beef pretty hard already.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura puts her pen down, unsure on what to write to Naruto. That she _wanted_ to be Anbu with Naruto? Did she even want to be an Anbu? Ino was training to be a medic, Sakura didn’t think she would ever get over her fear of the medical chakra enough to work with it day to day. Even now, when she sees her reflection, she gets frightened by the growing similarity of her face to Papa’s.

She reaches out to scratch Akino’s belly and his leg thumps against the table. Bisuke nudges the back of her leg with his cold nose, whining for some scratches too.

She sort of wanted to be Anbu because Naruto suggested it. It sounded cool and badass.

“Sensei?”

“Hmm?”

She bends to scratch Bisuke’s belly, her nails scratches his fur and his eyes closes in bliss. “What kind of shinobi should I be?”

“That’s not a question I can answer for you, Sakura-chan.”

She can hear him closing on his novel, setting it on the table; his pants crinkling as he sits upright. “But you would know the best, right?” Sakura asks, uncertain of what kind of look would be on his face. Would it have a ghost of disappointment like Genma sometimes has?

“I am the best at a lot of things, but I’m not the best at telling you what _you_ would enjoy the most.” His finger taps on the table and Sensei heaves an almost inaudible sigh. “I’m your teacher. I’m not going to tell you what you should do. I’m here to support you when you find your dream, whatever it will be. Whether it’s to be a weapon specialist, a stealth specialist, a baker, a sarutobi wrangler—”

Sakura giggles at the image of her wrangling bearded, cigarette smoking monkeys. “I don’t think you literally meant Sarutobi, _the clan_.”

He smirks and shakes his head, propping his chin up on his hand. “No, I didn’t mean Asuma. Maybe a shika wrangler might be better. The Naras would rather lie around sleeping in the sun after all.”

She grins back at him.

“You’ve only been a shinobi for nearly a year. When I was a genin, I wanted to be a frontliner, just like…” He hesitates, body tensing and for a brief second, Sakura is reminded of the times Sensei had disappeared when Team Seven had an emotionally charged moment. Instead of flickering away, Sensei only clears his throat and continues, “...just like my dad. Turns out I wasn’t very good at it, and I completely hated it.”

Her hand still, curling on Bisuke’s fur. “Genma says that you’re one of Konoha’s best shinobis,” she says, refusing to give in to the small feeling in her.

“That’s probably not a lie. I’m one of the most versatile shinobis, but I’m not the _best_ frontliner. After all, my sharingan promises chakra exhaustion in prolonged battles.”

“Oh.” Bisuke nudges her hand with his paw and she obliges. Both Shikamaru and Ino know what they want. She must be the only person who hasn’t figured it out yet.

Kakashi stands. His chair drags loudly across their wooden floor and he steps over Okiku to fill the kettle at the sink. “It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do. It’s _normal,”_ he says.

He sets the kettle on the stove, channeling a little chakra to make a spark to light the gas stove. “Take your time. Don’t be in a rush to grow up.” Crinkling his eyes at her with wry amusement, he continues, “Sensei isn’t ready to let you go yet.”

✥.✥.✥

Sakura dive-rolls forward as Shikamaru sweeps at her legs. Tanto in her hand, she adjusts her chakra to recover faster, spinning on a hand to lash her legs out at him. Shikamaru dodges her kicks, his kunai raising to block hers. Sakura had expected that, so instead of swinging downwards, she thrusts upwards.

In a real battle, Sakura would have used Shikamaru’s minute lapse to cast a ninjutsu or a mud clone decapitating combo.

He slaps her wrist away with a force that rattles her bones, grabbing her other arm and twisting it upwards. Sakura doesn’t drop her tanto, only dislocating her shoulder to trip him backwards. In a fluid movement, she props her shoulder back in, switching her tanto to her left so her right shoulder can rest for a bit.

She sidesteps Shikamaru’s shadow, chucking dirt that she picked up earlier at his eye. Ducks his shadow spike, feinting right then she freezes as his shadow captures her.

“I win...” Shikamaru says.

If she hadn’t feinted then, wait a minute. Shikamaru explained how the Nara’s shadow technique worked before. They used yin chakra and if chakra is made up of both yang and yin, yang being physical and yin being mental…

Channeling what she thinks is only yin chakra into her shadow, Shikamaru’s shadow separates from hers and she slides backwards, flicking the dirt off her blade.

“What was that?” Shikamaru chokes out. “I didn’t do that…”

“Well, cause Nara techniques are based in yin chakra, so I thought that if I used yin chakra to mimic how yours feel—”

“You used only yin chakra…” he deadpans.

“She figured out how to separate her chakra in mid battle…” Genma groans from the side.

“Good job Sakura-chan,” Sensei says. She turns to him, trying but failing to keep her smile blooming across her face. He signs at Shikamaru who yawns and immediately leaves the training ground, something very unusual for him. Didn’t they usually have Yakiniku after this?

“Sensei?”

Sensei unseals a black mask and a tanto and proffers it to her. “What is this?” she asks, holding the tanto with reverence. There is a Hatake mon and a wolf carved into the scabbard. The amount of time and money spent on this tanto would have been at least several A Rank hazard mission pay.

“That… is your tanto and the Hatake mask. Congratulations, you are now considered a fully-fledged Hatake.”

“I don’t…” She gapes at the tanto. “I don’t understand? Shikamaru said that it’d take me years? At least? His nephew never got approval and— and I’ve only been practicing for a year?”

Sensei ruffles her hair, eye creasing in amusement. “Sakura-chan... You haven’t yet realised you’re considered a prodigy in battle instincts?”

“I’m not— _Prodigy_??” Sakura squeaks, rubbing her arms.

Ever since Sensei and his friends have been feeding her frequently over the last year, she had shot up rapidly. Not to say she’s _that_ much taller. Yamato-nii said that she’d probably never be as tall as the rest of her cohort. Sakura thinks she’ll at least be taller than Naruto. All that ramen can’t have been good for him.

Sensei unseals a folder and lightly smacks it on her forehead. In the folder she notices her ID picture looks so oddly different from her even though Sakura knows it doesn’t really. It’s the eyes, she decides. Her newly graduated self had blank haunted eyes that was offset by a smile seemingly genuine enough to send anyone off the trail. She puts it aside, flickering down the page, past her height, weight, birthday, grades and pauses.

_As of Spring Graduation, 73 years from foundation._

_Ninjutsu           —         1.5_  
Taijutsu           —         1 (2.5 - noted by Instructor Umino Iruka to have excellent battle instincts)  
Genjutsu          —         3  
Intelligence     —         3.5  
Strength          —         0.5  
Speed              —         1  
Stamina           —         1  
Hand seals      —         4

Total               —         15.5 (17)

_NOTABLE SKILLS:  
Battle Instincts: Prodigious instinct for battle. Able to coherently follow and plan on the go when in battle. Would say chuunin level. Academy Instructor, Umino Iruka._

_Genjutsu instinct: Able to detect up to rank B genjutsu without issue. Was able to break out of rank C instantly. Recommended Genjutsu specialism. Academy Instructor, Umino Iruka._

Her file says ‘prodigious instinct for battle’, chuunin level. That can’t be right. There is nothing special about her. Haruno Sakura is—

She swallows her reticence and hands the folder back to Sensei. She wants to deny the words written there but it’s her _official_ records. The idea that Iruka-sensei had put that down makes her balk.

“I’m not the only one who agreed with Iruka’s assessment, you know?” says Sensei.

Sakura looks down at the black face mask, rubbing the soft fabric between her fingers. There are seals stitched into it and Sakura knows all of them by heart. The symbol of the dragon king on the abaxial matched with the wind god on the admedial of the fuinjutsu is one of the most common Konoha base seals for air filtration. There are no other clans in Konoha that uses this form of seal making this mask, indisputably Hatake.

Not that she thought that Sensei would have tried to lie to her, but the only way to get a clan uniform is through an acquisition form that would undoubtedly end up on the clan head’s desk.

This could only mean one thing.

She’s not Hatake Sakura, adopted by Hatake Kakashi. She’s not a footnote, an afterthought anymore. She’s Hatake Sakura, carrying the name all on her own.

She blinks back the hot tears and looks up at Sensei. He smiles at her.

“Do you want me to show you how to put it on?” he asks and she nods. “There is a seal here.” He points, slowly showing the features of the Hatake mask. It’s more complicated that Sakura expects and takes them longer than she could have ever imagined on registering how to put the mask on. Sakura ends up an hour late for lunch with Shikamaru.

And when she finally arrives at the restaurant, there is a large banner across their seating that says ‘CONGRATULATIONS’. Shikamaru is sitting there with Yamato-nii, clearly waiting impatiently for her. Ino is deep in discussion with Genma and it sounds quite dubious especially when she catches Ino saying something about pus and vomiting.

“So— _Hatake_ Sakura, heard you figured out the Nara shadow binding,” Yamato-nii says with a grin and Shikamaru groans.

“How in sage mind did she circumvent it?”

“Well it’s not _that_ difficult. It’s not like it’s a kekkai genkai, not like mokuten...” She blinks owlishly at them. “Actually, I have theories that mokuten isn’t a kekkai genkai too. You mentioned that mokuten needs water and earth release. But theoretically that all life have either yin or yang release, usually both… So if we go along that lines...”

She mixes her earth, water and slowly varying the amount of yin and yang into her hands and suddenly a stalk sprouts from their table.

The table falls silent, with the exception of the sound of Genma’s senbon clattering on the table.

Yamato and Genma groans. “Sage damn chakra prodigies...”

✥.✥.✥

_Sakura is standing in front of the house, except it’s not ruined or burnt to ashes. The flowers in Mama’s garden wave gaily at her, the curtain flutters and snaps loudly in the wind._

_She’s seven, staring at the pathway leading to the white door._

_“Well, come on in,” Mama says, a tone sharper than normal._

_Sakura recognises that tone instantly and wishes she had stayed longer at Ino’s house. If she had stayed there, she might be taking a bath with Ino now._

_She hurries up the pathway, slipping under Mama’s arm. The house is dark inside even though the sun had only just set and Sakura squishes the urge to shiver, clenching her jaw so they won’t chatter in the suffocating silence._

_Without needing Mama to say a word, Sakura knows that Papa won’t be home this weekend. It’s good, usually._

_“Mama?” Sakura whispers, trying her best not to fidget under Mama’s glare._

_“Speak up, girl. Why did I ever give birth to such a useless, ugly kid?” Mama mutters. “I’m leaving to go Tanzaku-gai tomorrow morning. Tomorrow, until Kizashi returns, you’ll be staying with Yuriko. Is that clear?”_

_Sakura nods, gripping her dress._

_“Speak up. You got a voice, don’t you?”_

_“Yes, mama,” Sakura replies, wincing at her quavering voice._

_“I can’t hear you.”_

_“Yes Mama!” She says louder and Mama frowns._

“Sakura—”

_“How disrespectful. There’s no need to yell.” Mama’s lips thin and Sakura sinks her head lower. “Can’t even look at the eye when you speak. What a disgrace. Go and stand in the corner until I say otherwise.”_

_“Mama, I’m sorry—”_

“Sakura!”

Her eyes snap open, lungs quivering against her ribs. She can feel Shikamaru radiating positive intent.

“Are you back with us now?” Shikamaru says in a tone that she’s not quite sure it means.

She gasps, nails digging into her arms until he pries her hands open, setting them on a pillow. Shikamaru presses himself into her, holding her tightly against him. He hums a song that she doesn’t recognise but it doesn’t really matter. The weight of his arm around her shoulders and warmth, pulls her out of her memories.

She drags her eyelids open. The room is lighted only by the sun that has started casting long shadows in her room.

She’s in the apartment that she picked out with Sensei. She’s safe.

_Safe._

She digs into the pillow, breathing hard. She’s here not _there._ The memory of the house and Mama rises unbidden. She bites back the rising scream, squeezing her eyes shut.

“What time is it?” she rasps in a voice too gravelly. She doesn’t care, but right now any distraction is better than none.

“Four-thirty.”

She runs her tongue over her lips, tasting the blood where she had bitten through. Four-thirty? She’s lost an entire day and _sage,_ she’s still exhausted.

“Why—” she starts to say, trying to figure what they were doing in the corner of her room and all her sluggish thoughts halt. They were supposed to go training today, _in the morning._ He mentioned that he was busy, so they had scheduled the training to be extra early.

Yet Shikamaru is still sitting in the corner with her.

“Why are you here?”

“Because you needed me.”

“I don’t— I could have—” She clutches the pillow and settles for neutral words instead. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he says with a yawn.

“You wasted your time—”

“It’s not a _waste_ of time.”

“But—”

“We are friends. This is what friends do.”

“Well then maybe we shouldn’t be friends!” Sakura says.

Shikamaru’s arms tighten around her. “I won’t allow that. You’ve been getting better. Sliding a little backwards happens. I’m not going to ‘not be friends’ just because you slid backwards, or need help.”

Sakura knows it won’t be her last but Shikamaru is right. Her attacks have decreased, she _is_ getting better. Slow steps win the race.

She has friends now, people who care for her. She’ll never be alone in this.

She presses her forehead against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So here we are, at the end. Including the Epilogue.
> 
> Regarding the sequel: yes there _might_ be a sequel, if there is, it might not be soon. 
> 
> This couldn't have been completed without my betas, [Corryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoronokingu) and [mumma](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5084616/MummaPaintstheBlues) who were immense support.  
> Thank you for all your great support, the comments and kudos helped me when I wanted to give up. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don't start new long fics when the other one is active, but eh. I kinda want to write a bamf!Sakura fic. And if you read my other long fic, you'll know I update super slow cuz I'm chronically ill. So yea, updates won't be fast.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://orlha.tumblr.com) if you like.  
> or [on discord](https://discord.gg/Aeeremf)


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